My eyes fill with tears as I come to understand what this means.
I won’t be able to be with this man even if I love him with every fiber of my soul.
He pulls away as if sensing my turmoil. When I let him go, he brings his large hands to my cheeks and lifts my face toward him. When I meet his eyes, I find unshed tears in them, and my own eyes tear once more.
“I don’t want to cause you pain. Ever.” His wet lips gently touch mine. He moves them along mine. His teasing touch is butterfly-like. He tastes like salt and sorrow.
He softly moves his lips along mine one more time and pulls away.
Then he stands and leaves me in my solitude, surrounded by people.
But still lonely.
ChapterTwenty-Three
MARK
I wipe away the tears. I should be embarrassed about them, but I’m not. Walking out of her room—away from her—was one of the worst pains I’ve ever experienced.
The asshole is standing in the hallway next to her room. Her mom, dad, and Kayla are there too, but my sole focus is on him.
“I hope you are happy with your accomplishment,” I tell him, standing as close as I can, hoping he feels as small as he really is.
He has the decency to look ashamed.
“Mark, he didn’t mean to—”
“Stop right there, Kayla.” I raise my hand. “You knew. You were probably the only one who knew who we were to each other.”
“I did!” she exclaims. “And what? I saw two people who were perfect for each other.”
“Really?” I ask sarcastically. “How perfect are we now, huh?”
She deflates. “It was never supposed to end like this. You were supposed to fall in love with each other and not be sidetracked by anything else.”
“Yeah.” My chuckle is dark. “On our own terms, maybe.” I shift my attention to Justin. I take pleasure in the fact that he looks like a truck just ran over him, but even that’s not nearly bad enough for what I want to do to him right now.
But I have no anger left. My life is falling apart as we speak, and the only reason I ever wanted something bigger, somethingmorefor myself, stayed in that room, crying on the floor. And I left my heart bleeding on the same floor with her.
“Fuck, man,” Justin says as he covers his face with his hands. “Is she okay?”
“No, but she will be. Because she’s so fuckin’ strong, and she doesn’t need you to treat her like an incapable infant.” I look at all of them. “None of you.”
Everyone looks at the ground, ashamed, even her parents. Her mother sniffles, bringing her hand to her chest. I want to say more, but I decide I better not start something that might worsen the already-shitty situation, so I walk toward the exit.
I knew this day would be a major clusterfuck from the moment I woke up. I’m not a good fit to bring to a family dinner, not a polished version of a perfect boyfriend. I’m a barely civilized guy you fuck in the darkness and don’t tell anyone. I’m still in awe about how a woman like Alicia could find me interesting. I guess I’ll never know now.
I’m out the door when Justin catches up to me. He jumps in front of me and stops me with his raised hand. “We need to talk.”
“Not now. For fuck’s sake, not now, Justin.” I growl, and his eyes widen. We are not on a first-name basis, and I can’t even remember calling Justin his name to his face.
“Look, I know I fucked up. I didn’t want to say anything about the rape. All right?” He places his hands on the back of his head and pulls his hair. “I got overheated when I saw you being so fuckin’ cozy with my family. With my sister. You clearly fucked her, and I just fuckin’ snapped.”
I clench my jaw, trying not to say anything back and make the evening even more horrid. Instead, I’m trying to focus on the rim of my truck, which needs a scrubbing.
“Please, tell me you really didn’t know she was my sister.” His voice takes a pleading tone, and I switch my attention to him.
“I didn’t.” I take a step toward him, and he doesn’t back down. “Alicia is the best thing to ever happen in my fucking life, but now, you took that away from me. Why did you push me inside the house if you thought I was here just to taunt you, huh?”
