‘Say something,’ she said, when she couldn’t stand the excruciating silence any more.
‘Is this true?’
‘Every single word.’
‘So you lied to me.’
At the chill in his voice, the giddiness evaporated and she went cold. Nausea rolled up her throat and for one terrible moment she thought she was going to pass out. Was that his takeaway from her declaration of her feelings? After she’d poured her heart out? ‘Not really,’ she said, an icy sweat beginning to break out all over her skin, her pulse thudding so hard her temples throbbed.
‘By omission.’
‘Does it matter?’
‘Of course it matters. Love was never part of the arrangement. How many times have I told you this is a marriage of convenience and nothing more?’
‘Dozens.’
‘Which bit of that do you not get? I thought we were on the same page.’
Battered by his unyielding attack, Sofia felt every word like a lash. Her eyes stung and her vision blurred. What she’d feared had come to pass. He didn’t appreciate her confession at all. But why not? Why was he so determined to deny what they both felt? ‘Are you saying youdon’tlove me?’ she asked, doing her best to keep the neediness she hated from her voice, desperate to hold herself together.
‘I’m saying you shouldn’t believe everything you read in the press. I’m saying it doesn’t matter one way or another. Feelings are irrelevant. Duty will always come first. If you think I’ve changed my mind about that, that’s your mistake. I’ve made my position abundantly clear on numerous occasions. I can’t comprehend why you’d suddenly believe otherwise.’
Well, she’d believed it because…
Because…
Because she’d dared to dream that his feelings for her would trump all else. Because she’d actually hoped that if he loved her, he’d see that his fears about destroying the monarchy were unfounded, that together they could be brilliant, and choose to put her first.
But why would he? she thought numbly as the scales fell from her eyes and all she was left with was blinding, heartbreaking clarity. No one else had ever made her their number one priority, so what had made her think he’d be different? What had made her thinkshe’dbe different? She’d tried so hard to secure her parents’ devotion by being the best she could be, but she’d failed then and she’d failed now.
Did he even love her anyway? He hadn’t denied it, but nor had he admitted it. Would it be worse to know that he did and denied it or didn’t in the first place? Either way, the truth was that she wasn’t enough. She was never ever enough. Andthiswas why she hadn’t wanted to confront him. Because she’d feared it might hurt, and it did. It was pain unlike anything she’d felt before. Pain that sliced her chest in two and ripped out her heart.
But he would never know, she vowed, blinking back the sting in her eyes as she swallowed down the hot tight lump in her throat. He would never, ever know. Because her self-respect was all she had left.
‘You know what?’ she said, needing to get away before her strength and composure deserted her completely and she made even more of a fool of herself than she already had. ‘Forget it. Forget I said anything. In fact, forget I was even here. I see no reason why our paths should cross in the future unless absolutely necessary. Our offices are perfectly capable of liaising with each other on our behalf. I’ll let you know when the pregnancy is confirmed but apart from that I won’t bother you again. Oh, and one other thing…’ With hands that were trembling, she tugged the rings that weren’t even hers off her finger and set them down on the desk. ‘Please see that these are put back in the vault until required. Goodnight.’
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
AS INSTRUCTED,Ivo did everything he could to forget that awful night in his study. He couldn’t think of it without shuddering. The drama. The passion. Sofia’s complete wrongness about everything.
Where the hell had his cool, level-headed Communications Secretary gone? he wondered in bafflement whenever the image of her standing in front of him, clearly overcome by emotion, slammed into his head, which was far too often for his comfort. When precisely had the asset turned into a liability? How had he never noticed? And as for all that guff about love… About her feelings and his… What had she beenthinking? As if either of them could afford to indulge in such self-centred nonsense. Wasthiswhat she’d been trying to hide at breakfast the morning after the ball? God.
She stayed out of his way, as promised. He’d accepted her emailed request to stand down from her role as Communications Secretary. He agreed with her assessment that her position had become untenable upon their marriage and she had other responsibilities now. One of which, presumably, was the child she was carrying.Hischild. His heir. Which he couldn’t let himself think about because it put too much pressure on his chest. When she’d told him the news, his first instinct had been to leap over his desk, gather her into his arms and kiss her into oblivion. He’d buried the urge, of course, but it kept trying to surface, and he simply couldn’t handle the unacceptable possibility that one day soon he might not be able to resist.
Only once had they been forced into each other’s company for any length of time. The reception to welcome the new Spanish ambassador to the country had required a united front. Just before they’d entered the Long Gallery, he’d handed her the rings that for some reason he hadn’t got round to placing in the vault, and she’d wordlessly put them on. She’d pulled her shoulders back and lifted her chin, looking so stunningly magnificent that he’d filled with the sudden, clamouring urge to take her back upstairs and beg her for forgiveness. He hadn’t, naturally, and had buried that urge too. Instead, he’d offered her his arm and together they’d performed a masterclass in royal protocol and duty. No one but him had noticed the strain of her smile or the tension that had gripped her. No one at all had noticed the strain ofhissmile or the tension that grippedhim.
Ivo had every reason to rejoice in the fact that Sofia finally understood that the monarchy was and always would be his number one focus. And he did, initially. He was relieved to discover that his judgement was sound, after all. He was absolutely certain that in time she’d get over whatever feelings she thought she had for him, he’d recover from the madness that had temporarily engulfed him and things would be back on an even keel.
Gradually, however, he began to feel as though something was off. Everything seemed to be conspiring against him. He lost track in meetings and forgot names. Carrying out the simplest of tasks was like wading through treacle. He was nearly dropping balls left, right and centre. The daily comms briefings with her replacement just weren’t the same. The damn rings kept winking at him from the bowl on the desk in which he’d put them, telling himself he’d deal with them later.
Because he’d had years of experience in the field of international diplomacy, he held it together so effectively that no one had any inkling what churned beneath the surface. Or in how many directions he was being torn. But unfortunately his mother knew him too well to be fooled.
‘What is going on?’ Elenor asked, having finally secured the audience that he’d repeatedly put off until he’d run out of excuses.
Shifting uncomfortably on the sofa in his private sitting room, Ivo wondered darkly why the women in his life kept asking him this. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Don’t be dense,’ she said with the bluntness he’d inherited. ‘I’m talking about Sofia. Or more precisely, you and Sofia.’
