“And although each of them is bewildered by the request, they’ve agreed to honor it. You won’t be made to feel shame here.”
“Arthur,” I say on a breath. “Surely it can’t be that easy.”
“And why not? I’ve employed good people I trust. My primary concern was with Ruby, as she is new, but I don’t believe she will share our secret. And if she does, what of it? No proof will be found. Willard will not allow any unwelcome company past these doors. Ella and Bess will stand on our side because I’ve asked it of them. I’m choosing to trust Ruby will be on our side, as well. If nothing else, I trust Ella’s judgement on the matter. No one will know Charlie Kane exists, my love. He is safe here. I will see to it with everything I have.”
I pull in a shuddering inhale. “I’m frightened, Arthur.”
The admission isn’t easy, but Arthur has never once made me feel badly for shows of emotion. Nor has he ever tried to tell me I’m being foolish or dismissed me simply because I’m…because I appear to be a lady. He’s the person I trust most in this world, and I trust him with all of me. I’ll never doubt him again, not after this. Not for as long as I live.
“Why are you frightened, my dear?”
I abandon picking at the hem of my shirt to grab the fabric of Arthur’s trouser leg. He takes the hint, scooting closer, his legs outside of my own. Speaking about this isn’t easy, even as I know it must be done.
“I’m frightened that someone will find out. And of what that means for me. For us. I’m afraid I’ll allow myself this luxury to live as I’ve always wished only to be forced back into my cage. It will hurt a hundred times worse, Arthur. To spread my wings only to have them clipped.”
He lets out a slow breath, that mind of his considering all angles. It’s something I love about Arthur. His big, open mind.
“Let’s address this one at a time.” His voice is calm, and it settles me in turn. “The first matter, that someone will find out. We’ll be careful, all of us. You’ll stay inside or in the back gardens when dressed for yourself. As I’ve said, no visitors will be allowed without notice, so no one will have the opportunity to see you as such. When we go out, it will be different, but we’ll tackle those occasions as they come. I don’t feel as if the staff will talk, but if they do, money can pave many roads. We have plenty of that, my love. It will work in our favor.”
I nod, and Arthur rubs his hands up and down my legs.
“As for the second point.” He frowns slightly. “It should not be a luxury to live as yourself, Charlie. I understand why you would consider it such, and I know all of this has to be overwhelming to a large degree. But I will never, notever, force you back inside that cage. You’re free from it already, don’t you see? As archaic as it is, in the eyes of those around us, you belong to me. And I’m never handing you back. I’d rather perish than cause you injury, internal or otherwise. So if you wish to never wear a dress again, we will close our doors and become hermits.”
I let out a laugh, and Arthur smiles, looking so very pleased. “But how then would you teach?”
He shrugs. “I would further my own knowledge. Or we could learn together, if that’s an endeavor you’re interested in.”
Exhaling, I offer a small smile. “I would love to learn more of astronomy.”
“Truly?”
“Yes. My father used to sit with me, teaching me what he knew, telling me stories of the stars. Until I was too old for it. Then, he stopped.”
Arthur makes a soft, knowing sound. Ladies are not permitted to learn as gentlemen are. It’s not their place.
Or so some say.
“I’ve often thought about how my life would be different if I were born a man,” I say quietly. “I would likely be at the university right now, a telescope beneath my fingertips, pages and pages of notes spread out before me charting the position of celestial bodies moving within our sight. And to think of how much more there is out there… Stars we’ll never see. Those that have already died.”
There’s a tiny smile on Arthur’s face when I meet his eye. “May I show you something?”
I nod, and Arthur stands.
He only takes a step before stopping and looking back at me thoughtfully. “Trousers might suit.”
I laugh, getting to my feet as Arthur returns to his wardrobe. I put on the trousers he hands me, and, once dressed, he opens the door, his hand held in invitation.
It takes me a moment to move forward. I straighten my shirt, my hands drifting over the loose fabric tucked into my trousers, the fit making me all too aware of the differencesbetween my husband’s chest and my own. Arthur seems to understand I need time because he never presses me. He simply waits as I gather my nerves and step with him into the hall.
I look down both sides of it, my heart galloping, but there’s no one in sight. Even if there were, Arthur assured me I’m safe here. I believe him.
Arthur gives me a soft smile when I accept his hand, and then he leads me toward the end of the hall. He opens a door there, revealing the staircase to the third floor he told me about but we’ve yet to visit.
He makes a contemplative sound as we ascend the stairs. “I haven’t used these rooms much. Haven’t had a reason to. Although I suspect that’s changed.”
Arthur’s twinkling eyes meet mine as we come to a stop at the end of the corridor. He opens another door, the hinges creaking, and waves me on. I step tentatively forward, the room in front of me flooded with sunlight, the floor bare and dust swirling around me. My gaze is drawn upwards, and I can’t stop my gasp.
“Arthur. What is this?”
