I’d fantasized about meeting him again in the way you do years after the fact. The famous “ohthat’swhat I should’ve said or done” that we all get sometimes. Hindsight.
I knew I would’ve frozen the moment I saw him in my barn. But I would’ve recovered, and I would’ve told him that he could work with Fern if they wanted to, but that he wasn’t to step foot on my property.
Then I would’ve asked his wife about the horse, if he hadn’t hustled her away by then. I would’ve been nice to her, and I would’ve ignored him completely.
Because I didn’t need Richard. I didn’t want him, either.
Like I’d told Carter, I wasn’t a child anymore. When Richard got his claws into me, I’d been young and naïve, and he’d left scars. Hell, Carter had felt those scars himself from the beginning. He knew they were there.
And now… now I felt oddly betrayed. Like he’d turned me back into the hurt boy I’d been five years ago more than Richard could’ve done today. It didn’t matter to my wounded heart that he hadn’t meant it. That he’d wanted to shelter me from whatever the confrontation might’ve become.
The only thing that mattered was that I wasn’t the boy anymore, and I never wanted to feel like him again.
I didn’t go to dinner, but someone must’ve told Mom not to worry. Or maybe they’d let her think I went to Carter’s place.
I cleaned myself up a bit in the washroom at the barn, then made my way to my office to wait for whoever was going to check up on me and demand answers.
Eventually, I heard the squeak of the smaller barn door, and steps coming up the stairs.
I was lying on my couch, one arm under my head as I stared at the rafters above.
Fern and Gemma stepped inside and closed the door.
“No Bodhi?” I asked dryly.
“No. He said you’d tell him if he needed to know,” Fern murmured.
She went to pull my chair closer and sat, while Gemma took her own chair.
I appreciated Bodhi’s decision. He was on a need-to-know basis with a lot of things. I had a feeling there was enough going on inside his head that he didn’t need anyone else’s problems.
But he would also jump in front of a bullet for any of us, and that was what mattered.
I sighed. “Ask.”
“Why did Carter want to get rid of the Buchanans today?” Fern spoke evenly.
“I remember the gelding. It was a fine horse,” Gemma said before I had time to gather my words. “I didn’t like Richard. There was something… smarmy about him.”
“Yeah! That’s exactly it!” Fern shook her head in my periphery. “He hides it well, but it’s there. The wife has no idea, either. It’s like… she’s in denial or just oblivious.”
I chuckled tiredly. “I think it’s a bit of both, depending on context.” I sighed and closed my eyes. “Long story short, he seduced me. He kept coming back to ‘check on the horse’ and then fucked me wherever he could. I had no idea he was married until I went to deliver the gelding. It was a fifteenth anniversary gift for her.”
The silence was unlike my sisters. Then Fern began to cuss under her breath.
“Jesus Christ, Brubby,” she said on an exhale.
“I won’t ask why you didn’t tell anyone,” Gemma murmured, her voice holding more emotion than I could really deal right then.
“Nobody knew. Not until recently. I told Carter because I felt we couldn’t move forward until he knew why I was the way I was.”
“Thisis why you hated him so much in the beginning!” Gemma exclaimed.
“Yeah. He reminded me too much of Richard.”
Fern leaned forward. “He was trying to protect you from Richard.”
I let out a laugh through my nose. “Yeah.”
