Having that reporter use his bark on me broke something inside me.
My pack has been by to see me, my best friends, and bandmates too. They’ve all been by my side, my support system. And normally, I’d adore them for it. But it’s hard when I feel myself slipping into this depression that I don’t know how to get out of.
It was one thing with Julia. She was my manager, she wanted something out of it. She was close to me.
But this man? This man was a stranger on the streets. The reality that any Alpha could use their bark on me is fucking terrifying.
That moment was terrifying.
I feel violated.
It wasn’t the questions he was asking–those I would have gladly given them the answer to, if they had just let me talk.
It was forcing it out of me against my will that killed something inside of me.
“You need to eat,” Nate implores, his voice broken. I feel bad, I really fucking do. I’m hurting the people around me by shutting down. But I can’t help it.
It’s like I’m inside my own head, screaming to leave me alone while my body and mind work against me.
“No,” I murmur, curling up in a ball on my side.
“If you don’t eat, you’re not going to be allowed to leave the hospital. Please.”
“Go away.” I close my eyes, and my heart shatters as Nate leaves the room in tears.
“Hey, hey. It’s okay.” Liam’s faint voice can be heard from the hallway.
“No, it’s not. She won’t eat. She’s hardly sleeping. She’s losing weight at an alarming rate... Liam, this isn’t good.”
“I know.” Liam’s voice cracks. “I know.”
My eyes flutter shut, opening again at the smell of Brady’s scent.
He says nothing as he pulls me into his arms. I don’t fight him, letting him settle me on top of his chest. “Shhh,” he murmurs as he starts to purr. “Just sleep, baby.” He kisses the top of my head. “I got you.”
So I do.
For the next few weeks, every time I open my eyes, Lulu is there. She's the only one who refuses to leave my side.
Every day, they work hard to get me to eat just enough to keep me from dying. It was enough for the hospital to approve my going home. By the third week, I’m admitted to the hospital again.
I’ve never felt so broken and lost in my life. My mind and body want to give up, but my soul and heart are begging me to keep going. On the inside, I’m in pain from the violation that happened to me and the continuous hurt I’m causing my pack. On the outside, I’m just this shell of my old self.
It’s after visiting hours, so my pack is gone for the night, despite Lulu freaking out about staying with me. They let her stay an hour longer and will let her come back an hour before in the mornings, but that's all they would budge on.
Brady, Liam, Nate, and Lulu kissed me, promising they would be back tomorrow. Seeing the broken look in their eyesfucking kills me. Gavin begged me to fight, to come back to them, because seeing his brother and Omega hurt like that was killing him too.
I wanted to scream out for them to come back, to not leave me and instead hold me, never letting go.
But my fucking mouth wouldn’t work. My brain is fucking broken. I hate myself. I hate my body. I hate my fucking mental health.
They have me on new meds and are trying to get me back into therapy. But it’s hard when the person you're trying to help refuses to do anything.
I’m being wheeled back from getting blood work taken when I see someone familiar.
My brows furrow as I see someone pushing her in a wheelchair.
What is she doing here? Is she okay?
