"Soon," Sloane promised. "So, are you guys good to continue?"
"There is something I need to see," Xyrek said, "then we'll be off again."
"Xyrek, don't," my voice was choked. I knew where he was going.
"I have to," he replied.
I wanted to reach out and hold him. I wanted to be with him when he arrived at that place. A small sob escaped me. Hannah embraced me. "Where is he going?"
"To where I used to work, to where… we died," I answered.
XYREK
I realizedthat this was hard for Alice to watch. Frygg, it was hard for me, but I had to go. I needed to see the place where she and I had taken our last breaths. I didn't care how frygging eerie it would be.
The others followed me a few respectful paces behind. Now and then, I noticed Zaarek stop, look at something, and mutter under his breath, but I was too wrapped up in my own misery to care. This was the way I had gone to see Allisaahn. The last time I hadn't walked this way, though, I had barely been able to crawl forward while a droning hum had been trying to push me down. The air pressure had been so high that it was hard to breathe, but I’d managed to make my way to Allisaahn's workshop.
I stopped.
It was right here.
The door was still attached to its metallic hinges. They were rusted, but it opened with a squeak of protest. The place was filled with dust, and a dart rushed past me, startled, but I hardly noticed. My eyes made a quick sweep of her worktable, which had fallen to the ground, slowly disintegrating. Tools, in just as bad a shape as the door, lay scattered on the ground and what was left of the workbench. Shelves had fallen from the walls or simply given in under the weight of their contents after the wood had warped and thinned. None of that touched me, though. Those were just things.
Tentatively, I walked to the spot where she and I had died. She had already been dead when I found her. The emotions of that moment threatened to choke me as if it had just happened and not… however many years ago. My heart constricted, as did my throat, making breathing hard around the thick lump that had formed inside. I knelt down on the ground. Actually, it was closer to a collapse than a controlled kneel, but I made it back down to the same spot. The spot where my heart had stopped beating and I took my last breath. Where I held my Allisaahn in my arms so long ago, there was now, but dust covering the stone floor. Had I not known that Alice was watching me, that she was only a quick ride up away from me, I would have died here for a second time, right here on the same spot. The grief of those moments hit me hard. Allisaahn. My Allisaahn!
I didn't want to touch the dust, knowing it was all that remained of her and me, but something glinted from a sudden ray of light, and I reached out. Reverently, I blew the dust off the object and picked it up. My heart felt as if it was tearing in two. No, into thousands of tiny fragments. It was being ripped apart from the inside out when I held the small bracelet up. It was forged from a yellow metal, something we called aurhym. It was highly revered as a metal to bring us closer to the gods. It was useless to do anything with but turn into pretty objects, like jewelry, a bowl, a vase, or something like that. It was too soft to use for weapons.
I’d dug the gold nugget out of the Borrog Mountains myself and melted it in the same workshop Allisaahn liked to spend so much time in. I poured all my love into it as I worked the metal for hours, forged it into a bracelet, engraved her name, and “Love you into Eternity, Xyrek.”Allisaahn loved it. She had never taken it off.
She wore it the day she died. This was all that was left of her now. I brought it to my lips to kiss it, but it was nothing but cold metal. No spark of my Allisaahn’s energy was left in it. Her infectious laughter, the abundance with which she loved me and life—nothing but dust. I closed my eyes and saw her beautiful face dancing in front of me, smiling, teasing, calling my name. Just the way Alice did. Alice! I clung to her presence even though she wasn’t right here with me now. It was all that kept me taking in another breath and then another, all that kept me from willing my heart to stop.
Allisaahn was still with me, just like she had always been through every lifetime. She had always been my rock. Then and now. Ever so slowly, the pain in my chest receded; it didn’t go away—I knew without a doubt that it wouldn’t go away until I held Alice in my arms— but it became bearable.
Suddenly, I remembered something else. Allisaahn had made me forge a bracelet for myself. A larger one. One she engraved with the same words,Love you into Eternity, Allisaahn.I wore it when I died. It had to be here.
But where was it?
I swiped at the dust, carefully aware of its origin, but as much as I searched, there was nothing. I had worn a belt that day, with a metal ring and a sword, too. Those things should still be here.
"What are you looking for?" Zaarek asked.
"Do you remember the matching gold bands Allisaahn and I wore?"
"How could I not? Noevah gave me hell until… I made a pair for us, too," Zaarek replied, looking far away.
"Where were you?"
"I was in Ax," he said, looking at Tharaax.
"That's why I remembered seeing you." Tharaax nodded.
"We were both primarchs," Zaarek answered. "Our bands must be there in the forest somewhere."
"Mine should be here," I reiterated.
"Alright, move." Noodar pulled out a broom and a dustbin that had seen better days but were still in working condition. Reverently, he began swiping at the dust on the floor, sending apologetic glances at me, which I returned with a grim nod. It had to be done, and I wouldn't have been able to do it.
It didn't take long. There was part of a shoe left, Allisaahn's. But that was it.
