“No, it’s okay.” Harper stumbled over to Eiley’s lounger, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “We weren’t trying to make you feel bad. Cam, say you’re sorry.”
“No.” Cam tilted her chin stubbornly. When Harper glowered, she sighed in defeat. “Look, you’re doing well. So well. I couldn’t be in your position.”
“Yeah, I know, because that would be terrible,” Eiley remarked flatly.
Cam clucked her tongue. “Becauseyou’ve been through a lot, and even though we all try to support you, we can’t replace that bastard’s role in your life. We just wish we could see you happy.Properlyhappy. That’s all.”
But Eiley had neverbeenproperly happy. She’d always felt … burdened, somehow. Never by the kids. No, not by anyone but herself. There were just days when the world lacked colour. Days where she was so, so tired of doing things. Any things. She didn’t want to buy milk every otherday. She didn’t want to set her alarm for six-thirty each morning. She didn’t want to go outside or talk to other people. Her depression had been diagnosed as a teen, shortly after high school exams had begun, and it had never really gone away. It was just part of her. It didn’t mean she needed all this fuss. She’d learned to live with it. Learned that seeking little joys, like the sound of Saffron’s giggle or the way Brook lit up in his school plays, or Sky dancing to his favourite songs. And beyond them, the smell of rain and the flick of pages and …
And the people in front of her, who probably didn’t deserve to have their head bitten off, even if Cam could be unintentionally harsh.
“I know,” she said softly, finally, because it was the only productive thing shecouldsay. The other options were fight more, or admit all of these truths swirling through her brain. Truths she’d never been able to find the right words for. “For what it’s worth, it isn’t fair of Sorcha to push you that way. It isn’t a decision you can just lunge into, and you’re anything but selfish for wanting to think about it.”
Cam’s lips quivered with the promise of a smile. “Aye,that’swhat I was looking to hear. Thank you. Anyway, we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to get very drunk.”
“And to remind Eiley how to flirt,” Harper agreed, tapping her glass against Cam’s in cheers. Her watermelon slice plopped into her drink. “Who shall we start with? That man serving smoothies over there?” She pointed to a tall, lanky man in a dark suit delivering a tray of drinks to a rowdy group of tanned women.
“Sorry, what?” Eiley reared back in bewilderment. “No. No, that’s not at all what we’re here for.”
“Yes, it is, because you had a vibe with big sexy Hercules at the tavern the other night, but you sort of squashed it.”
Cam almost choked on her straw. “Big sexy Hercules? You mean, the fella who hit on mywife?”
Harper flapped her hands, as though brushing Cam’s point away. “Yes, but you have to admit that was very funny.”
“He told Eiley she has a stick up her arse!”
“I know!” Harper’s eyes gleamed. “Excellent inspiration for my next book, I have to say. Enemies to lovers, baby!”
Eiley rolled her eyes. “Nobody wants to read about a man like him.”
Even if she’d been stewing over his cocky, wolfish grin for days. He really had been awful, flirting with her like that. Like she was just some …
Well, woman he fancied in a bar. But to chat up her sister-in-law first! It was so typical – a cliché really – that an excessively attractive guy turned out to be a superficial playboy, eager to flirt with anything that had a pulse. He hadn’t been interested in Eiley. He’d been interested in satisfying his wee tadger. Well, he’d have to keep searching. He likely wouldn’t have to try very hard, what with the muscles and the overconfidence and the chiselled face. Thank goodness she’d seen through them.
“Oh, yes,” Harper deadpanned, “because straight romance is full of kind, humble men who would never piss you off.”
She did have a point, but Eiley wasn’tina romance book, and besides, she never found rude alpha males all that attractive even in fiction. She’d always preferred Bingley to Mr Darcy.Liked to know where she stood with someone. And after Finlay, she’d never put up with disrespect again. “Well, I’ve had enough of enemies to lovers. If you want inspiration for your next book, I want friends to lovers. With a kind cinnamon roll who would never hurt anybody. One not inspired by my brother next time, preferably.”
“Actually, my next book is sapphic.” Harper grinned. “Rival figure skaters.”
“Thank god,” Cam muttered.
“Even better. I need a break from men.” Eiley had never really delved too deep into her sexuality, but she enjoyed reading queer romance as often as she did straight pairings. With Cam coming out quite early in life, she’d always known that her attraction wasn’t restricted to one gender, and the butch lesbians and sunshine femmes of lesfic novels, introduced to her by Harper, were just as enjoyable. She’d actually harboured a crush on Andy for a good few years in her teens, a fact she’d never admit to anyone. She’d never settled on a label, mostly because she’d never needed to. Certainly not now, when she wasn’t dating at all.
“Seriously,” Harper continued. “Don’t you miss a bit of cheeky harmless flirting? It might be good for you.”
“Or we could get back in the pool and you could force my head under water until I drown. That might be less painful.” Eiley lay back down, sipping her drink only to find it was empty. “Anyway, tell me more about sapphic ice skaters.”
She didn’t want to think about relationships, or her lack of, anymore.
“Harper has a point,” Cam chimed in. “What if this nerdy cinnamon roll soul mate you speak of—”
“I never said he was nerdy,” Eiley cut in.
“Well, if he’s dating you, he’ll have to be. Anyway, what if he walks into the bookshop one day, looking all Clark Kent-like, and you think to yourself, ‘if only I’d practised flirting beforehand so we could have an actual conversation?’”
Eiley let out an agitatedpfft. “On the off-chance Superman happens to turn up in Belbarrow, I suppose I’ll just have to miss my chance. After Finlay, I’m past believing in soul mates or any of that stuff. I don’t want another relationship. I just want a really good, uninterrupted night’s sleep.”
