He sensed his mother approaching, but Charlie must’ve signaled her to give them a minute.
John tried to pull back. “I’m sorry.”
“Nah, we’re not doing that, Johnny. You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.”
“You don’t need me crying all over you.”
Charlie released him but stayed close as John wiped the tears from his face. “You know what I need? A wife who isn’t sick with worry over what’s going on with her precious son, because we can all see that it’s something, and we want to help.”
John shook his head. “It’s not that simple.”
“Nothing ever is but keeping it all to yourself won’t fix it. That much I can promise you. Every problem I ever had got easier to handle as soon as I shared it with someone who cares.”
John wanted to say thanks but no thanks, but how could he with this man who’d come into his life later, but who’d been more of a father to him than he’d ever had, standing before him, asking to help? The way a good father would. More than anything, he didn’t want to disappoint that good man who’d come to mean so much to all of them.
“Okay,” John said as he allowed Charlie to usher him into the house, where his mother hovered anxiously.
“Let’s give him a minute,” Charlie said to Sarah, who nodded and put a beer on the table in front of the seat at the table that Charlie had guided him to. “That meatloaf sure smells good, honey.”
John’s stomach growled, and they all laughed.
Sarah gave John a kiss on the top of his head, the way she used to when he was little. “You always were a sucker for my meatloaf.”
The sweet gesture soothed the ache John carried with him everywhere he went. While his father had been a monster, his mother was an angel who’d saved them from living in utter despair. Some of his happiest childhood memories had been when his father was deployed for months, and they’d been alone with their mom. She’d made everything fun, with things such as dinner in the living room in front of the TV, which would’ve been forbidden on the general’s watch.
His mother put a plate full of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and corn in front of him. “Thanks, Mom.”
“My pleasure, honey.”
Kelsey and Jeff, on crutches, came in to join them for dinner, and Charlie jumped up to help Jeff into a chair that had a pillow on it.
Even though Charlie had been in their lives for a while now, it was still remarkable to watch him continuously step up for the Lawry kids, as if he’d always been a part of them. It occurred to John in that moment that if his mother could start over with a new, happy relationship after what the general had put her through, maybe he could, too.
When Jeff was settled, Charlie returned to his seat at the head of the table. “Thanks for dinner, honey. It’s delicious.”
“Oh, you’re welcome,” Sarah said, with a note of surprise in her voice. “I’m glad you like it.”
His father had never once thanked her for a meal she’d prepared, because he’d seen that as her duty to him and their family.
Charlie saw it as a gift she gave them all.
Kelsey whispered something to Jeff.
“No, thanks, babe. I’ve got it.”
Right here before him were two examples of true love at work among people who’d suffered through the same trauma he had. Sure, it’d had different edges for each of them, but the end result had been the same. His mom was happily settled into a whole new life with Charlie, Jeff had Kelsey, Julia had Deacon, Owen had Laura, Katie had Shane, Cindy had Jace… Their brother Josh, the only one who didn’t live on Gansett, had started dating someone special recently, too. They hadn’t let the past determine their futures. Why couldn’t he have someone for himself, too?
John put down his fork and wiped his mouth with a napkin. He felt the eyes of the other four on him, looking on with concern and bewilderment that made him feel bad for causing them to worry. They’d all been through hell together and were on the other side of it with the general in prison. While his siblings had done an admirable job of getting on with their lives, he was stuck in this strange limbo that was making him as miserable as he’d ever been.
“Are you okay, honey?” his mother asked in that tense tone that reminded him of a time he’d much rather forget.
“No, Mom, I’m not okay.”
Everything stopped as his family members waited for him to say more.
“Before Jeff got hurt, I was sort of seeing Niall.”
“Yes, we know,” Sarah said. “He seems like such a nice young man.”
