Riding wave after wave, I come back down to earth. To the truth of her words. To the fuckin’ scare of my life.
I pull away and start feverishly collecting my clothes scattered on the floor.
Leila quietly gets off the table and pulls her sweater and jeans back on. By the time she’s done, I’m halfway to the door.
Before I open it, I hear her voice behind me. It’s not judgmental. It’s not accusing. It’s firm but gentle.
“I can’t be your crutch, Stephan. I don’t think anyone can. But I will be if you need me to. Every time your mind gets clouded with thoughts I don’t appreciate, I want you to remember what I just said. I mean it, and I stand by it.”
I want so badly to turn around, but I can’t. My hand is on the doorknob, my heart is bleeding, and she keeps talking.
“I’ll always be here if you need me. I’m that person whose life you’ve changed. Irrevocably for good.”
My eyes itch, my nose tingles. I squeeze the doorknob, angry that it’ll separate me from her forever.
“Just remember that,” she adds quieter. “Just remember me.”
I open the door and run outside like all the demons of hell are chasing me. I get in the car and let myself go. Hitting the fucking wheel over and over again with my fist, I squeeze my eyes closed so they won’t fuckin’ leak. I want to go back. I want to open this door and run back inside her house, to the warmth of her presence. I’m a short breath away from doing so.
My phone rings, and I grab it to turn it off, but I accidentally press the ‘accept’ button before fumbling it, dropping to my feet. My mother’s cold voice rings through the Rover like thunder.
“Is that you, Stephan?”
Fuck.I duck to the floor, trying to find the phone in order to shut her voice up, but it fell under the seat, so I can’t reach it.
“Well, it’s your mother, Stephan. I have a charity event, and I need you present. Quite frankly, I have no idea why people want to see you here, but they do. Saying you’re a hero.” An evil laugh follows.
Fuckin’ shut up.
“After you being dishonorably discharged,” she says offensively. “I prefer not to tell anyone that you’re my child, but people remember. Unfortunately.” Her cackle grades on my nerves. “Anyway, I haven’t heard from you in years. I hope you didn’t find some poor American girl to get pregnant. God knows the earth can’t handle another one of you. You’ve done enough damage to your family and those poor soldiers that served with you.”
I find my phone but don’t press the button. I don’t know why, but I keep listening to her.
“Anyway, I expect you to be here on the twenty-ninth. Make sure you look presentable and cover those god-awful things you call art.”
And she hangs up. It’s like that with her every time. I pick up for some unknown reason, and she spreads her poison.
But she also just reminded me why I can’t go back to Leila. I love her too much to ruin her life with my presence, so I put my emotions on hold, start the car, and drive away without looking back.
Chapter Twenty-Two
LEILA
Since he left three days ago, I’ve been moving on autopilot. I knew he wasn’t going to stay, but it hurts nonetheless. I wasn’t lying when I said that I loved him. I didn’t think I could love anyone other than my family, to be honest. I always thought a little differently than people around me and felt a little less, so I figured love wasn’t in the future for me. I was wrong. Stephan, appearing in my life, made everything change. Everything. Even my understanding of the world. I always thought if I’d be lucky enough to find someone I could love, I’d never let them go. But turns out, if you love someone more than you love yourself, you set them free.
He is not the type to be caged. By anything or anyone. But I couldn’t let him go without letting him know how I feel. I don’t regret it.
The moment he left, I went to bed without taking a shower, hoping to preserve his scent around me as long as I could. The second day I planned the same, but I smelled a little gross.Fine, a lot.So, I had to wash away all the evidence of him being here the night before. I cried in the shower, a rare occurrence for me. I cried the day before too, but because of my brother. I mourned the idea of him accepting me as his sister. I cried over the years I’ve wasted trying to prove him that I loved him. I cried over Stephan losing his friend and brother in arms.
But the day after, I stopped crying and decided to figure out how to help the person I loved the most. Unfortunately, the person who could help me is a jerk, so I had to find a way to get around it.
And I’m still waiting, two days later, thinking over how I can get the information out of him.
And the information comes to my doorstep on its own on day four.
A soft knock on my door draws me back from the heavy research I have currently splayed over my worktable. I peep outside and find Alex nervously moving from foot to foot. I open the door two inches and look outside.
He swallows before speaking. “Hi.”
