The dread I’d been pushing down all afternoon bubbled back up with a ferocious strength, making me feel ill. I swallowed hard, taking a breath to steady myself.
“Thanks Gina. Tell him I’ll be out in a couple of minutes,” I replied quietly. This was it. It had hurt to see Benny and Joel earlier, but Luke? He was a whole other ball game. Luke was the one hurt the most when I left because he loved me. I knew he did. He never said anything but it was in the way he looked at me, the way he acted around me. But he never said anything and so, neither did I. If he’d wanted anything to happen between us, it would have. It hadn’t made it any easier to leave though.
Slowly, I gathered my things together and dropped what I needed into my handbag. I tucked the strap over my shoulder and held it close as I left the office, holding it as though it would protect me from the slew of emotions that were resurfacing with each passing moment. I made my way out to the front where the bar was and had to stifle a gasp when I saw him standing there.
He was leaning casually against the bar, his back to me but I’d recognise him anywhere. Luke had haunted my dreams for so long, I knew I’d never forget him. Squaring myshoulders, I strode over to him and cleared my throat. He jolted into an upright position, the easiness he’d had moments before gone, replaced by tension radiating off of him as he faced me.
“Hi Luke,” I greeted softly, regretting not taking the chance to flee while his back was turned. His eyes travelled the length of me, glinting with an emotion I couldn’t quite decipher. I felt exposed under his scrutiny and shifted the bag on my shoulders, needing to hang on to something for my own sanity. He hadn’t changed much. He was still the same handsome man I’d fallen for, albeit with more tattoos than I could recall. With his dirty blonde hair tousled into a messy style, his biceps on show beneath his black t-shirt and black jeans, it was all I could do to stop myself from licking my lips. Why did he still have to look so hot?
“Hi Kate,” he returned, shifting from one foot to the other. “Shall we take a seat?”
“Actually, do you mind if we go for a walk instead? I’m in need of some fresh air,” I answered, moving before he could stop me and headed outside. I waited for him to catch up, then began walking. I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I needed to move.
We strolled along in silence for a few minutes, affording me some grace to gather my thoughts together. We were making our way across a local park when he piped up.
“So, how long have you been back?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, curiously.
“How long have you been back since you left? Must have been a while considering you’re a manager now at SweetDreams,” he replied, keeping his gaze focused on the path ahead.
“What do you mean? I never left.”
Luke halted in his tracks, pausing to stare at me incredulously.
“Yes, you did. I came looking for you after you ditched the band and Mr Castle told me you’d left and weren’t coming back.”
My eyes widened as the realisation sank in. Oh no. I hadn’t realised that was what Mr Castle had told him. He’d never said, just that Luke wouldn’t come looking for me anymore. I’d been so grateful, considering how hard it had been to leave the band in the first place. I swallowed the lump forming in my throat, unsure how to answer.
“I went to my aunt’s house for a few months. By the time I came back, you and the guys had already been snapped up and left. I just went back to work and that’s what I’ve done ever since,” I told him, erring on the side of truth as much as I could without telling him everything. His mouth dropped open.
“Wait. You’re telling me you’ve been here practically the whole time?” Luke spluttered. At my nod, he continued. “Why did you go to your aunt’s house? Why didn’t you talk to me and tell me what was going on? I still don’t know why you left.”
I strode forwards then, struggling to find the right words. I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t want him to pity me. He needed a safer version of it. He fell into line beside me, waiting expectantly for my response.
“I left because I didn’t want to hold you back.” I took a second to tuck an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “I had some stuff going on and I didn’t want to drag you guys into it so I left. It was better for everyone that way.”
He grabbed my arm, pulling me to a halt once more.
“How was that better for everyone? What didn’t you want to drag us into? You know we would’ve helped.”
“I know and that’s the problem. You couldn’t help and you would’ve stayed to help me. I didn’t want that. I wanted you to go off and live the life you’d been dreaming of. I know I hurt you and the others when I took off but it was just…me trying to do the right thing. Ok?”
I could feel my cheeks blazing, the heat radiating from me as I breathed heavily. I felt like I might cry and that angered me. I’d cried enough over this guy and the band far too often. I wasn’t going to feel bad for making the right decision or for hiding the truth from him.
Luke’s gaze softened but I was too annoyed to care. He could think what he liked about me. Before he could say anything, I ran off, leaving him to stand staring after me. It was a cowardly thing to do but if I didn’t, I’d end up spilling my guts as to what had really happened and I couldn’t stand for him to know.
I just couldn’t.
three
. . .
Luke
After Kate leftme standing alone in the park, I made my way back to the house.
Benny and Joel wanted to know what happened so I told them, even though there wasn’t really much to go from. Kate believed she was protecting us from something that had happened to her and I had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a piece of information I would get out of her easily.
