“That’s my baby?” I asked once she had stopped moving the device at what sounded like a small pantingpuppy.
“Yes, it is.” Dr. Sinclair put the instrument away and wiped the gel from my stomach with a wad oftissues.
I really was having a baby. A pooping, crying, keep-you-up-all-night baby. A baby who would change myworld.
The tears? Totally yourimagination.
I blinked themaway.
But for the first time since Erin suggested I might be pregnant, I no longer wanted to hide in an ocean ofdenial.
“I hope you don’t take it the wrong way, Holly, but do you know who the fatheris?”
I nodded.Shit.What was I going to tellJosh?
Or maybe I didn’t have to tell himanything.
Yes, because he’ll never notice you’repregnant.
Although given we hadn’t seen each other since returning from Australia, there was a good chance he would neverknow.
Unless Kelsey toldTrent.
And Trent toldJosh.
Maybe I could bribe them to not say anything to him. I could bake them cookies. Who didn’t likecookies?
But he has the right to know, the know-it-all voice pointedout.
Sure, he had the right to know, but that didn’t mean he wanted to know. By not telling him, I was doing him afavor.
The voice cackled.Yeah, you keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep atnight.
“It’s not my place to tell you what to do, but I do recommend telling the father,” Dr. Sinclair said as if privy to the debate in myhead.
After giving me samples of prenatal vitamins, a bunch of instructions on being pregnant, and follow up appointments for a physical and an ultrasound, I was sent on my merryway.
As I entered the busy waiting room, a nurse called the next patient’s name. A pregnant woman pushed herself up from her chair. The man with her smiled at her like she was his world. It was the same smile that she wore on herface.
My heart sighed aWouldn’t-that-be-wonderful?sigh, while my hand settled on my stomach as if to block the baby’s view. He or she didn’t need to see what they were missing outon.
Oh, wait, could babies even see yet? What about hear? Ask me how to calculate derivatives for a company and I could show you. But I couldn’t tell you anything about having ababy.
Ignoring the pregnant couples in the room, I left to go on my first post-denial mission—to hit the bookstore. Once there, I wandered up and down the aisles, searching for what Ineeded.
At one point, I stumbled across the baby section, with onesies, baby blankets, and stuffed animals. Not quite what I was lookingfor.
A small floppy bear on the shelf caught my attention. It wasn’t a koala, but it was still adorable. It was the perfect present for the baby—to show him or her how much they were loved from the very beginning. I might’ve had no idea what I was doing when it came to being a mother, but I did know that much about thisbaby.
Taking the bear with me, I continued searching for the section I sorely needed. I eventually found it—and my eyes almost popped out of my head at the sheer number of books dealing with the topic of pregnancy and babies.Oh,boy.
Not knowing where to start or what was good, I randomly pulled out a book.What To Expect When You Are Expecting. Wasn’t that amovie?
I mentally added it to my list of movies to watch. Maybe it would behelpful.
Ornot.
I found a few more books that looked interesting. Books about being pregnant and books about raising a healthy baby. If I was going to do this, I would do itright.
