I fill my lungs again with the soothing pine scent and push past the pain of using the name that isn’t the one I gave my baby.
I understand your fear of letting me into her life. I would feel the same way if our places were reversed. You never had the opportunity to get to know me. To see me as someone not linked to your brother. You made your decision based on your painful past, and maybe due to what you heard from other people. People who don’t necessarily know me. People who don’t care to know me.
Craig told me his decision to exclude me from Amelia’s life was because I was a reminder of the bullying he’d endured as a kid, but I know it’s more than just that. How can the decision not be impacted by everything that has been going on lately with regard to my past?
You believed I was a victim in my marriage with Wayne, and I thank you for acknowledging that. And thank you for taking Lia in when there was nowhere else for her to go, other than the foster care system or with your brother Lincoln. You have given her a wonderful life and a chance for a wonderful future. You gave her something I couldn’t. You have given her a home filled with love and happiness. I never want to take that away from you or Lia.
All I wanted was to be part of her life, as a family friend or her aunt. I guess in a way that’s what I am—Lia’s aunt. I would have loved to be that aunt I never had but dreamed of growing up. I would have been the best aunt ever to your daughter.
Thank you for all you have given me. Without your kindness, I would never have had the chance to start my life over. Granted, I’m still looking for that new start after the truth about my past was laid naked for all to dissect. I hope one day I’ll get to experience the love and happiness you two have found together.
I wish you all the best for the future.
Sincerely,
Jessica
I put the letter in an envelope and write their address on the front. This is my first step in moving on and letting go of my daughter. I seal the envelope and stare at it for a moment through the tears that wet my face.
I let the tears steal some of the pain in my chest. It’s not enough to help me breathe again. Only one person can do that, and I pushed him away.
I put a stamp on the envelope and walk Bailey to the nearest mailbox before I can change my mind about the letter and rip it up. I push the envelope through the slot.
It drops to the bottom with a softthud.
* * *
The doorbell rings,and my heartbeat stutters. I stop flipping through the photos on my phone of Troy and of Troy and Nova together—something I’ve done a lot of during the past three weeks—and answer the door, already knowing who’s on the other side.
Anne and her husband, Dan, step into the house. “I almost don’t recognize the place,” he says, smiling approvingly.
Dan hasn’t been here since I moved to Maple Ridge. The house has come a long way from the time it was overfilled with magazines and everything looked dated. The magazines with articles about World War II and D-Day had been an important part of my research for Angelique’s story, but they didn’t help me as much as the journals that now sit on the coffee table. The rest of the things I found in the secret room are in the box next to the journals.
Anne hugs me, her arms warm and welcoming and just what I need today. The day of the festival that I can’t attend. “I love the new look,” she tells me. “Your hair looks so pretty like that.”
I grin for the first time since acknowledging to myself this morning just how hard the day will be for me. I don’t even have Angelique’s story to get lost in. The finished manuscript is sitting on the coffee table with everything else. “Thank you. Did you want a tour of the house first?” I ask.
Anne’s eyebrows disappear under her bangs. “First? There’s something else you want to talk about?”
I nod. It’s time she finally learns the truth about Iris’s relationship to her, and what a truly amazing woman she was.
I show them around the house. There are lots of “Oohs” and “I love this” and “Auntie Iris would have adored that.”
We walk into the room that has given me so much solace, in part due to the secrets I discovered behind the wall.
“I bet Mom would’ve loved the window seat.” Anne runs her hand over the cushions and the bookshelves, and her gaze roams over the newly decorated room with sage-colored walls. “It’s so beautiful.”
“There’s something else I want to show you.” I lead them into the closet, turn on the light, and kneel in front of the bookshelf.
I pull it away from the wall, revealing the hiding place and turn to them. “Did you know about this?” Based on her wide-eyed expression, that would be a no.
She drops to her knees next to me and peers into the space. “Holy, shit!”
I press my lips together to smother a laugh. “I take it you didn’t know.”
“I didn’t. I don’t think Mom knew about it either. If she did, she never let on.”
I’m pretty sure her mother didn’t know; otherwise, Anne would already know what I’m about to soon show her. “I found the space while I was clearing out the magazines that were in here. That wasn’t the only thing I found behind the bookshelf. And that’s the real reason I asked you to come over today.”
