His hand finds mine, tightening, his eyes in the glass near frantic. “You cannot be real.”
“I am to me,” I assure him. “And if you believe it to be true, then, well… I suppose I am real to you, as well.”
Charlie spins, kissing me swiftly, his nails biting into my skin. I do not mind it. I kiss him back, hitching him up into my arms, holding tight as his legs tighten around my waist. The move is far easier without the skirts.
“I love you.” He peppers me with kisses amidst his words, the onslaught most welcome. “I love you. I love you so.”
“My heart,” I say, my insides light. “I pray you never stop.”
Charlie frames my face, pulling back enough to look at me. “How do I repay you for this, Art? How could I ever?”
I let him drop slowly to the floor, although I don’t let go completely. I can see the war in his eyes, the fear that this could be taken from him. I don’t know how to soothe his worries other than through consistency and time.
“There is no debt here,” I say in seriousness, turning Charlie once more so he can see himself in the mirror. The high neckline of his shirt is quite fetching. He’ll need waistcoats, as well. A couple warm coats for when it’s colder. And trousers in his size. Boots. More shirts. A full wardrobe. “Seeing you happy is a gift you need never repay. I don’t quite think you understand, my dear. I would give all of myself, freely, if only to ensure your smile.”
His expression flickers. “But then you would be left with nothing.”
“No,” I disagree, straightening his cravat. “I would have gained quite a lot.”
Charlie’s lips press together, the look in his eyes almost reproachful except for the good humor I can so clearly see: the enjoyment he gets from these word games we play. I quite think I’ve found my match in Charlie Kane.
I give his shoulders another squeeze, our reflections staring back at us. “What do you think?”
Charlie takes a moment to look himself over. Slowly this time. A measured appraisal. “I think I’ve never felt this free. Even if I look ridiculous.”
“You do not,” I promise, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. His hands come up to hold my wrists.
“What if we have company?”
I hum, quickly mulling. “Would it pain you to put on a dress for such an occasion?”
He takes a moment to consider it. “I think it would be bearable. If I know I can return to this after.”
I kiss his cheek, pleased to hear so, even as I wish such a thing weren’t a necessity. “No unexpected visitors will be allowed. Any company, we will plan for. It’ll be a play, my love. A short one. And when they go, you and I will be free to be ourselves once more.”
“You as well?”
His tone is curious, but my answer is easy.
“Yes. It will not bring me any measure of joy to pretend you’re someone you’re not, Charlie. But I won’t risk your safety. To the outside world, nothing will have changed.”
“Even though everything has.”
I don’t refute it, knowing, to Charlie, his worldhaschanged. Drastically. And, I hope against hope, for the eternal better.
Yet I can’t help but think this world is due for much bigger. Not just within these walls, but far and wide.
I suppose change only happens because of those who press for it.
“Where have you gone?” Charlie’s question is gentle. Inquisitive.
“Not far,” I assure him. “Shall I grab us some lunch? And then perhaps we could discuss how you’d like the staff to address you going forward?”
He nods, and I give his cheek another kiss before leaving him to settle into his new normal. All the while, my mind conjures ways I can make this world a better one for the only person I’ve ever wished to share it with.
Chapter 14
Charlie
