Justine’s words echoed in Taylor’s mind, words Taylor knew she would never say herself. A rushing sound filled her ears and she struggled to catch her breath. She wanted to cry, scream, throw a tantrum like a child. Instead, she swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away her tears.
“Congratulations, babe!” she cried, trying to pass off her emotion as happiness. Which it was, absolutely. She was so thrilled for her, it had been Justine’s dream to be a mom for as long as Taylor had known her. Guilt stabbed at Taylor’s gut that her first thought when her friend shared such incredible news was for herself.
She enveloped Justine in a bear hug and pulled back to stare into Justine’s whiskey eyes filled with so much happiness. “You’ll be the most amazing mom, I cannot wait to watch you do this,” Taylor said, her voice husky with emotion before squeezing Justine again and kissing her cheek.
“And Blake! He’s gonna be the most amazing dad. No one will mess with your kid, they’ll be too terrified of him,” Christy said, and the three of them laughed.
“Oh God, my poor child,” Justine joked, cradling her still flat stomach protectively and Taylor’s heart squeezed in her chest.
“Let’s celebrate,” she said, distracting herself. She looped around the bar and grabbed three shot glasses and a bottle of Patrón but only filled two of the glasses.
“No fair, you know Patrón’s my favorite,” Justine whined.
“And you can absolutely have some, when the little one is out,” Christy teased. Taylor poured fruit juice into the remaining shot glass and handed it to a pouting Justine.
“To Blake, Justine and Bump,” Taylor said, raising her shot glass. Christy repeated the toast and Justine giggled before they all clinked glasses and downed their shots.
Christy began asking a million questions while Taylor secretly had three more shots of tequila. She listened in to every detail of pregnancy life that Justine shared, drinking it in and savoring the knowledge until it started to hurt again. When she couldn’t take anymore, she made an excuse about needing to go and do some paperwork. She hugged her friend again and when she pulled back, she cupped Justine’s cheeks.
“I’m so happy for you,mi corazón.”
Justine sniffled. “Te adoro.”
Taylor patted Christy’s arm before slipping away and into her office. She shut the door and went over to the window and stared out at the trees. A sob rose in her throat that she couldn’t stop.
Just one, no one will know.
She would not allow more than that. A single tear slipped over her lower lid and snaked a path down her cheek but she didn’t wipe it away.
She cupped a hand over her stomach. Grief and longing swept through her for what she’d lost followed by anger. She had been an idiotic teenager and now as an adult, she was paying the price.
Some days she could pretend it hadn’t happened. But other days, it was shoved front and center in her mind. Especially after an announcement like this. Taylor had been expecting it though, her friends were pairing off and getting married. Soon it would be Christy announcing the same news. She needed to get used to it, needed to stop finding the pain in it and embrace the joy.
A smile twitched at her lips at the thought of her being a cool aunt. At the idea of her stepbrother, Dean, being a dad. He would be the best dad, looking out for his child the way he’d looked out for her all these years.
She tried to steer her thoughts towards other things, but it seemed her brain was determined to pick over this and torture her with her most regrettable mistake. How could one kiss have such devastating consequences?
Her mind drifted back to that night. It always took her back to the most painful and humiliating moment. It was as fresh today as it was all those years ago…
She sprawled on Beau’s bed, watching him watch her, with that look in his eyes that made her feel truly desirable. Yes, her boyfriend Bobby wanted her, but he was a horny teenager who just wanted a body, he didn’t wanther.The way that Beau watched her? Unparalleled.
He was her best friend; he knew more about her than anyone. Knew her deepest, darkest secrets, her thoughts and fears, and yet he still looked at her like she alone hung the moon and dotted the night sky with every single star. It was addictive.
She had turned up at his house that evening, ranting about what anasshather shitty boyfriend Bobby was. As usual Beau just listened, he didn’t interrupt to give his opinion, didn’t hurry her along when she went off on a tangent. He just listened patiently and when she was finished, he went and got her favorite drink: strawberry milkshake. He always knew what she needed.
When he came back and sat next to her on his bed, the mattress dipping until she slid closer to him, it was like fate itself was trying to orchestrate what would happen next. Taylor had always excelled at hiding her feelings for him, not wanting to ruin the most important friendship she had. But tonight, something was different. The air around them was charged and heavy, expectant.
He looked over at her and she stared into those warm, dark eyes that made her insides twist into knots.
“You’re such a good listener…” she murmured, placing a hand on his thigh like it was the most natural thing to do. They had hugged before; she was used to touching him but her hand on his thigh was deliberate. A statement. The air between them thickened and she couldn’t draw enough breath. His tongue peeked out and swiped across his full bottom lip. She was dying to know if that lip was as soft as it looked.
Her arm lifted as though she were the puppet and someone else was pulling her strings. She stroked her hand over his cheek, her knuckles brushing his soft skin. Warm and silky, the lightest rasp from his facial hair. Before she could stop herself, she stroked his lip, his hot breath coasting over her thumb as it explored the place that fascinated her most.
He didn’t stop her.
Her boldness increased.
She slid her hands into his hair, desperate to know how it felt, she’d fantasized about it enough. When he still didn’t move to stop her, she settled her palm on the back of his neck and made her boldest move of all. She pulled him towards her, and he came willingly.
