Bernadette rolls her eyes at me, Mrs. Benson totally falls for it, and everyone else scoffs.
“Where are you from, Matt?” asks Mrs. Benson, without giving Liza a chance to tell everyone what her favorite book is.
“Your crazy wet dream,” Liza mumbles. “And my favorite book isA Discovery of Witchesbecause I like it—thanks for asking!”
I notice Bernadette waiting for my answer, even though Carl is going on and on to her about the pros and cons of the various dating apps he’s been abusing.
“I grew up in Santa Barbara,” I say to Mrs. Benson. “California.”
“Oh, lovely! Liza’s always wanted to go there, haven’t you, Liza?” Before Liza can answer, she continues, “Oprah lives there, doesn’t she?”
“I think she’s in Montecito, yes, which is in Santa Barbara County.”
“Do you have siblings? Liza is an only child.”
“I can speak for myself, you know,” she grumbles to her aunt.
“Well then why don’t you do that instead of mumblingtoyourself?”
Liza rolls her eyes and then angles her body towards me slightly, without actually looking directly at me. “Um…Do you have siblings?”
Again, I catch Bernadette’s gaze darting over to me, but she quickly looks away when she realizes I’m looking at her. “I’m an only child too, actually.”
“Oh yeah—me too!”
“Look at that,” declares Mrs. Benson. “Something in common!”
Liza guffaws. She is exasperated. “Are you really even single?” she asks, still barely turning her head to look at me.
“I am. I just got out of a long-term relationship.”
“Why’d you break up?” Carl stops mid-sentence in his conversation with Pearl and Bernadette to ask me this, with a challenging tone. I’m not a big fan of this guy. If Mrs. Benson actually thought that he and Bernadette would hit it off, she may be kookier than I thought.
Bernadette doesn’t look up at me, but her body has gone still, and I can tell she’s waiting for my answer.
“We grew apart,” I finally say. It has become my standard response, and it’s the simplest way to convey the truth of the matter. It’s certainly all that Carl needs to know about the situation.
“Yeah,” he says, nodding. “Been there. Can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.”
“I heard that,” the married guy says. I can hear his wife punch his leg under the table. I’m not sure if they’ll be married much longer.
After staring at me, for what feels like an eternity, Pearl blurts out: “I’m only saying this because I’m slightly intoxicated, not because I’m a bitch, but I don’t think you’re all that handsome, Mr. McGovern.”
Everyone else in the room but Pearl and I burst into fits of laughter.
“I agree,” I say.
“Right? But I don’t mean it as an insult. You guys—stop laughing! He’s got magnetism. I mean, yes, he has a perfectly symmetrical face and a perfect body from what I can tell, and it’s hard not to stare at him, but it’s because of his magnetic personality.”
“Thank you,” I say, as earnestly as possible, because how the fuck else am I supposed to respond to that.
“Bullshit!” Mrs. Benson yells out! “Bull! Shit! You are such a phony, Pearl Wexler, why can’t you just admit you’re lusting after him? You think that makes you an intellectual? You think you’re better than us if you aren’t drooling over a man? Look at Bernadette! She could care less about him but she’s not flaunting it like an asshole!”
“There it is! Here we go! It’s not a party until Regina starts yelling at me.” Pearl raises her wine glass in Mrs. Benson’s direction, spilling it a bit. “Doesn’t matter if it’s coffee and donuts in the break room or a birthday dinner at the Algonquin—the grand tradition continues!”
“Oh yes, as always, let’s make this all aboutyou!”
Finally, Bernadette’s eyes meet mine. We both struggle to suppress our smiles. We both inadvertently stare at each other’s lips before looking away.
I get a second wind, knowing that within a couple of hours, we will be one floor up and those lips will be touching mine.
