“How are you feeling?” Felix asked as he sat down.
Leif huffed and shook his head. “Yesterday I was sure I was gone. I saw the light and everything. Thenboom,I’m not dead, and now I have to actually think about things.”
“What things?”
“My blood debt, and the fight, mostly…” He trailed off, his eyes downcast.
Felix leaned back against the bench, watching him carefully. “What about the fight?”
Leif hesitated, then glanced sideways. “You’ll laugh at me.”
“Try me.”
“I…” Leif’s hands fidgeted with the leather strap on his lap. “I killed someone. And it was so easy.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “Easier than a boar.”
Felix nodded slowly, giving him space to continue.
“I didn’t even hesitate,” Leif continued, his words tumbling out. “They came at me, and it just… happened.”
Felix nodded again. “And now you feel a weird mixture of nausea, guilt, and pride, and you don’t know what to do about it?”
“I… yes.” Leif glanced sideways at Felix again. “Is it like that for everyone? Was it like that for you?”
The memory flooded his mind; the blood everywhere, the roaring crowd, the slippery blade in his hands. His mad dash into the fighter’s quarters to find a quiet place to throw up.
“Something similar, sure. It was a long time ago.” Fifteen years, give or take. He wished he remembered the other boy’s name, but he didn’t. He could only see his face, empty eyes looking up at the sky. “Eventually, it gets easier to live with.”
Leif’s brows furrowed. “Does it ever go away?”
Felix shook his head. “No. But you learn to make peace with it at some point. Failing that, there’s always drink.”
Leif let out a shaky breath, then laughed weakly. “I thought you were going to tell me to suck it up.”
Felix smiled faintly. “Not this time.”
They sat in silence for a moment. “Look, Leif,” Felix said eventually. “I should not have dragged you into that; I feel like an ass. If Isolde hadn’t… done what she did…”
“She did, though,” Leif said, with an almost reverent tone in his voice. “Just look – it’s barely a scratch now!” He lifted his shirt, revealing a shallow gash, well on the mend, as if it had been tended to by an expert healer for many weeks.
“Regardless,” Felix continued, “I had no right to drag you into that fight.”
Leif waved his apology away. “You didn’t force me; I did my part to keep my village safe. I’m not a coward.”
“I never said you were.”
They were quiet again for a while.
“What was that about a blood debt?” Felix asked, remembering Leif’s earlier comment.
“When someone saves your life, you owe them a blood debt,” Leif said simply. “It means you serve them and do anything they ask of you until they release you from the bond.”
“Huh,” Felix said. “I doubt Isolde will hold you to that. She’ll probably release you right away.”
“She can’t!” Leif replied, his face aghast. “That would be dishonourable!”
Felix shrugged. “Well, it’s her decision, right? So talk to her. Not now, though,” he added, remembering their earlier conversation with a wide grin. “She’s still a bit out of it.”
***
