Ghost is dancing around me, pushing me with his muzzle toward the door. Damn me, the bastard wants to go after her. There is no other explanation. The moment I open the door, he sprints into the woods. Who’s dog is he?
I lock the door, zip up my jacket, and follow him.
It doesn’t take me long to find her, maybe an hour. I don’t think it was in her plan to disappear completely. She just wanted some space from humanity, perhaps. Sometimes I hike the same path when I have a heavy day and I need to check out from the rest of the world. I’m not stupid enough to stay out here for the night though. This road leads up the hill into the pine forest. It’s not a high altitude, so the temperature doesn’t fluctuate much, but bears sure love this path because of the hikers and the food they’re making with their fires.
I step into the opening among the pines and find her sitting on a log by the dying fire with a mug in her hands, staring ahead of her. There’s a tent lying on the ground in a messy pile, her backpack by her legs, half open with everything inside spilling out of it.
“Hey,” I say quietly, hovering at the edge of her little camp, trying not to scare her.
She blinks a few times, clearing the fog she is in. The absence scares me a little, if I’m honest.
“Hey.” Her answer is barely audible.
“Can I join you?”
A short, silent nod is her only response, so I move toward her. Ghost is hesitant by my side, and it scares me even more. He follows my footsteps, not rushing forward, like he sees more than I do. Or less.
I sit on the log next to her. There is a foot of space between us, but she scoots over, making it one and a half. I imagine half of her butt is suspended in the air, and I’m about to stand when she brings her hand to mine and covers it.
“Stay.” She sighs when Ghost comes to sit next to her. Seems like my dog has some cosmic connection with the woman. “Sorry, I don’t do well with people when no one else is around.”
I pause for a moment, looking down at my hands. “With people… or with men?”
The silence that follows is deafening. I give up on the idea of ever getting my answer when she surprises me with a quiet “men” and goes to rub Ghost’s ears, who closes his eyes and leans into her touch, relaxing her a little.
A wave of rage rises in my chest, traveling like acid up my throat and burning me from the inside out. I try to swallow it, but it remains, bubbling near the surface. “Did someone hurt you, Alicia?” I’m aware my voice comes out as a growl, but I can’t change it. Not now. Not when I can rip whoever hurt her with my bare hands. Limb to limb. My rage is already palpable. I can see it in front of me, a red fog clouding my vision.
She blinks slowly, her throat bobbing. “It was a long time ago.” Her voice is void of emotion. She’s like a robot sitting here, next to me. Her body is present, but her mind’s gone somewhere else. I’ve noticed her doing that a lot.
“That doesn’t make it okay.” I’m breathing like an enraged bull, but she doesn’t grant me a response. Not that I deserve one. Not when I act like a Neanderthal.
“I’m scared to be alone.” Her voice is a whisper, and the words she’s saying seem so heavy, I hold my breath, fearing scaring her off. “And I’m scared to be around people. I’m just scared all the time.” She swallows loudly and continues. “I moved here because I wanted to move on, but I can’t. I came here…” She presses her finger to the log we’re sitting on. “Because I wanted to overcome this… irrational fear of being alone. I’m always scared I’ll get attacked, and no one will be there to save me. Always scared.” She gulps and looks up. “I thought I could do it, but I can’t. I mean, look at this.” She points at the tent on the ground. “I couldn’t even set this thing up, and I had clear instructions.” She pulls a paper from her pocket and shakes it in front of my face. “See,instructions.”
I take the paper from her and frown. “These are shitty instructions.”
She looks at my grimace, and a beautiful, shy smile breaks through the dark clouds on her face. “You think so?”
“Oh, for sure. I mean, look at this.” I show her the paper, flipping it upside down. “Who can read that?”
“Right.” She giggles and scrunches her nose. “No one.”
“Told you.” I click my tongue. “Good thing I used to be a pro at setting up tents, and I still remember.” I wink at her and rise to my feet.
“What are you doing?” Her eyes widen, and she sits up straighter, gripping the log with both hands.
“Helping you set up this tent. Is it weatherproof?” I nod toward the disaster on the ground.
“Yeah, it had four point eight stars on Amazon.” She wipes her nose with her gloved hand.
I stop moving and turn toward her. “Why not five?”
Her face looks horrified. “You think I should have gotten another one?”
I crack, doubling over with laughter. “Relax, princess. This one is good enough,” I say when I can breathe again.
“Even when it’s cold?”
“Let’s hope it is.” It’s so fucking cold, my ass is completely frozen, but if she wants this—needsthis—we will stay on this fucking frozen ground in this freezing air with our frozen asses.
