ChapterTwenty-Nine
MARK
When she offers for me to stay in her bedroom at her parent’s house, I’m not going to lie; I feel super uncomfortable. What do I do? I haven’t touched her in a month, and the moment her body lies next to mine, I know I won’t be able to control myself like a fucking animal. But I have to keep quiet. We both know she’s anything but quiet when it comes to sex, so I think she’s testing me. I can do that. I am a grown man who can control his urges.
I am a strong man. I am a grown man.
Maybe if I chant the mantra many times, I’ll believe it.
“Good night!” Mrs. Attleborough yells from the kitchen as Alicia drags me upstairs by my hand. Memories from the last time I was here assaults my mind, and I grind my molars, suppressing the rise of my anxiety.
When she opens the door to her room, it’s different from what I remember. Obviously, it was in a state of a total disarray, but even the wall color is different now. It’s a soft peach. And what is that? A phoenix on the wall? It looks like Kayla’s work. The phoenix is her signature tattoo. I glance at Alicia. It’sher.My phoenix has risen to its full power, spreading her gorgeous wings and leaving the darkness behind her.
I find her watching me as I’m taking in the art on the wall. I pull her into a side hug. “Come here, my beautiful phoenix.”
A shy smile appears on her face, her soft cheeks turn pink. “How did you know?”
“Did you really think I wouldn’t recognize you?” I kiss her softly on the top of her head and look around. “Where will I sleep?”
She gets out of the hug and strides toward her bed, where she jumps atop and pats the space next to her. “Right here.”
I nervously look back at the door. “But what about—” I let it hang in the air. I mean, I’m always hard for her, but in her parents’ house, on the first day they seem to accept me? I really don’t want to push my luck.
“Their room is on the other side of the house.” She notices my not-very-convinced face and says with a raised brow, “On the first floor.”
I visibly relax, and she cackles. “Come here.” She pats the cover she’s sitting on again.
I take off my sweater, staying in a T-shirt and pants, and climb next to her. Her hand stretches toward me, and I grab it and pull it down in a tight hold. “Alicia.” My throat is dry. “I remember what you told me here, in the same room. Do you remember?”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“If that still is a problem, you need to tell me now. If seeing me—being with me—hurts you in any way, you need to tell me.” I swallow roughly. “I need to know because if you don’t tell me now, I don’t think I’ll be able to stay away from you if you change your mind.”
Her beautiful blue eyes peer at me, unblinking.
“Do you understand, Alicia? I can’t do that knowing I might lose you.” I hold her stare and stress the next words. “It will be the end of me. Do you understand?”
She blinks for the first time and squeezes my hand. “I understand.”
I think my soul is leaving my body when I hear the finality of her tone. I relax my fingers, releasing her from my hold, but she grabs it back. “I understand and accept it. I don’t want to be without you either.” She smiles shyly. “I don’t think I even can. You are my security, Mark. You are what made me whole.”
“But—” I want to bring up what she said before. About me being present in the nightmare since she placed me in the same picture of the worst day of her life.
“It’s fixed.”
“What’s fixed?” I’m confused.
“You are my security again. I was wrong to see you as anything but, and I got some help.”
“You’ve seen a therapist again?” I raise my brows, knowing she hated the idea of opening up to someone about what happened and how she feels about it. I know she’d been to therapy before but stopped going because it didn’t help.
“Yes.” She nervously bites the inside of her cheek. “It sucked.” She chuckles. “But it helped.”
“So, I’m not a boogeyman anymore?”
“You never were.” I squeeze her hand again. “I just didn’t see the Superman cap under all this hair.” Her eyes twinkle with mischief as she circles her finger around my torso, making me laugh.
I grab her shoulder. “I love you, my phoenix.”
