I’m on a roll. My anger from when she dumped me last time never fully burned away after we got back together. “And as for your daughter,yougave her away to her uncle and aunt.”
A small gasp escapes Jess, sharp and pained, but the fire in her eyes doesn’t diminish. “She deserved to have a life filled with love and the advantages I couldn’t give her. Especially not when I was locked away.”
“I’m not blaming you for that,” I say, the heat in my tone not cooling any. “That was the right call at the time. But the guilt you’re feeling from that…the hurt you’re feeling because you’ve been pushed out of her life is making you scared of ever loving anyone again.”
“That’s not true!” But even as Jess says it, I can tell from the slight widening of her eyes that’s exactly what she thinks. It’s why she keeps pushing me away…even last time, when she used Violet and Sophie as her excuse.
“It is true, and you know it. Tell me, Jess. Before, you said you weren’t sure if you could ever have kids—is that really true? Do you plan to ever have a family? If I wanted to marry you one day, would you want to have another daughter or a son?”
She flinches and looks away.
“That’s what I thought. It’s not that you don’t want a family. It’s that you’re too scared to take a chance again with one.” I slap my hand on the front doorjamb. Jess startles.
Pain radiates through my palm.Dammit. I can’t do this anymore. “I’m done, Jess. I love you. I’ve told you that so many times, and I’ve shown you how much I love you. But I’ve had enough…had enough of trying to prove my feelings to you when it’s clearly not something you want to hear.”
And with the reality of trauma bond and her relationship with her ex, I have no idea how to navigate that land mine. I’m not even sure it’s possible.
I reverse a step. “Butterscotch, come. I’ll drop you off with Lucas and Simone.”
Jess steps forward. “Troy—” Her voice is soft.
“Forget it, Jess.”
“I was just going to say I’m sorry. I really am.” She isn’t saying she’s having second thoughts about pushing me away. She’s just sorry she’s dumping this on me at the worst possible time. “And I’ll go back to work tomorrow…at the office. You’ll need someone to keep an eye on things while you’re away…unless…unless you want to fire me.”
Her voice splinters, but it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. It’s not the loss of her job she’s worried about. It’s how connected all the parts of her new life are to me. Like it was with her marriage. The only difference is that asshole didn’t want her to have a job. He wanted her to be completely dependent on him.
“You can’t go back to the office,” I tell her. “We don’t know who left those threatening notes.”
“A note can’t hurt me.”
“Even if that’s true, you can’t go back to work.”
The frown lines on her face deepen, and icy-hot emotions spark in her eyes. “Why not? Are you saying you don’t want me back ’cause I’m no longer sleeping with you?”
“No. I can’t afford to lose any more clients due to people accusing me of hiring an ex-con.”
The moment the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. I haven’t told her more clients have been canceling. I’d kept that a secret, not wanting to hurt her.
She stares at me, her mouth slack in stunned shock. “Okay, then.” Her words are spoken so softly, I barely hear them over thethrum-thrum-thrummingpulse in my ears. “Consider this my resignation.”
She withdraws into the house and shuts the door quietly in my face, but it feels like my insides have imploded.
Even if I wanted to, I don’t have time to deal with the fallout from our fight.
I need to drop Butterscotch off at Lucas’s house and drive to LA.
54
JESSICA
September, Present Day
Maple Ridge
I shutthe front door and close my eyes against the pain clamped around my heart.
“I can’t afford to lose any more clients due to people accusing me of hiring an ex-con.”
