22
Bernadette
FROM: DOLLY KEMP
TO: BERNADETTE FARMER
Dearest Bernadette—salutations from the great city of Miami (LOL just kidding)!
I’m sure my handsome nephew has kept you up to date, but I wanted to personally let you know that I’m at Marty’s place now and will return to 4B tomorrow. This may not affect you at all, as you may be spending nights in Brooklyn now, for all I know. I have my key, of course, so there is nothing you need to do.
I really have missed our townhouse and neighborhood. I look forward to seeing you again and catching up on juicy no-holds-barred girl talk (that’s a threatanda promise)! My sister and brother-in-law liked you very much when they met you at lunch, FYI. The McGoverns may not be exuberant people like you and I are, my dear, but they do know a good thing when they see it (eventually).
See you when I see you—but you’ll probably hear me running around screaming “it’s good to be home!” first,
xx Dolly
Well, I guess she didn’t get the message.
Although, I barely got a message from Matt either. Just a picture that made me burst into tears as soon as I saw it, and a hot pink Post-it Note with his new address on it. This is more than I usually get from a guy when a no-strings thing has ended, but so much less than I wanted from Matt McGovern, Esq.
I don’t know why I feel so hurt that he didn’t bring up the idea of me moving to Brooklyn. I don’t even meanmoving in with him, I mean it would have been nice if he had just asked if I’d be interested in moving to a place in Brooklyn so we could live closer to each other. But that’s crazy. We haven’t known each other long enough for that. Right?
I know I should have brought the idea up myself, but I felt so blindsided after Sebastian’s news and then seeing Vanessa, and now that he’s moved it just feels like it’s too late. It has only been a few days since he moved, but too many New York minutes have passed, and the fact that he didn’t bring it up says a lot.
And yet, Sebastianhasasked me to move in with him. A few months ago, I probably would have done backflips all the way to Hudson Valley. I did love Catskill when we visited on the weekend. He was a perfect gentleman when we spent time together. Itwaswork, and heisa nice boss. He didn’t cross any boundaries because I think I made it pretty clear to him that I wasn’t open to it anymore. If he’s at all heartbroken, he’s doing a great job of hiding it.
I, on the other hand, feel like people can just tell that I’m one country song away from bursting into tears. I can’t believe how quickly Matt went fromtheretonot there. But when I think about how unemotional he seemed, having moved away from Vanessa after living with her for years, it makes sense that it would take him three seconds to get away from me. And I’m so mad at myself for being angry and sad about everything when I’m the one who didn’t want to get attached in the first place.
I should have stuck to the rules.
I should have stuck to Netflix.
But, it’s impossible to go back to the way things were. This bedroom, this bed, feels so empty without Matt McGovern in it, or at least on the other side of the wall from me. Even my Apple TV Netflix app is pissing me off by constantly rearranging my carefully curated list of shows and movies like some shitty houseguest. I can’t find anything anymore. All Matt ever did to piss me off was rearrange my life and steal my heart.
It’s shameful how fast that heart races when I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket, and how I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders when I see that the wrong person is calling me. It’s Anita again. This is the third time she’s called in the last two days and I let it go to voicemail because I assume that she wants to talk about Matt. I don’t have the energy to have a conversation with her about hormones and penises right now.
It’s late, and I spent the whole day at Sebastian’s place making very specific labels for moving boxes and hiring the most expensive, highest rated moving company in the city. Everyone is moving and coming and going and I’ve just been sitting on my bed feeling sorry for myself, so I force myself to get up and check on Dolly’s plants to make sure they’re still in good shape. Also, to make sure there’s no evidence of my sexcapades with her nephew—not because I think it would bother her, but because I’m afraid she’ll ask me to describe every last detail when I see her.
It is so weird to be in 4B now that Matt and Daisy aren’t here. I may have to move just so I can get away from the lingering scent of Matt’s cologne. I better make this fast, or there is a good chance that Dolly will come home to find me curled up in a ball under the guest bed comforter, sniffing it. I stick my finger into the soil of all the potted plants in the living room and kitchen—all moist and healthy. Matt must have remembered to water them before he left.
What a guy.
The plants in Dolly’s bedroom and bathroom are all good—that leaves the one in the guest bedroom. The door is closed all the way. I knock first, as if there’s a chance maybe Matt’s hiding in there, waiting to jump out and yell “Surprise! I couldn’t leave you!” I laugh at the very thought of it because it would be so unlike him.
When I open the door, I try not to look at the bed, just head for the fig tree. But something else catches my eye—a hot pink Post-it Note that’s dangling from the wall behind the painting over the bed. My painting. I recognize Matt’s neat, controlled handwriting, and see the wordsfucking hot.Pulling it from the bottom of the painting reveals the whole note:You’re so fucking hot.
Did he leave me another note on a Post-it and forget to put it in the envelope? I mean. It had better be for me, and not his aunt. I find myself smiling, but I hope that’s not all he wanted to say to me. I notice that my painting is hanging a bit crooked. When I angle it to straighten it, I hear something rustle behind it.
I lift the canvas from the hook and find dozens of notes stuck to the wall.
And here we thought I was the nutty one…
I pluck one note at a time.
Thank you.
You’re good in bed.