A waiter approached to take their drinks order, postponing their small talk. Again. She opted for a cocktail, him a whisky. He hoped it might calm his nerves. Anyone would think he’d never been on a date before.
They were delivered quickly, and he tried not to down his dram in one shot as Blair carried the conversation. His mind kept wandering back to the loch. It was narrower and longer than Teárlag, but it reminded him of that day in his van all the same. The way Eiley had snapped at him, because she was so bloody stubborn when it came to being helped. The way he’d realised, finally, that it was all just an act, a way of protecting herself. If she knew he was on a date, would she care? Did she feel that same knife lodged in her belly, the one he’d been trying to pull out of himself for days?
He didn’t like how he’d left things. He’d been crueller than necessary. Maybe part of him hoped that it might finally wake her up to the way he wanted her, but nothing ever seemedto. He would have to be okay with letting her go, sooner or later. It just … pissed him off. All of it. She’d known all along nothing could come of this, but he’d been foolish enough to take whatever she would give. And—
And Blair had stopped talking, because he hadn’t been listening.
“Shite. Sorry.” He fixed his posture, leaning over the table to force his attention back to her, even if it felt impossible. “I was in a world of my own. Sorry. I’m back in the room, I promise.” He pressed his palms into his eyes. He didn’t like who he was right now. Didn’t like how he felt – hollow unless Eiley was near. It wasn’t fair of him; Blair deserved his undivided attention.
He plucked out a new question desperately. “So, have you always lived in Belbarrow?”
Her finger traced the edge of her glass steadily, less light in her eyes now. He’d bloody blown it. “I spent most of my life in and around Edinburgh. Honestly, it was too hard to find work in the city, so I figured I’d try out small-town living.”
“And how’d you like it?”
She shrugged. “I love the sense of community in Belbarrow, and I feel like I’m making a difference here, but honestly I’m not sure if I see myself staying long-term. It’s a bit isolated.”
“Aye, I get that. It was a culture shock to me, too, when I came back from Inverness.”
“So you’re from here, then?”
He hummed, in no mood to think about the house tonight. He managed to swerve the conversation back to her, and thistime, actually listened as she talked about family and work. They ordered their starters – a soup for her and smoked salmon for him – and another round of drinks. Occasionally, her foot brushed his shin under the table, and he smiled like he liked it.
“Despite being new to town, you already seem to have made an impression,” Blair pointed out, resting her chin in her palm.
“Oh?” Warren took a breath, allowing himself to reach out and touch her hand. No sparks. Maybe that was a good thing. His sparks with Eiley had turned into a wildfire, ravishing everything and leaving him a charred, barren landscape. Perhaps heshouldhave been looking for somebody who made him feel calm. Somebody he didn’t have to fight at every turn. So, he began drawing figure eights into her skin, hoping that if he kept trying, he would find something good. Something right.
“I noticed that you and Eiley seem to have a bit of tension. I hope you don’t mind, but I told her about our date, just to make sure she was okay with it.”
Or not. His fingers froze on her knuckles, stomach running cold. “What’d she say?”
Blair pulled back carefully. “She said that it was fine. Except it’s not, is it? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have just asked me that. You would have said, ‘Why wouldn’t she be fine with it?’ Or, ‘Whatever do you mean, Blair?’”
Fuck. He wasthatobvious. And she was stillthatengrained in him. Like this dry weather, there seemed to be no end to it. No escape. Just stifling air pressing into his skin.
It would be better to be honest. Blair deserved at least that. “We had something casual going on, aye, but it’s over now.”
“And do you want it to be? Because you don’t seem to be here with me, Warren, and I don’t like wasting my time.”
Her bluntness rendered him speechless for a moment. Was that why people were uncomfortable around him and all his directness, too?
Finally, he sputtered out, “You’re not wasting your time. I’m enjoying getting to know you.” It wasn’t a lie, even if it wasn’t the whole truth.
“Are you sure? I get along with Eiley, and I teach her lads. I don’t want to upset her over a man who can’t even be bothered to listen.”
He bristled, clenching his napkin in his fist. “I’m listening now, Blair. I promise. And trust me, you wouldn’t upset her. She made that clear.” That was why he needed to be here, needed to do this. Even if he and Blair didn’t work, it was better than sitting in his van, imagining a life where she let him in and gave him a fair bloody chance.
“Okay …” Blair took a long sip of her drink, looking anywhere but at him. “I mean, it didn’t make much sense to me either. She’s lovely, but three kids are a lot to take on. Especially with Sky, and—”
“Sky isn’t a burden,” Warren interrupted before Blair implied as much. “None of them are. The right person will be grateful that there are more parts of her to love. More family to fit into.”
An uncomfortable silence swathed the table, broken only when the waiter delivered their food. They thanked him, but neither of them moved to eat.
“I just meant,” Blair began finally, “that surely with your working hours, you might want a less complicated relationship. Clearly, I was wrong.”
He tried to scrape the frown from his face.Well done, eejit. You’ve really put your clumsy fucking foot in it now. “I didn’t meanme. We weren’t … It wasn’t like that.”
Blair gave a disbelieving scoff. “Okay, Warren.”