Hawk
Ibolted. I power-walked out of the barn and straight to the paddock where Humphrey was grazing with his friends. He saw me coming, read my body language, and unlike the other horses who looked alarmed, Humphrey stood still and waited.
I grabbed his mane and launched myself up and onto his back, then nudged him forward as I clung to his sturdy body.
He took off like a controlled rocket. He was too good of a boy to bolt forward even in these circumstances, even when my energy was so off that the other horses didn’t know what to do with me.
But Humphrey knew. It wasn’t the first time I’d done this, after all. Maybe not in a while, but he knew this side of me better than anyone. Because nobody else had seen it.
The paddock was the biggest one we had, so I let him run until I couldn’t see the barns and all I could hear was the wind and hishooves beating the ground. Then I leaned back, and he slowed down to a trot, then to a walk, and finally, panting from the sudden exercise, a stop.
I let myself fall forward to hug his neck and patted him where I could reach. “Good boy….”
I couldn’t imagine going back to work, so I nudged him forward. We might as well check the fence or something.
As he strolled and occasionally chomped on some grass for traveling snacks, I tried to make myself think about what had just happened.
I don’t know what had drawn me to go watch Carter’s lesson. Probably curiosity. I’d heard Mal mention maybe getting him a different horse, and I agreed on that. But it was Mal’s show for now.
Then I’d stood there in the shadows, watching Carter morph from one person into another. It happened to everyone when they started to learn how to ride horses. There was always a moment when everything truly clicked for the first time, and then you chased that thing until it became second nature.
I guess the madness had started yesterday when I’d walked back downstairs and saw him being silly with Aria. He was a completely different man with a toddler he didn’t even know in his arms. It was clear he was uncomfortable, but he’d stepped up instinctively when I’d needed him to.
Not that I’d expected him to drop the baby or anything, but I’d seen how stunned he was a split second before I bolted upstairs driven by worry.
He’d gotten much more than I’d anticipated when I invited him to the house, too. I guess my temporary insanity was part of seeing him in a new light and the whole thing with Miranda and the baby. I should’ve thought it could’ve been someone I knew before the revelation, but I hadn’t been thinking that far.
All of that combined with seeing him click with Niko today and… yeah.
It wasn’t as if I didn’t know he was an attractive man. That he was as close to my “type” as anyone could be. It just sucked a bag of donkey dicks—sorry Juanpablo—that my type was…Argh.
I tensed enough that Humphrey almost stumbled.
“Sorry, boy.” I patted him a little.
The problem was that I was drawn to Carter, because I’d started to see the good in him. I’d started to see through my own prejudice.
But if I admitted to him that he’d… I don’t know. Triggered me? Then I’d have to explain myself, eventually.
And nobody knew. Well, there was one person who suspected, but only because he’d been with me when everything got started.
I sighed and rubbed my face. Maybe I could talk to Russ. He’d been quietly helping with the workload Demi normally took on, so I hadn’t seen him much in a while now outside lunchtimes and the occasional breakfast.
We were approaching the back of the paddock, and all I had to do was to think about turning back home to make Humphrey correct the course. It still seemed like magic sometimes, even though I knew it was my body language he was reading. The unconscious way you moved your weight where you wanted to go.
That was why riding horses was so much more than just traveling passively. You could ruin a horse by how you rode it.
I grabbed onto Humphrey’s mane and clicked my tongue. He took off in a trot, and then an easy canter.
We slowed down when we saw the other horses, and I finally slid off his back when we got to them a moment later.
Mal popped out of the barn and glared at me.
“What?” I asked, confused, as I gave Humphrey all the treats I had in my pockets.
“You didn’t take a walkie-talkie.”
I grimaced. “It wasn’t exactly a conscious decision.”
