A short nod.
“I’m sorry, Jeff.” I throw my head back at the wall behind me. “I’m sorry he did this to you.”
Waving his hand in the air, he says, “It is what it is. I regret nothing, boy.”
Suddenly not able to breathe, I try swallowing a giant lump in my throat. Jeff was the first person who stood up for me. Besides my mom, but she stopped voicing her opinion when I turned ten. So neither Noah nor I really had any family members ready to protect two kids from their abusive father, scared of his wrath. We were on our own. Until this guy stopped my father’s hand. Quite literally. And apparently paid a big price for that.
“I am still sorry, Jeff. I truly am.” I stare ahead, feeling shameful that my cowardice cost a decent life to a good man.Right here and right now, I vow to myself that I’ll make it up to him. Any way I can.
“Water under the bridge, boy.” He smacks my shoulder. “I see you’ve done good for yourself.”
My chuckle is dark. “I don’t know about that.”
“What do you mean? You’ve got yourself a nice job and a nice wife.”
I turn toward him so fast I give myself whiplash.
“Maeve stopped by.” He snorts. “Who do you think got the dirt on that Lebovski pervert?”
“You got the photos for Maeve?”
A nod. “Right from that building.” He points at a brick building around the corner on the left. “He visited this itty-bity club in the basement. Did you blackmail the bastard?”
“Maeve did.” My voice drops to nearly a whisper.
“Oh-oh, what did you do?”
Taking a deep breath, I tell him about how badly I messed up.
“Do you love her?” he asks after mulling over my story for a few minutes.
“Yes.” My answer is immediate and firm. I love Maeve. I’ve loved her from the moment she scowled at me from behind the counter. And I fell in love even deeper when she splashed hot coffee on my dick to teach me some manners. I think I was neck deep after that.
“Then show it to her.” He shrugs his shoulder. “That girl didn’t know any love growing up with those folks of hers. And you just showed her that she’s still unlovable if you think she’s done something not up to your expectations. Go and prove her wrong.” He laughs under his breath. “Wrong, huh.”
He’s right. Not that Maeve is unlovable, but that she thinks this way. I think this way too. Maybe this is where my insecurity about being cheated on comes from. Being raisedby a dismissive father and a mother too afraid to speak up while trying to prove to them that I deserve a place in the family is not the best way to grow up mentally healthy. My mom is not bad; she just doesn’t have a backbone. Looking at Maeve’s mother, I wonder which one is worse. Being constantly berated for the way she looks, moves, or talks breaks a child’s psyche just as much if not more.
Another wave of rage toward her parents burns hot in my chest, making me slowly release a measured breath to calm myself down.
I will show Maeve that she is the most lovable and deserving person in the world and that she doesn’t have to prove anything to me. I just need to figure out how.
53
Maeve
“You need to eat something,” Bea pleads, holding a bowl of noodles in her hands. When I get a whiff of them, I start bawling. This used to be Ezra’s and my favorite food. We cooked it together when he could get out of work earlier to spend cold evenings with me.
“Fucking hell, Maeve,” Bea growls, dropping the bowl on the table next to the bed. “It’s been a week. I’m gonna tie you to a bed and spoon feed you.”
At that, I start bawling even louder, remembering all the times we tied each other up.
Bea jumps from the bed, pressing her fingers into her temples. “I’m going to kill him, I swear. I will kill him and bury his body on Mars, so you’ll never be reminded about him.”
The Martianwas the last movie we watched together. Needless to say, I end up with a waterfall, making Bea shriek.
A sudden slap on my face makes me pause wailing and stare at her with wide open eyes.
“Why did you do that?”
