It’s the type that ruins a girl for all the ones that follow. Other men’s kisses. Kisses that don’t belong to my best friend, the man I’m in love with.
We keep going, as if afraid to stop. Once our mouths separate, there likely won’t be another kiss between us. Another chance for more of whatever this is to flourish.
For the first time in weeks, with Garrett’s lips on mine, I feel like for now I’m on solid ground. I’m not walking across a frozen lake, unsure when and if the ice will crack under my weight. Leaving me stranded, unable to get to shore.
I hook my arms around Garrett’s neck, the pain in my shoulders giving me a moment of peace. I don’t let my brain analyze what the kiss means. I just enjoy it for as long as I can.
But eventually, I loosen my hold on him and step away, ending the kiss, fighting to regain my senses. Because.Well…I…wow. Um. Wow.
Garrett looks at me like I’m a math problem he’s trying to solve, except math was never his strong suit.
It was mine—and even I can’t figure out what just happened and what it all means.
“I needed that.” Garrett’s voice is an awed whisper. His warm brown eyes remain locked on mine.
“Me too.” My voice is not much louder, my pulse thundering in my ears, waiting for his next words, his next decision. Waiting to see if he plans to slice me across the heart, to leave me to bleed out.
“So,” he drawls, as if he’s as lost as I am. I want to kiss him again, to feel his lips on mine, to prove to myself I didn’t dream what just happened. But that wouldn’t be a good idea.
Not until we have talked.
“So,” I say, echoing Garrett’s unspoken question.
He returns to pacing, telling me without words he needs to think.
I make myself comfy on the couch, legs curled to the side, and I watch him figure things out for himself. I’m clearly not the only one whose thoughts are a tangled mess over what just happened. But I also get the sense the kiss isn’t all that has him conflicted.
“How’s Peony doing?” I ask after a long, agonizing beat.
That question is all it takes to get him to stop pacing, and he drops down next to me. The exhaustion in his eyes vanishes, replaced with a spark of excitement. “She let me read her favorite book to her before bedtime.” The grin that curves across his face is so bright, it would have brought me to my knees if I weren’t already sitting.
“That’s great. So things are getting better between you two?”
His grin and the spark in his eyes falter, clinging to a fraction of their previous brightness. “Because of my deadline, it’s been hard to spend as much time with her as I should. But we’re slowly getting there.” He turns his gaze to the ceiling, his neck resting on the back of my couch. “And I’m currently looking for a therapist for her. She gets nightmares.” Heartbreak for his daughter furrows his brow, pulls down on the corners of his mouth. “She had one before I came here.”
His reason for being in my apartment now makes sense. He’s so stressed out at whatever his daughter is going through, he needed a distraction. No matter how small it might be.
A dopamine rush. That’s what the kiss was about. Nothing more.
“A what?” Garrett asks, eyebrows lifting, his gaze back on me.
Oh, shit.Please tell me I didn’t say that out loud.“Huh?” I reply, playing innocent.
“You said something. What was it?” He gives me the look that warns me he won’t let it go until I tell him.
I could lie, but he and I don’t lie to each other—other than the part about how I’m in love with him.
“Our…our kisses. They’re a dopamine rush. A stress reliever.”
He huffs a sound that says he’s never thought of it that way until now. “I could sure use the stress relief with everything going on.”
That makes two of us.
“So maybe…um…maybe that’s what you need. To kiss. More often.” I mentally kick myself at the suggestion.Way to go on telling him to kiss other women.
He slowly nods, as if contemplating my idiotic comment. “Except I’m not interested in dating anyone. I have a daughter to think about now. The last thing I need is to get messed up in a relationship.” A raw emotion crosses his expression, but it’s gone before I can further dissect it.
“I know what you mean. I’ve got enough going on without worrying about a relationship too.” Especially after what happened with Joseph. And the last thing I want is to end up with another jerk like him, who thinks chronic pain is all in the head.
