‘Welcome to Behind the Curtain! I see you’re dealing with...anxiety issues, no?’
The students all nodded. Holding up a finger, Uncle Oswald emptied a black velvet bag onto the hammered-brass elephanttable in front of him. A series of watermelon-coloured gemstones landed on the elephant.
‘Tourmaline,’ whispered Uncle Oswald, twirling his awful moustache with a finger – ugh, Effie hated that moustache. He whipped his cape from side to side in a practised move. ‘Now, this one becomes electrically charged when heated or squeezed, helping you move those toxins and stressors out of your body and into your crystal.’
The students exchanged unimpressed looks.
‘Keep it close, and you’ll see it work its magic on your circulation, bones and teeth, and, perhaps most importantly, bloating.’
‘I reiki my own crystals,’ whispered a student in dayglo Birkenstocks to their friend, who wore a pink beanie perched atop her waist-length hair. ‘I saw this great video on it. I’ll show you.’
‘Truly, if it’s stress management and sleep support you’re looking for, in addition to ahundredother things, tourmaline is the panacea.’ Realizing he was losing his audience, Uncle Oswald unfurled a scroll detailing the ways that tourmaline could heal the body, support the heart and save the soul. ‘Who wants to pick up a piece and feel it take on their warmth?’
The students shrugged, looking at each other and waiting for someone else to take the lead. Finally, apparently feeling bad for Oswald, the girl in the pink beanie took the watermelon-coloured stone.
‘It’s kinda warm, I think?’ she said after a moment. She passed it to another girl clad in a Little Mermaid T-shirt roughly ten sizes too big. ‘Here, you try.’
‘It’s pretty?’ offered the girl. ‘Although my CBD pen is pretty good for stress relief. And it’s way cheaper.’
‘You won’t get prices better than these – or purer gems,’ Oswald reassured her. ‘We’re looking at just $300 for a carat of the green, and about double that for the watermelonsamples. For the Paraíba blue, the sought-after Brazilian option, we’ll talk out back. And remember, every gemstone in Behind the Curtain has been blessed under a full moon, doubling its efficacy and its protective nature.’
The students hesitated.
‘I do my own moon-charging,’ murmured a girl with green-and-white striped hair that Effie wasn’t sure was deliberate or the result of a terrible accident involving household bleach.
‘I can do $250 for the green,’ offered Uncle Oswald, who was slightly sheened with sweat. Apparently the evil within was coming to the surface for a breather. ‘I can feel the elevated stress levels you’re giving off. Your auras, they’re positively buzzing with it.’
The students now looked anxiously tempted, and Effie wanted nothing more than to step in and tell them to spend their money on some books instead. Or even better, to keep their money and sign up for a library card. She felt her wrists growing warm. Perhaps she could disrupt the 5G signal in here and prevent any payments from going through. But Effie wasn’t one to meddle, especially not through magic. Mom had always emphasized howimpracticalmagic could be, that in spite of your best efforts and most charitable goals, it had a habit of going wrong, especially when used on other people. Not only that, but it invited questions, and questions invited attention. Too much attention, and you ended up staring out at a yard full of pitchfork-toting townsfolk, like Great-Aunt Grace, who – well, the less said about that, the better.
‘Aha! Found it!’ exclaimed Tessa. She hefted a Bastet cat sculpture with lapis eyes and ears. ‘Claudette’s going to love it. There’s no way she has something this gaudy.’
Uncle Oswald’s eyes lit up at the sight. ‘Wonderful taste. Just wonderful. He’s been calling out for an owner, um...’
‘Tessa,’ supplied Effie, setting down the agate coaster she’djust been inspecting. ‘We’ve only been friends our entire lives.’
‘Of course, of course. You must forgive me.’ Oswald tapped his temple with a ringed finger. ‘My fluorite memory crystals need to be recharged.’
‘Well, there’s a full moon coming up,’ offered Effie drily, sparking some excited muttering from the students. ‘You can leave them out with your potions and moon water. I find the bug corpses give it an extra kick.’
Oswald’s brow furrowed. He knew he was being mocked, but didn’t want to call it out in front of his customers, who were still whispering together about the tourmaline. Which was probably just polished glass, knowing Uncle Oswald.
‘I’m definitely taking the cat. What’s your best price?’ asked Tess, her hand on the sculpture.
Uncle Oswald tapped the price tag, which had a number written in gold and was attached to the statue by a thin gold string. He might be a charlatan, but Uncle Oswalddidknow a little something about branding. ‘The price is final.’
Tessa shook her head. ‘The price is never final.’
‘Let’s start at half and go from there.’ Effie regarded an ornate crystal grid, a decorative laser-cut board arranged with a rainbow profusion of crystals. It promised total calm for a mere thousand bucks (board included).
‘Half!’ If Uncle Oswald had magic, his wrists would’ve been crackling in indignation.
Effie raised an eyebrow. ‘And throw in a pack of those tarot cards before I tell your shoppers about the source of your tourmaline.’
Uncle Oswald spluttered. ‘I’m only discounting this because I have a familial responsibility to you. Because Lyra would have wanted me to help her girls.’
He plucked the cat from its velvet display and carried it off to the register, hopefully eyeing the students as he rang up the cat.
‘And have we made our decision?’ he called across the room, clearly hoping to get ahead of Effie’s threatened comments about his tourmaline pricing.
