I nod. I can do that. I can show her how sorry I am, that I’ll never hurt her again. I just need to figure out a way to get her to talk to me. “You guys will help?”
“Of course we will.” Peyton says. “We love you, Sage. Even when you’re a massive cunt.”
I choke on a laugh. “Alright. I think I know what I need to do. We need to reopen tomorrow though, no more moping and losing money.” I try to say lightly.
They’re right, I’m not going to solve anything laying around and feeling sorry for myself. I need to fix this.
I’m going to get my girlfriend back.
I let out a heavy sigh as I climb the brick steps that lead up to Piper’s front door. My feet feel like lead, my entire body does if I’m being honest. It feels like I have the worst hangover of my life, but I didn’t drink anything last night. Even though I really fucking wanted to. I didn’t deserve to let myself drown out my misery, not after the horrible shit I said to Emma.
I knock on the door before letting myself inside and announcing my arrival, tossing my shoes to the side of the entryway and walking toward the kitchen where I can hear Hank messing around with the boys.
“That is perfect form, Tyler.” Hank says, watching over him as he roughly chops up vegetables with one of those plastickitchen knives made for kids. He’s got his little hand gripping the handle of his knife tightly, his other fist holding onto a carrot as he chops at it. His little tongue poking out as he concentrates on his task. His brothers are chasing each other around their kitchen table and I just soak it all in. The laughter and warmth. I want it to make me feel better the way it always does when I come over here, but it isn’t working tonight.
Hank notices me and lifts a hand in greeting while he checks on whatever he’s got going in the oven. It smells delicious, and I know that it will be. Hank is a great cook, always has been. “Aunt Saggy’s here.” He calls out to the littles, who immediately change direction and run at me, each grabbing onto one of my legs.
“You made it!” Brody screeches, squeezing me tighter.
“I did.” I say walking with them still suctioned to me and flopping down in one of the kitchen table chairs. “Why wouldn’t I have been here?”
“Mommy said you were sad and might not.” He says shrugging his little shoulders. My heart squeezes in my chest and I scoop him up from his death grip on my leg to give him a hug.
“I am sad, but this makes me feel better.” I say, kissing the side of his hair.
He reaches his little hands up to squish my cheeks together and stares at me. “Do you want to go see my monster trucks, Aunt Saggy?”
“I absolutely do.”
He grabs my hand and I follow behind him and Dylan as they drag me to their bedroom. I wave a hand in acknowledgement when Hank calls out that dinner will be ready in twenty minutes and smile as the little boys I love more than anything giggle away while we zig-zag down the hallway.
They shove me into their bedroom where a line of monster truck toys lay on the floor. It looks like they arranged them bysize and color. I let out a low whistle and squat down. “These are really cool, dudes. You have more than the last time I saw them.”
Dylan leans down and plucks one from the line up and hands it to me. “Mommy buys me trucks when I’m sad. You can have that one, Saggy.”
I clear my throat, emotion clogging it as I stare down at the neon blue and orange truck in my hand. “Thanks, bud.” I manage to get out. “I feel better already.”
I help them pull out their car track and we play some game they made up that involves a lot of car crashing until Hank calls us in for dinner.
Piper is dishing food onto plastic plates for the kids when we walk into the dining room and I help her out while all the boys settle into their seats. “You made it.” She says softly, knocking into my side. “You doing okay?”
I shake my head, plopping a scoop of the baked pasta Hank made onto the plate in front of me before adding salad and handing it to Tyler. “Can we talk about it later?” I mutter as I hand off the next kid’s plate.
“Of course.” She gives me a sad smile. “We don’t have to talk about it at all if you don’t want to.”
“I do.” I say quickly, and I mean it. I want to talk to her about what happened. I need to. My sister has been my number one fan my whole life. She’s always supported me, no matter how crazy my ideas were. When I wanted to move to Chicago, she started looking for apartments right away— researching the safest areas and the best places for takeout. When my parents went on their homophobic rampage and kicked me out, she took me in and disowned them. She’s the person I have always looked up to, and even when we butt heads she’s my rock. She’s the person I know I can be my most vile self around, and she will still love me the most. My eyes burn as I look at her, her faceso similar to mine, just lined more with life and laughter. “After dinner.” I say softly.
We all tuck into the delicious meal Hank made us, each of us taking turns talking about what our favorite part of our days were— a family tradition that is my favorite part of dinner at Piper’s. The kids make a mess that is equal parts endearing and frustrating, Piper and Hank talk about their plans for the week, and I nod along and answer questions when asked. I want to be fully present here with them all, but I feel like I’m being shoved under water and the only person who can pull me out is the one person I can’t talk to right now. I fucking hate this.
“Alright, up.” Piper says, pulling my chair out from the table. “Hank said he’d do the dishes so we can chat.”
“Oh, but that usually my job—” I start, but she shakes her head, grabbing my hand and pulling me up. “He’s fine in there and he knows that you need to talk about it.”
She wraps her arm around my shoulders and leads me into their den, plopping us down on the couch and swishing one of her cozy blankets on top of us. I lean into her and let out a shuddering breath. The tears I’ve been letting fester inside of me finally rolling down my cheeks and my sister runs a soothing hand through my hair.
“What happened, love?” She whispers against the top of my head.
“I really fucked up, Pipes.” I choke out around a sob. “I really, really fucked up.”
