"Is there any reason you think he isn’t returning? Did he tell you he wasn’t coming back?"
"Yeah." I swallow.
"You sure about that."
"Let’s see, his exact words were, 'I can give you something to remember me by.' And also, 'promise me you won’t believe what you’ll hear about me.'" I wipe away my tears. "And then, after he fucked me again the second time, he said that he had to go." I bite the inside of my cheek. "And PS, he also took my virginity."
"Virginity?" Isla stares at me. "Thought you said you weren’t a virgin?"
"I lied." I brush away more tears. Shit, why the hell am I crying about him? A man who didn’t hesitate to turn and leave, even after I begged him not to. He doesn’t deserve me; he doesn’t. "It still doesn’t excuse what he did. He shagged me and then he left. I told him not to go. I begged him to stay. But he crept away from my bed while I was sleeping. The coward."
"Men," Isla huffs, "bloody wankers, the lot of them."
"They are." I nod "Especially Edward."
"Definitely Edward," she agrees. "He’s a douchebag."
"The worst kind of douche there is. He’s a motherfucking bastard and it doesn’t mean anything that he broke his vows for me. Or that he did stay and hold me while I slept." I take in a shaky breath. "Or that he did come to me before he left. He could well not have. He could have simply crept away and then… I’d have never known that he had feelings for me. And that would have been better, right?"
"Oh, Sweetie." Isla looks at me with compassion, and that’s the last straw. My heart shatters. The sobs well up and I bury my face in my hands and allow the tears to overwhelm me.
She reaches me, pulls me into an embrace and I wrap my arms around her. I bury my face in my friend’s shoulder and allow myself to give in to the weeping. Just this once, I’ll be weak. This once, I’ll allow myself to pour out all of my disappointment, my frustration, my helplessness in not being able to see that I was setting myself up for heartbreak.
What the hell had I been thinking, allowing myself to be attracted to a priest? Worse, I’d fallen in love with him. It had happened so quickly that I hadn’t been able to stop myself. Correction, I hadn’t wanted to hold back. I’d seen Edward and something had shifted inside of me. That base part of me had honed in on him. That primitive, feminine instinct in me had been attracted to him, hadn’t cared that he had dedicated himself to God. Oh, how innocent I’d been. I’d seen him as a challenge, had wanted to woo him away from his chosen path.
I had succeeded. And now I have to pay the consequences for it. He’d come to me, with the intention of leaving. Hell, I never had a chance. He’d come to tell me goodbye, I realize that now. But as soon as he’d seen me, something had changed in him. He’d asked me if I wanted him to shag me and I… I had said yes. How could I have said otherwise? Why had he even asked the question? Why couldn’t he have simply turned and left?
Would I have allowed him to do that?
Could I have let him walk out without…being with him? Why had I fallen asleep? Why had I not insisted that he fuck me again, and again, and again? So I’d have enough memories from one night to last me a lifetime. Shit, is that romantic? Or unrealistic? Or had I simply made the most of the opportunity I had been handed? If I had let him leave without sleeping with him, I’d have never forgiven myself. Truth.
And yet, he’d walked out on me. Had I slept with him hoping that it would change his mind? That once he’d been inside of me, he’d have never wanted to leave? A part of me had hoped… Okay, so I had staked my future on it. I had thrown myself into trying to please him, into being everything he wanted, and it had been incredible. The best experience of my life… One that I am not going to forget in a hurry—one I’m never going to get over. Let’s face it, after Edward, after realizing what he’d given up to be with me, how he’d turned to me for comfort, how he’d fucked me everywhere, in every hole… How could I possibly find anyone else who’ll compare?
Baron could. He’s as intense, as gorgeous… There is something about him that resonates with me…in a different way. A darker way.
Where Edward was light… Baron is the other side. Like opposite sides of the same coin. Or the edge. That thing just out of reach that makes me want to grasp it. That hints at something hot and passionate just under the surface. I suppose they are similar in that way. Edward had been restricted by the bars he’d imposed on himself due to his calling. Baron…he seems to have simply locked himself away. He is unreachable, in a different way.
I step back, and Isla releases me.
She scans my features. "You okay, hun?"
"Yeah." I swallow, "What was the name of the seventh guy you mentioned, the one who disappeared after the incident?"
She searches my features, "You mean, Baron?"
I open and shut my mouth, "His name was Baron?"
She nods, "Yes... Why?"
Shit, no wonder his name had seemed familiar but I hadn't placed it earlier. Guess I had been a little preoccupied when I'd met him. Only with the man I'd thought meant something to me walking out on me. No biggie. Of course, I hadn't made the connection between my Baron—no, not my Baron—between the stranger whose name is Baron and the Baron who is one of the Seven. The Baron who is a mystery and a challenge… One… I have no intention of pursuing. No way, am I going to be interested in him. Not so soon after Edward. The last thing I need is a rebound affair…and especially, not this quickly after Edward, and not with someone who knows Edward. Not to mention, someone who didn't mention to me that he knows Edward. The blood drains from my face.
"Everything okay?" Isla asks
"No, but it will be." I rub my palm across my face, glance down at the splotches of moisture on her jacket. "Sorry, I spoiled your clothes."
"Oh, forget about that." She waves a hand in the air. "It will dry. Now why don’t we get you home, and I can pour us both drinks and—"
A sound at the doorway, has us both turning toward it.
