Alex giggled in confusion. The sound helped unbuckle some of the tension strapped to my shoulders. “Please don’t make me laugh. I hurts too much. Why are you in a closet?”
“I’m scared,” I said. Saying the words hadn’t alleviated me from the burdensome feeling. Wasn’t admitting something supposed to take away its power? “I’m scared,” I repeated.
Hetsked, then sighed. “Oh, honey.” The way he spoke, so concerned. I could hear him thinking that he wanted to be next to me. “I know you are. It’s a scary thing you’re about to do. But you have so much courage. You’re one of the bravest people I know for doing this. Of course you’re scared. Anyone would be.”
My lip trembled. I cleared my throat and clamped down onthatsilly emotion.
“Wish you were here.”
“I do, too. But you need to do this. I’ll call you afterward, and I wish I could be there for you but this is somethingyouneed to do. Is Emma there?”
“Yeah. She’s warming up the room, I guess.” I pulled off my cap and ran my hand through my hair. “You’re watching, right?”
“I am,” he said. “They’re showing the anchors right now but they’re ready to cutaway to the conference at any moment. As soon as you get there.”
I breathed out heavily through my nostrils. “I’mreallyscared, Alex.”
He sighed into the phone. I could picture him. On our couch swallowed by cushions, bandaged and bruised, eyes closed, pressing his face into the phone like it was my chest. “Were youscared during your first major league game?”
“Yes. Thought I would vibrate out of my uniform. Went to the bathroom half a dozen times before first pitch.”
A slight giggle, then a croak of pain. “Stop that. How did you deal with the fear?”
“I… I guess I just…” What did I do? The game had been a blur. We lost, but that’s not what I remember most about it. “I played. I went out and I played.”
“Were you nervous while you played?”
“No. Only before,” I said.
“Mmhmm. And when did the fear stop?”
I remembered the moment. “The second my cleats hit the diamond.”
“The conference room is your diamond, Rome,” Alex said. “The only courage you need is to step into that room. The rest is easy. Answer whatever questions you think you can, but like the outfield, it’s in your control. Only you can drop the ball. Only you can catch it. You’re in control, Rome. You always have been. You just need to see that this is the same.”
I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I blinked. Wiped it away. “I love you, Alex.Ti amo tanto.”
“Ti amo,Romolo,” he said in his attempt at using an Italian accent. It was terrible and an offensive caricature. And it made my heart melt. Knees weak. “I’ll be watching. Remember when you realized I started watching all your games? This is the same thing. It’s practically like I’m there.”
I pressed my hand to my heart. “You’re always here with me, aren’t you?”
“Always. Go and do what you were born to do, Rome. You’ve got this.”
“I got this,” I said. Told him I loved him again and again. Ended the call.
And stepped out from the closet.
?
Inordinate flashing as I walked into the conference room. Emma waved me over to the table. The head coach sat there as well and, to my surprise, Devin on the opposite side. He gave me dual thumbs up as I walked over. A bit unorthodox to have a training coach at the bench but no one seemed to question it. I knew exactly why he was there, though.
I was so happy I could have hugged him. I knew I would afterward.
The second my rear hit the cold metal of the chair behind the table, I shifted. The knot in my stomach loosened, though it didn’t go away entirely. I stared ahead at a sea of reporters dotted with live cameras. Emma had been speaking, an introduction of some kind that I didn’t exactly hear. My mind repeated the words I had wanted to say and how I wanted to say them. We had rehearsed this. Emma, the coach, and myself.
I cleared my throat into the microphone. Took off my ball cap and ran my hand through my hair. I swallowed and leaned in.
“Hey everyone. Thanks for being patient with me. I, um… I was just on the phone with someone special.” I looked right at the camera as I said that part, the one for the channel I knew Alex watched. I could almost feel his eyes on me. Could almost hear the whisper of his encouraging words in my ear. The heat of his hands on my shoulders. The press of his lips into my cheek.
