“Yes, ma’am,” Dixon and I replied in unison.
When we boarded the plane home the next morning, after dinner with my brother and the Coulters and another amazing night in our yurt, Roxi asked, “So, when are you tellin’ your mama? Abey’s gonna be so excited Dixon’s comin’ home soon. I can’t wait to see her. They’re all gonna be so happy, Brand.”
I cleared my throat, trying to buy a little time. “I’m not.”
“You’re not what?” she asked as we ascended the stairs onto the plane.
“Tellin’ them. Not yet.”
“I’m sorry. What?”
“Dixon asked for a little more time. He wants to tell our family everything himself when he gets there.”
“Okay, and when will that be?”
“A few months.”
Roxanne deflated, and she flopped down into a seat and fastened her seatbelt. “Oh, Brand. You agreed to that?”
“Yes.” I left our bags in the aisle for the flight attendant and took my seat next to her. “He’s healthy. You saw him. He’s himself again. He’ll keep his word.”
“And if he doesn’t? He’s an addict, Brand. On the job, I’ve seen it time and time again. They make promises they don’t know how to keep. Or they relapse, and their loved ones are left holdin’ the bag.”
“He’s my baby brother,” I said, letting the cracks in my armor show, the armor I’d kept so close to my chest all these years, but if I was going to let anyone see it, it would be Roxanne. “Please understand.”
“I do understand. Truly, I do. But it’s a mistake.”
No. She didn’t get it. Keeping my promise to my little brother was all I had to prove me worthy of her. Didn’t she see that if I went back on my word, my integrity, my loyalty, and my right to everything I’d earned in my life weren’t worth shit?
“I’m not discussin’ it with you, Roxanne. Dixon gave me his word and he’ll keep it. End of story.”
“And what about your word? You promised me you’d tell your family.”
And now my armor hardened around me, like cured concrete, and I broke into pieces beneath. But I couldn’t let her see the devastation. I loved her for questioning and challenging me, but on this matter, my decision had to be final. My family’s happiness, their love for me, and my fucking self-worth depended on it.
“And I will. When Dixon’s home, we’ll tell them everything together.”
“Did it occur to you how this might affect me? I have to face your sister every day, which now means I’ll have to lie to her every day.”
She looked at me for a long while, silent. But I couldn’t look at her because she was right. If I kept Dixon’s secrets one day longer, I would be letting her down.
“You said this is about trust.” She motioned with her finger between the two of us. “Trust between you and me.”
“It is. I trust you. Don’t you trust me?”
She didn’t answer. She crossed her arms over her chest, closing herself off.
“Roxanne, answer me.”
“No. You don’t get to do that anymore. I’m not your toy. You can’t wind me up when you want me and expect me just to sit around waitin’ for the next time if you won’t give me anything back.”
“Pardon me,” the flight attendant said as she approached us, “I’m sorry to interrupt.” Her smile seemed forced, but she’d probably heard us arguing. “We’ll be taking off soon. Can I get you anything?”
Roxanne shook her head, looking out the window.
“No, thank you,” I said.
“Very well. Please buckle your seatbelt, sir,” she said, and she waited while I complied. “Thank you. We’ll be in Wyoming soon, but once we’re in the air, let me know if you change your mind.”
