I can’t precisely pinpoint the exact moment it started. When I was younger, I only cared about having willing pussy at my door whenever I wanted. It’s why I went for those girls. The “good” girls from the good side of town only wanted to see how it would be on the wild side with a guy from the bad neighborhood.
I needed sex like I needed water. Maybe it was a control thing. I’m not sure. I’d have my way with whoever came my way and then add a solo session at night to fall asleep.
Since then, I have learned to control it. I don’t require as much sex anymore, but I still crave it. I love the feeling of a woman in my hands, their soft bodies, their perfect curves… My cock gets harder at the thought. To think of it, the last memory was far too long ago, which might be contributing to the steel rod in my pants.
These days, it’s just my hand and me. Sometimes having a girlfriend is complicated, and I ran out of those in Little Hope long ago. My last girlfriend was from Springfield, and we broke up six months ago. She wanted more than I was willing to give. My history is far too messy for me to be in a healthy relationship, let alone even be in the same room where marriage is being discussed.
So the moment I realized she was pointing out rings, I was out. In my defense, I was open from the beginning about what was or wasn’t going to happen between us, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Yet it still did. She threw a fit.
I’ll never get married and will never have kids. I don’t know shit about raising kids, much less kids I won’t fuck up with my own issues. I raised my sister, ten years younger than me, and I still can’t be positive she doesn’t have a few screws loose.
I step in the shower, sighing into the hot water beating down on my aching shoulders. In pain with a raging hard-on… Not a good way to start a twenty-four-hour shift.
My dick is somewhat softer. Remembering my childhood tends to deflate everything in me. But I know I have to get it out of the way, or the only thing I’ll think about the entire shift is how my neighbor’s shirt clung to her the night before.
I grab the base of my cock and squeeze it, making the head turn a dark shade. Blood rushes to it in an instant.
I squeeze some shower gel into my palm and try to recall the last porn video I watched. It works for a moment. Two hot chicks in high heels go at each other, their tongues intertwining with intensity, their hands exploring farther and farther south… but the moment I close my eyes, the picture changes.
Now, there’s a tall blonde girl with curves for days in a wet T-shirt standing in front of me. She brings her hands to her nipples and pinches them as her head falls back, her eyes closed. I squeeze the head of my dick even harder, my breathing picking up. As she moves her hands down her stomach, my hand moves up and down my length. Her hands dip between her thighs, and I speed up the tempo. She dips her finger inside her dripping pussy, and I squeeze the base of my dick so hard that it turns purple. Just how I like it. Rough.
My stomach muscles start clenching, my thighs jerk forward, and I move my hand faster. She bites her full, wet lips, and I cover the head with my hand, spreading the pre-cum all over. A few slow, teasing circles around the head before I go all in. She comes closer, and I pant. She drops to her knees, and I place my hand on the wall, trying to keep myself upright. She looks up at me from under her long lashes, and my lower belly tightens unexpectedly. I start jerking my dick faster and unload my aching balls a few short seconds later with an embarrassing groan. I try to suppress it the best I can, consideringshe’sright there, sleeping in the next room, and I’m here, jacking off to the image of her on her knees in front of me. I’m a sick fuck.
I’m a sick fuck who doesn’t remember the last time he came so hard, his knees shook.
I wash away any evidence of my insanity from myself and from the wall, and for the millionth time in my life, I curse myself for this fucking increased libido.
I quickly finish my shower, praying she isn’t awake. I can’t face her now, minutes after I imagined her stroking her pussy in the shower with me. I just can’t. I don’t know what would happen if she showed up right now; I’m so lost between dream and reality. I can’t even say her name in my head. I feel too ashamed. I offered her my house as a safe place. The last thing she needs is to figure out she’s the main character in my morning fantasy.
I quickly get ready to leave the house without even a cup of coffee. I can get one on the way to the station. In fact, I’ll get breakfast too. I’ll have time, since I’m not making anything at home.
I stop by the bedroom door, trying to hear if Ghost is making a ruckus, attempting to get outside. It’s quiet in the room, only the soft, comfortable snoring of my dog, which I’m used to.
Well, I’ll have to rely on Alicia here and hope she’ll let him out. She seemed enamored by him earlier, so I hope she won’t leave him inside, or I’ll have to come back home to a stinky surprise on the floor.
I quietly close the front door and go to my truck, throwing sneaky glances at the bedroom window. I don’t know what I’m expecting to find there, but I want to seesomething. A peek. I see nothing and leave a little disappointed.
I park at Marina’s diner, where Kayla, my old neighbor from the trailer park, works, and go inside. We’ve grown up together. She’s a few years younger than me, and her living situation was just as shitty as mine when she was a kid, so she spent a lot of time in our trailer whenever her mother brought her boyfriends over. Our place wasn’t the best option per se, but it was better when predators visited hers.
My father was an abusive son of a bitch, but it was never sexual in nature. Our shithole was a better option for her. I grew up looking after her and never saw that girl as anything but another little sister. It’s why I went off the fucking rails when I spotted Kayla outside Justin’s garage, crying her eyes out with that tool Jake hot on her heels.An officer of the law,my ass. A damn bully, that’s what he is.
They reconciled after that. She never told me why he’d hated her so much, and I never pursued the subject. She’s a grown person, and I have my own stuff to worry about. Love makes people do stupid things, like forget years of bullying and harassment.
Love.I snort to myself. My sister is the only person I’ve ever loved, and I’m intent on keeping it this way. I’m incapable of loving a woman romantically. I learned way too early that no woman would love me, but they’d use me until they were done with me. I’m not good enough for anything else, so why should I let myself love someone and get hurt. Love just isn’t in the cards for me.
“Well, hello to a local hero!” Kayla exclaims as soon as I step a foot through the entryway.
The heads of every patron turn my way. I roll my eyes at her theatrics. She lives for this shit.
“What are you here for, my friend?”
“A breakfast,” I answer as I take a stool at the bar.
“For the station?” she asks as she gets her notebook out.
“No, just for me,” I answer, knowing how many questions will follow.
She quirks an eyebrow. I never come for food for myself. I usually come during my rotation to get breakfast for the team.
