“Yes! We take a horse and leave right now. We’ll go west, to the coast, board a ship or something,” he blurted out, almost frantic. “The world is a big place, Isa. You don’t need to continue hurtling towards danger for the benefit of others.”
She stepped backwards out of his embrace, wrapping her arms around herself. He wondered if she was suddenly cold, too.
“How can you suggest that? When you are always the first to run headlong into things?” She looked at him incredulously, shaking her head. “I can’t do that. I have to go to the Nexus.”
“Why? Surely you don’t believe this mage actually cares what happens to you? That whatever they are planning will help you?”
“It’s not about the mages. Ihaveto go. There is something I must do there. Something important.” She looked away from him. “And my father is travelling north, too. Not everyone is against me.”
The words forced themselves out before he could do anything about it. “Isa. Your father told me tokill youif you can’t be ‘cured’.”
Why did you say that? You didn’t need to say that.
Everything fell silent, as if all the air had been sucked out of the world. The blood drained from Isolde’s face, and she took a staggering step backwards.
“I don’t believe you.”
She continued backing away from him. He followed, reaching out to her again, drowning in regret but unable to take any of it back now.
“He did. Before we left, on the dock. He told me there is no future for you if there is no cure.”
Isolde stared at him, her expression raw and vulnerable. “He wouldn’t! You’re making this up to make me come with you! I can’t believe you would say something like that!” She whirled away from him in a flurry of sparks.
Felix started after her, reaching out to grab her arm. “Isa. I just want –”
I just want to keep you safe, because I don’t know what to do without you anymore.
She spun back around, her eyes glowing blue. Magic danced and leapt in erratic patterns. When he merely looked at her helplessly, her entire face hardened. “Go away, Felix, or I will make you.”
He held her gaze for a heartbeat longer, his hands shaking at his sides. Then he turned and left.
25
The source
Everything that had felt so right to Isolde just minutes before was now wrong, twisted, ugly. Felix’s words echoed relentlessly in her mind, alongside the memory of his arms around her and his lips on hers. Why would he do that? Why would he tell her that, atthismoment?
Could it be true at all? Her father would never think like that, surely. She was his heir; she was to carry on the family name. But as she was now, she could not carry on anything. A leytouched woman could not bear legitimate children to continue a noble bloodline; nobody would accept such a thing. Would he have already considered that? If her powers could not be stripped, was she too broken, too damaged, too useless to be allowed to live?
Deep down, not in her heart but in her gut, a small but insistent voice told her it was true. That Felix would not lie about something like this, not to her. It didn’t make her feel any better.
She buried her face in Shadow’s mane again, unable to suppress the choked sob that fought its way out, or the hot tears spilling over her cheeks. The horse pushed its head against her shoulder, letting out a quiet snort.
For one perfect moment she had thought none of it mattered, that she could be something other than the cursed girl hurtling towards inevitable doom. That she could have something that was just for her, because shewantedit. Now she was more alone than she had ever been.
Her magic rose and fell inside and around her, as chaotic and volatile as her emotions. Felix had asked her to run away with him. The raw emotion on his face was something she had never seen there before, and part of her, a much larger part than she would admit, wanted to run after him. To flee back into his arms and tell him yes, she would go with him. Yes, let’s take a ship; let’s sail far, far away. Let’s burn all the bridges and abandon the cause. Get lost in each other and chase that elusive thing called freedom together. See the world and follow the stars and forget about everything else.
But that was not what was right. She could not live on the run, always looking over her shoulder, never able to trust anyone. And even if she did not knowwhyexactly, she was beyond all doubt that she had to reach the Nexus. She had known it ever since they crossed that first ley line. She did not want to spend her life hiding, abandoning something so much greater than herself. It would not be real freedom, because there would be no meaning to it.
Isolde stared long and hard into the darkness, until she managed to stuff all her heartache into a box and replaced it with hardened determination. Her tears dried up, her breathing steadied, and the surge of magic receded to its quiet current. Even if everything else went up in flames, even if the entire world was against her, she had a goal. She would get to the Nexus, and she would do whatever it was she was called there to do. She would master her magic, and she would find her answers. Felix could leave if he wanted to. It would shatter her heart into a million pieces if he did, but it was his decision to make. Until he made it, she would expect nothing from him.
***
The next morning, Isolde did her best to pretend things were normal. She forced some small talk, helped break up the camp and even played with Leif’s puppy for a little while, which made her smile despite everything. As for Felix, she avoided him as much as possible, because she was at a loss for what else to do.
With the group now several horses short, they briefly discussed the option of riding double. With the uneven terrain and the distance ahead, however, it was soon decided they would simply take turns walking.
Mia’s presence was equal parts intimidating and intriguing. The bard was unapologetically beautiful and confident, talked to everyone as if she’d known them for years, and inserted herself into the group as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Luella treated her much as she treated Felix, with a sort of amused irritation. Leif was clearly smitten, although Isolde wasn’t sure if that was because of Mia’s beauty or just because he’d never met someone like her before. Garren mostly ignored the bard and her charms, which seemed to delight Mia to no end.
