He wanted to say so many things. Wanted to point out that, not too long ago, she’d claimed to be unhappy at that company.
But it wouldn’t be right to do that. She’d supportedhimenough, encouraged him into the spotlight with his work. Wasn’t it his responsibility to do the same?
He’d always known she would have to go home. Why couldn’t he just… let her?
His face stung, and something far deeper within him, too, when he realised what all of this truly meant.
She was leaving.
“When is the interview?”
“The week after next.” Her voice was hollow. So was his chest.
He slid his hands into his pockets, fixing his stare on a sunflower petal on the ground because he couldn’t bear to look at her. Couldn’t bear to remind himself of what he was in the process of losing. Knowing that this moment had always been inevitable didn’t make it any easier.
This, he realised, was why he’d held back in the beginning. This was why he hadn’t wanted to get too attached. Because now the goodbye was coming, sooner than he’d expected, and it felt like…
He didn’t even know what it felt like. His ears were ringing, heart thudding, and every nerve in his body jangled.
He squeezed his eyes closed quickly.Don’t be so fucking selfish, Fraser. Support her the way she’s supported you. Tell her you’re bloody happy for her, for Christ’s sake.
He inhaled shakily, scratching his locked jaw. “You should go for it.”
The silence teetered like a glass on the brink of shattering between them. She tilted her head, throat bobbing. “You think?”
“Aye. Of course. You’re great at what you do. It’s about time people started recognising that.” His words sounded stiff even to his own ears.
Harper took a step back. “Oh. Okay.”
He didn’t understand. Had she been expecting something else? What could he possibly say? He couldn’t tell her how to live her life. Couldn’t ask her to stay. She could be successful in Manchester. What could he possibly offer her that trumped that?
“I would have to leave soon,” she said quietly. “Next week.”
“I could drive you into Glasgow, if it makes it easier. You know, to plan travel stuff.”
What was hedoing? Another version of himself stood behind him, screaming at him tostop. Shut up. He didn’twantto drive her into Glasgow. He didn’t want to drive her anywhere that wasn’t home – his house, or his cabin.
Harper blinked as though his words surprised her. “Okay. Thank you.” She paused. “I would come back for the launch party, if you wanted me to. I wouldn’t want to miss it.”
“That would be nice, but you wouldn’t have to.” He didn’t even want a launch party if she wasn’t going to be here anymore. He didn’t wantanythingthat wasn’t complete and utter numbness. He certainly didn’t want any more of this sharp stabbing in his chest,which was penetrating deeper with every word she said.
“Whatever you want, Fraser.” She sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. “You know, I think I’ll save that drink for tomorrow. I’m tired.” She unwound his scarf from her neck quickly, pressing it into his chest.
Why was she giving it back?
He frowned, fingers loose around it. “I’ll drive you, then.”
“No. Your mum is waiting for you inside. Go. I’ll walk.”
“It’s cold,” he pointed out.
“The walk will warm me up.” And then she was brushing past him. Walking towards the bridge. Fraser’s heart rang out like alarm bells in his ears, in perfect unison with the ones drifting from St. Margaret’s to signal the new hour.
He wanted to call out, bring her back to him, but what was the point?
She was leaving, whether he liked it or not. Maybe it was better not to pretend otherwise.
They never should have done it in the first place, but he’d let himself fall despite wanting so badly not to.
