The expressions on the kneeling Roman soldiers’ faces, in the nearby painting, echoed my feelings ratherwell.
“Now.” Amy plopped down onto the bed and patted the mattress invitingly. “No more excuses from you, please, darling. What on earth were you and Wrexham up to out there, to send you home in such a state?” Her eyebrows furrowed, her expression becoming fierce. “He wasn’t insulting to you, washe?”
“No! Of course not.” I stalked over to the window, unable to hold her gaze. The curtains hadn’t been lowered yet; I gripped the window-frame with tight fingers, embracing the damp chill that emanated from the darkglass.
The protection spells scrolled in iron along the edges of this frame wouldn’t be enough to protect me if the elf-lord came; the last war we’d fought had been more than proof enough of that. No, these spells would only keep out a minor fairy, at the most...and even if I still possessed my old powers, I couldn’t fight back without sacrificing my nation’s safety inexchange.
It was a startlingly bitter gift to discover that I still had more to lose, after all, than I had spent the past two monthsbelieving.
But if I told my sister-in-law the truth of the danger I was facing, I might as well rip that treaty up with both hands and damn the safety of the rest of our nation forever...because Amy never, ever gave up on the people sheloved.
No. I’d spent the past four months being cosseted by my family, but this was one problem I would have to facealone.
My reflection was a ghost in the window before me. I said, keeping my tone as idle as possible, “You don’t know of any weather wizards in this party, doyou?”
“Here?” Amy, bless her, took the change of subject in stride. I saw her eyebrows rise in her reflection, but after only a moment’s pause, she said, “I imagine at least half the husbands here must work magic. I know all of the members of the Boudiccate married magicians, certainly. But I’ve never asked about any of their specialties. That was always...” She stopped abruptly, but I could easily finish her sentence forher:
That was always your business, notmine.
I took one long, steady breath and then another, my breath frosting the glass in front of me. “Would you find out, please?” I asked. “If youcould?”
“Of course.” Amy’s tone gentled. “Butdarling...”
My shoulders stiffened. I knew that tone only toowell.
“You know what the physicians said,” my sister-in-law murmured, with sympathetic pain lining every word. “Anyuse of magic is prohibited. I know that weather wizardry isn’t quite the same as the sort you used to workon—”
“Used tocast,” I gritted through my teeth. “I used tocastmagic. That’s what it’scalled.”
The pity on Amy’s reflected face was unbearable. I closed my eyes to shut it out, my fingers tightening around the window-frame.
“I beg your pardon,” I said quietly. “I shouldn’t have interrupted you sorudely.”
Amy sighed. “Never mind.” Silk swished behind me, followed by the brush of footsteps on the polished wooden floor. I opened my eyes and found her standing behind me with her folded hands resting on her rounded stomach, gazing gravely at my reflection in the window. “You know we’ll always help with anything you ask,” she said softly. “And I will ask about any weather wizards who might be here. But please, darling, remember: there is more to you than your magic. Therealwayswas.”
Her words pierced a too-thin shell inside my chest. I let out a half-laugh as pain flooded out through the opening. “Magic wasn’t just what I cast, it was what Iwas. You, of all people, should know that! By the time you metme—”
“Iknow,” she said firmly. “I know you. And I know how tightly you had to shut out everything else to keep from losing your own purpose and being swept away by your mother’s great plans for you instead. But I know something else, too: Wrexham, for one, never wanted you for yourmagic.”
“Oh, Amy.” Giving up, I tipped my head forward against the damp, cold glass, letting my eyes fall shut as memories overwhelmed me. “Of course he did,” I said in a near-whisper. “If you knew just how strong our castings used to be when we worked together...” It had been a perfect partnership. It had been beyond exhilarating. It hadbeen...
“He would have left you four months ago if that was all he’d cared about,” said my sister-in-lawflatly.
I pulled myself upright, shaking myself out of the maudlin memories as I gathered my strength and turned to face her. “Wrexham is a good man,” I said wearily. “He would never willingly abandon anyone in need, much less someone he’d cared about. And when you add in his sheer, bloody-mindedstubbornness...”
“Yes?” Amy raised her eyebrows, lookingironic.
If there was a message in that expression, I had no interest in reading it. Instead, I gritted my teeth and met her gaze full-on. “I have no interest in being Wrexham’s pity project,” I bit out, “or the burden hanging about his neck. And fortunately, I don’t have to resign myself to either fate—because, although you seem to have somehow forgotten this, we areno longerbetrothed!”
“Hmm.” Amy gave me a measuring look. Then, maddeningly, her lips curved into an understanding smile. “Youaretired,” she said. “It wasn’t only an excuse after all.” Reaching out, she patted my arm consolingly. “I’ll see you at supper-time. You’ll feel better bythen.”
Argh!I had to press my lips together to keep my groan of frustration fromemerging.
The moment that the door closed behind her, I gave in. Scooping up a pillow from the bed, I pressed it to my face and let out a safely muffledhowl.
There was some satisfaction in letting my feelings out, after all. But it couldn’t change thetruth.
In only two hours, the supper bell would ring. Wrexham would be waiting. So would Amy...and so would a whole party full of happy, practicing magicians, laughing and toasting and arguing over spells that I would never, ever be allowed to castagain.
