What would I wish for when it comes to Caspian?
His voice floats into my mind.“I’m yours.”
I blow out a slow breath as I realize I have my answer.
That. I want precisely that.
When I get home, Caspian is in the office upstairs, talking on the phone. I’m grateful for his preoccupation, even as Shelly announces my arrival with several loud meows. I swoop her off the hallway table she’s perched on, shushing her gently and obeying her demand for head scratches as I bring my haul, cat included, into the kitchen.
Shelly, sensing dinner is imminent, jumps down and pads toward her food bowl. I fill it up, and then I set to work.
By the time Caspian comes down the stairs, everything is ready. I set the final touches and wait, my heart thudding.
Caspian freezes when he reaches the entrance to the kitchen, his eyes flicking first to the makeshift picnic I set up on the floor where the table used to be and then to me. “Lee, what…”
“It’s too windy outside for the candles,” I explain, watching him take everything in. The blanket spread out under plates of food and a platter of small desserts. The candles lit on the windowsill and along the countertops, creating a soft glow as the sky turns slowly dark. The table, even, pushed to the edge of the room, out of the way. “I thought about taking you out, but I realized all our best conversations happen right here. At home. And I thought…well, that’s its own kind of magic, isn’t it?”
Caspian lets out a soft breath that might be astonishment. “Do you plan to woo me, Lee?”
“If you’re open to it.”
In answer, he steps into the room, sitting on one of the pillows I set out. I quickly join him, legs crossed in front of me. Caspian looks at the candles beside us, reflections flickering in the windowpane, each a dual flame. There’s a sort of wistfulness in his expression that has me wondering what he’s seen that reminds him of this. The candlelight. Maybe even the darkened sky.
He hums lightly. “I used to live in the city.”
“Yeah?”
With a nod, his eyes return to me. “I like it here, though. Where you can see the stars. Where it’s quiet and peaceful and…kind. People are so kind these days. Not all that long ago, it would have been illegal. You and me.”
My heart nearly cracks down the middle. “It shouldn’t have ever been like that.”
“No. It shouldn’t have.” He’s quiet for a moment, his fingers toying with the edge of his plate. “I know some people think it’s fear or necessity that’s pushed us as a society. Why we’ve advanced. Why we’re launching into space, creating a safety net for human life to flourish. I don’t think that’s it.”
“No?” I ask, unable to look away from the gentle planes of Caspian’s face. His eyes glimmer in the candlelight, fire amongst sky. “What do you think the reason is?”
His smile is soft. Pained, almost. “Love.”
That takes me by surprise. “Not biology? Our drive to procreate? To survive?”
He shakes his head, a slow movement. “It’s all intertwined in a way, but no. We’re not leaving simply to survive. We don’t explore the vastness of space because we’re scared of what’s out there. Or scared of what will happen if we stay on a dying planet. A person doesn’t fear the end. They fear losing what they’ve gained. They fear loss. And the greatest loss, the thing we hold most dear and what drives our passion, our thirst for knowledge, the bonds we forge along the way…is love. It’s the universal language. It transcends space and time and every barrier put in front of it. Even light gets swallowed by the gravity of a black hole. But love? Love is the reason we seek to see beyond it.”
My swallow is more than a little rough, the ache in my chest familiar now where this man is concerned. “What do they call that? There’s a name for it, is there not?”
“The event horizon.”
I nod, trying to find my breath. “I won’t claim to understand what it could mean, seeing beyond that point. But…”
Caspian looks concerned by whatever he hears in my voice or sees on my face. “But what?”
My smile for him is meant to reassure, but it feels brittle at the edges. Not because I don’t mean it. But simply because I’m trying to find my footing again after having what feels like my entire world tugged out from under me.
“But if that’s how you feel about love,” I finally manage, “then I count myself lucky to be the person you were searching for.”
Understanding lights in his eyes, and he draws in a breath, moisture pooling that he rapidly blinks away.
“I told you I believe you,” I remind him.
He nods.
