I chuckle, my fingers continuing to stroke the curve of Jess’s spine. “Good idea. They tend to make life more challenging.” I glance around the space. “When did you find this place? I had no idea it even existed.”
“While I was clearing out the magazines in the closet. The bookshelf hadn’t been pushed in all the way. Otherwise, I would never have found this room.”
“Ten-year-old-pirate me wants to know if there is any buried treasure in here. Or hidden maps leading us to a giant pot of gold.”
Jess laughs harder this time. “I think that would be a leprechaun.” She says it with a badly faked Irish accent, and I laugh with her. Christ, I love this woman.
She looks up at me, and a grin curves her lips. Her damp lashes sparkle in the glow from the flashlight. “Sorry, no buried treasure or maps.” The smile fades away. “I put the blankets and pillows in here after Violet left her husband.”
“Violet and Sophie stayed in here?” I glance around the space once more, seeing it with new eyes. It’s the perfect place for kids to hide in when they’re playing, but it’s small for an adult to have to stay in for long.
“A few times. Whenever the cops came to the door. The day her husband beat me, I was praying Violet would hear him and she and Sophie would hide in here so he couldn’t find them.”
Shit.“He might’ve killed you if she had done that and not tried to stop him.”
“It was a risk I was willing to take.” She lays her head back on my chest. “For Violet’s and Sophie’s sake.” Her voice cracks on Sophie’s name.
I hold her a little tighter, thankful things hadn’t gone the way she’d planned. “Is there any particular reason you’re in here crying?” I know she misses Violet, but I doubt that’s why she’s hidden away.
Jess draws in a long breath and releases it. “Craig, my brother-in-law, phoned.”
Her muscles tighten under my fingers, and I silently curse him. Whatever he told her couldn’t have been good.
“He and Grace decided it’s not a good idea for me to be part of Amelia’s life. Because…because of his dark past with his brothers.” An intense tremor takes Jess’s body hostage. Dampness seeps through my T-shirt, the spot growing larger and wetter.
Dammit.How could they do that to her?
“What kind of dark past?”
“He never went into the details, but it was enough for him to leave his family and never look back. I know his brothers bullied him, which is why he believed me when I told the police my husband was abusive. They had a hard time believing it—because of his stellar record as a cop—but Craig believed me.”
I don’t know how to respond. The Marines prepared me for many things, but not this. Not for dealing with a woman whose heart has been broken so many times. I’m not sure how to permanently weld it together again.
Or if that’s even possible.
Everything she’s been working toward was based on her having that happily ever after with her daughter in her life. But now what? How can she move on from this?
“I came in here,” Jess says, “because I needed a place to go where the protesters and media couldn’t hear me scream.”
“Maybe we can find a family lawyer and see what they can do for you?”
“I can’t do that. I gave up my daughter so she could have a better life. What kind of better life will it be if I get lawyers involved? And what good will that do? Grace and Craig don’t owe me anything.”
“Sure they do.” I stroke the curve of her hip. “They owe you for giving them the daughter they love. They owe you for giving up the daughteryoulove because you put her first. Even now, you’re putting your daughter’s happiness over your own.”
“It doesn’t matter. Amelia’s happiness and safety will always come first for me, no matter how much it breaks my heart to lose her.”
I close my eyes against the pain of knowing what all of this means. Jess had already said she didn’t want kids because she was worried she might lose them. This—what happened tonight—will only make things worse. She put herself out there. She reached out—only to have her heart crushed to pieces. Now, I know for sure that Jess will be so scared of going through this again, of losing her daughter, she won’t want to risk any more heartbreak.
Thousands of parents each year lose their children to accidents, stillbirths, diseases, and violence outside of the home. Their grief is real, yet many of them go on to have more kids—whether naturally or through adoption.
Lucas and Simone have been seeing a grief counselor to help them deal with the loss of their baby from ten years ago. But what about Jess? Will she ever be able to move on and open her heart to anyone else, knowing her daughter is out there somewhere, but she can never see her or hold her?
Or maybe that’s just the excuse I’m clinging to, an easy explanation. There’s still the possibility she fears she will end up in the same situation she found herself in with her late husband. She doesn’t trust me enough to know I’ll never be that asshole. Maybe she’ll never be able to trust in the way she needs to for her to love me the way I love her.
Perhaps Robyn will know what to do, but she’s away on summer vacation for a few more weeks.
I hate this. I hate how the callousness of one man has wrecked her so I’ll never fully have her the way I want her.
