The airplane taxis the length of the field, and it feels like a lifetime ago when I was last on a plane. So much has changed since I parachuted into France almost two years ago and prayed nothing would go wrong with my landing. When I prayed I would survive my mission and not fall into the hands of the Nazis.
During those early days, I hadn’t given any thought to anything beyond surviving and doing my job. I hadn’t thought about my sister and everything I’d left behind in England.
In time, I came to forgive her for falling in love with my fiancé and marrying him. Talking to Johann about her had helped, and risking my life for my country put things in perspective.
Johann never got to see Anja after she and their mother escaped their home in Austria. I won’t waste the second chance I have been given with my sister.
“Are you ready to meet your Auntie Hazel and Uncle Charles?” I whisper to the sleeping bundle in my arms, the loud hum of the engine obscuring my voice.
52
JESSICA
September, Present Day
Maple Ridge
As soon asBailey and I step outside my back door, the question I’ve been dying to ask Troy since I called him earlier tumbles out. “How did it go with Pushing Limits?”
He smiles, but even before he can tell me, I already have my answer. That’s not the smile of someone who recently received great news. “It was a good idea…but, unfortunately, the logistics weren’t feasible. Mason and his family don’t live in the same city as the band, so they can’t practice together for the festival.”
I hug Troy, pouring all the love I feel for him into it, my head on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I was hoping they would be able to make it work.”
He tightens his arms around me. It feels so right, so good. His strong muscles pressed against my body feel so good, like a taste of heaven.
“Me too.” Troy’s warm breath kisses my cheek. “George and Susan are figuring out how best to go about it, but we’ll have to make the announcement soon about the band canceling. We’re not looking forward to that. It’s gonna cause us all kinds of problems.”
I lock the back door. Troy links his fingers with mine, and the three of us walk to his truck, where Butterscotch is waiting in the front passenger seat.
Troy drives me to the Veterans Center and walks me to Robyn’s office for my first appointment since she returned from her vacation. He gives me a quick kiss good-bye. “I’ll see you soon.”
He leaves, and I take a seat in the waiting area. I’m a few minutes early.
“Hi, Jess,” Robyn says from the doorway of her office as I skim through myfeel-goodphotos on my phone. She’s wearing her standard green Army uniform.
I rise to my feet and join her in her office. I take my usual place on the couch.
Robyn sits in her desk chair, which is swiveled to face me. “How have you been doing? A lot has happened since I last saw you.”
I assume she means the protesters and reporters. She doesn’t know yet about my last conversation with Craig. “Do you mean how’s it going beyond me being frustrated and angry at what’s been happening because my previous name was leaked?”
“All of it. The frustration and anger and any other emotions you’ve been feeling.” Robyn wears her usual compassionate expression, her smile a slight tilt of encouragement.
I don’t say anything for a moment, rallying up all my thoughts and feelings. “I’m tired. Tired of being judged by people who don’t know me. I’m tired of the wrongful and hurtful assumptions.” I could write a novel about those alone.
“What assumptions are people making?” She leans forward in her chair, her legs crossed.
“That I’m dangerous. That their children need protecting from me. That if my husband really abused me, I could have walked away.”
Robyn makes a soft sound of acknowledgment. “The last point is one many survivors of abuse hear from people who don’t know better. This is where awareness of the misconceptions surrounding abuse is critical. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with all of that, Jess.”
She straightens in her seat. “Do you believe there’s any truth to the words people are saying to you?”
“I know I’m not dangerous. I’m scarred because I didn’t defend myself in prison.” Even back then, I’d tried to disappear into my surroundings like a chameleon. I hadn’t wanted to get into trouble and risk my sentence being extended. Troy told me Garrett had his FBI contact look into what happened to me while I was in Beckley. And I still have no answers as to why I was targeted during my stay there. No clues. No confessions. No convictions of the guilty parties.
“How do you view yourself after everything you’ve been through?” Robyn asks. “And that includes what happened with Violet and her daughter.”
I rub my palms on my shorts to give my hands something to do. “I’m stronger. Braver. But also scared. Alone. And…and ashamed.”
