It is so beautiful and fun and cool, and I’m so happy for Shauna, that I haven’t had one neurotic thought since we parked and stepped out of the car here. Not about Braddock, not about my career, or my financial situation. I don’t wonder why he and I have been seated at the same table together yet again. I even laughed it off when Maya sent me a text during the first course that said:Dude. You should see the way he looks at you when you aren’t looking! He totally heartsyou!
No stressful reactions atall.
Untilnow.
I have wandered back over to the buffet table for more delicious non-greasy organic fried chicken and mouthwatering buttered gluten-free biscuits, and Brianna has approached me, wine glass in hand. I can already tell by her gait and her glassy eyes that she’s on her fourth glass of chardonnay. She grasps my arm and squeezes, probably harder than she meansto.
“Erin Duffy Erin Duffy ErinDuffy.”
“Hi.”
“You have to tell me—I mean wait. I have to tell you first…” She takes a deep breath, looks back at her table, where her lawyer husband is watching her judgmentally. She waves at him to mind his own business. “Erin!” She speaks directly into my ear canal. “I have to tell you. That time I had sex with Scott Braddock. He came to our room looking for you. And I seduced him. With myboobs.”
“Oh, we don’t have to talk aboutthat.”
“No, I have to. I didn’t tell you, because I wanted him for myself. Not as much before, but after he fucked my brains out, I don’t know if you remember, but I was kind of obsessed withhim.”
“Vaguely.”
“So I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Because I think he really likedyou.”
“That was a long timeago.”
“But I mean, come on.” She nudges me, so hard that I almost drop my plate full of chicken. “That guy’s mouth, am I right? He can just fuck a womansilly.”
“Oh we aren’t—wejust—”
“He’s still the best sex I’ve ever had in my life, can you believethat?”
“Um.”
“And I mean I had a lot of sex the year after we graduated. A lot. But my vagina was like—enh. Braddock was better. So I’m just saying. I’m glad you finally gothim.”
“I don’t havehim.”
“I mean. I’m over him, mentally. It’s notthat.”
“Of course, I getit.”
“But your body remembers things, youknow?”
I know. My body is still trying to forget. Stop talking.“Uhhuh.”
“Like I can’t remember the address of the dorm we lived in, I can’t remember the moves toGangham Style, but my sexual anatomy has an unbelievably strong sense memory of every single thing that guy did to me in that one hour period of mylife.”
Please kill me.“Mmmhmm. Well. You’re happy now,so.”
“I mean, if I weren’tmarried…”
“Well, you are, and he seems like a great guy, so good foryou.”
“He’s okay. We work on it. I have to pee. We need to talk morelater.”
“Definitely.”Not.
I’m fairly sure she made it to the restrooms without falling on her face, but I can’t becertain.
“So, you and Braddock, huh?” A man’s voice thistime.
