21
Matt
“I’m glad you saw her,” I say. “I wasn’t sure how to bring it up.”
Bernadette looks so fragile and defensive right now. It seemed like the best time to mention that Vanessa suddenly decided to stop by wasnever. The truth is, she wanted me to know that things didn’t work out with Todd. She wanted to let me know that she regrets the way she ended things. She wanted me to know that she still cares about me.
“Thanks,” is what I said to her. “I’ve got a lot going on right now, so you’ll have to excuse me, but I appreciate you coming by.”
I was being polite. She told me she’d be in touch. She may have read it as me keeping things close to the vest, as usual. The problem with being stoic and expressionless all the time is that the people who think they know me well don’t realize that sometimes that means I actually don’t have any feelings for them.
But Bernadette’s just standing there, with her keys in one hand and her other hand on the door to her apartment, waiting for me to say more.
“Did you talk to her?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
“She just texted that she was in the neighborhood. She finally dropped off a few little things of mine that I left at the apartment. I mean, at her apartment.”
This doesn’t appease her to the degree that I had hoped it would. I shouldn’t have to tell her that nothing happened. She should know that I wouldn’t let anything happen.
“Nothing happened,” I say. It comes out sounding more defensive than I’d intended. “Are you okay? You look really tired.”
“Yeah. I am.” She starts unlocking her door, not looking at me. “This day has really kicked my ass.”
I’m about to ask her what I can do to make it better, but she continues.
“I found out that I need to work this weekend. So I won’t be here. When you guys move out.”
“Work, huh?”
“Out of town. Hudson Valley.”
And now my ass is getting kicked. I actually feel like she just sucker punched me. “You’re going to Hudson Valley with Sebastian? For the whole weekend?”
“Just overnight. I think. It’s—he bought a house. I have to help him arrange some things. I’m going to be pretty busy for a while. Hang on, let me get something.”
She goes inside her apartment, without inviting me in. So I get to stand here in the hallway, thinking about her spending the night out of town with Sebastian Smith. I won’t hear her next door when she gets home. I won’t be the guy who’s always calling and texting her to check up on her. I’m not that guy. I may be Emoji Guy for her, but I refuse to be the guy who begs for reassurance.
She comes back out into the hallway, offering me a little bag from a pet boutique, with tissue paper bunched up around whatever’s inside it.
“It’s a little jacket and winter booties for Daisy. For when it gets cold out. They were half-off. In case…well, I just saw them and got them for her because they were cute.”
“Thanks.” I don’t take the bag from her. “Do you want to see Daisy? Give this to her yourself?”
She lets out a little sigh and nods.
I let her into my aunt’s apartment. Daisy gets up from her dog bed in the living room as soon as she sees Bernadette and comes over to her, her entire body wagging. I watch my soon-to-be ex-neighbor give my dog all of the affection that she doesn’t seem to think I deserve right now. Tears are streaming down her face while she whispers sweet nothings to Daisy, as if it’s the last time she’ll ever see her.
“It’s just Brooklyn,” I grumble. “It’s not that far. You’re still going to see her…” As soon as I say it, it hits me that she may have already decided that she won’t.
She wipes her face with the back of her hand and nods. “Were you going to give me a note? Under the door?” She asks me this like it’s some sort of a challenge.
I remember that I put it in my back pocket. “It just says to let me know when you’re home.”
“Oh.” She looks down at Daisy, and she seems to come to some sort of decision. She takes a deep breath before saying: “Sebastian is moving to Hudson Valley. He’s going to be based there. And he asked me to go with him. I don’t know what I’m going to do.” She finally looks up at me. Her eyes go wide. “Matt—unclench your jaw—you’re going to crack your teeth!”
Emoji Guy is dead.“He’s asked you to move with him to Hudson Valley and you’re going there with him this weekend, to spend the night. Did I get that right?”
