I winced at the question. I didn’t know exactly, but the doctor only expected her to last a few more weeks at the most. “Probably just until things settle.”
I went ahead and gathered the girls’ laundry while Alex joined her sister and the twins. I wasn’t sure how I was going to break it to them. They didn’t have a super-close relationship with their mother, but she was still theirs.
As they finished up the episode ofBluey,I settled them on the couch with Alex close by. I didn’t force Autumn or Colton to leave, since they’d find out soon enough. I let the news out as slowly and gently as I could. We’d be going back to California to see their mom before she went away to be with the angels. The girls seemed confused and asked when she’d be coming back. And I hated telling them that she wouldn’t be. Beside them, Alex sniffled, and it broke my heart to see her taking my ex’s prognosis just as hard as I was.
They seemed unfazed by the news, but I had a feeling once they saw their mother, things would start to make more sense. Just from the lab work, I could tell she’d lost a considerable amount of weight. Weight she didn’t have to lose in the first place.
The girls went to bed easily enough, and when I joined the group back downstairs, Autumn rushed over to gather me in her arms. She said she’d take care of whatever I needed and that we could keep the storage container on her property. There were so many things I needed to do before I left, but I felt overwhelmed and so extremely tired.
Colton offered me a drink, but I declined. Alex stood in the kitchen's corner worrying her lip.
“I think I’m going to head up. I’m… so fucking tired.”
Acknowledging no one, I made my way back to my room. Alex restored Sasha’s labs back into the envelope and returned it to the dresser. Since my shirt was still discarded somewhere on the floor, I slipped out of my shorts and settled into bed. With a quick switch of the lamp, I bathed the room in darkness. A little glow from the rising moon shone through the window, but I was too drained to get up and shut the curtains.
As tired as I was, my mind wouldn’t turn off. I kept replaying different moments from today. It started off so well, and then it all went to shit.
Just as I was reliving the last twelve hours for the fifth time, there was a light knock on the door and then the squeak of the door opening. I knew without looking that it was Alex. My body instantly responded to her.
“Hey,” she whispered. “I just want to lie with you, if that’s okay.”
Wordlessly, I rolled onto my back and threw the covers open on her side. I was thankful for the faint moonlight, as I got to watch her shrug out of her clothes and slip in beside me. She snuggled close, resting her head on my chest. It was one of my favorite positions.
“Go to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up,” she murmured.
My eyelids grew heavier with each passing second, and then the sweetness of slumber took over me.
The twins refused to pack their things the next day. I’d been up early setting up flights and finding a rental property close to Sasha’s condo. She refused to go back to the hospital. After booking the flights, I’d taken the time to call her, and we spoke for a good hour. Alex sat by me the entire time—not out of jealousy, but she was there to comfort me. A few times, I felt her lips on my shoulder as I teared up. She was my life vest in this unforgiving ocean of chaos.
Somehow, Alex convinced the girls to clean up and put their clothes in their suitcases. A reference toMary Poppinsseemed to do the trick.
By the time dinner came around, we were all just one step away from falling asleep at the table.
The Easterlys sat around the table in the formal dining room with us. It felt surreal to be back in this room. We hadn’t eaten a meal in here since those first couple of days when the girls and I arrived. I recalled how hesitant Alex had been to sit at the table with us that night. Only after some serious puppy-dog eyes had she caved. And now her entire family was here supporting me and my daughters.
Even Andrew had shown up, though he hadn’t uttered a word to me or Alex. It still meant everything to me that he came.
Marisol tried to argue the kitchen duty away from Alex, but I knew my girl needed this. She wanted to take care of me and the twins. But I also knew Marisol wanted to take care ofher. Because Alex was hurting despite how many false smiles she gave. I could see right through them.
The chicken fajitas were delicious, not that I expected anything less. When he finished, Andrew even thanked Alex. It was the first time I heard him speak since he arrived.
“So, what time is your flight in the morning?” Nash asked as he took a hearty pull from his beer.
“It leaves at 7:00 a.m. It was the earliest one I could get.”
“And you have a place to stay?” Marisol added as she scooped the dirty plates up from the table.
“We do. I was able to secure a short-term rental close to Sasha’s place. They originally said I couldn’t move in for another two weeks, but, you know, money talks,” I tried to joke, but it fell flat.
That awful awkward silence took over the room. It was something I’d never witnessed around the Easterlys. I had no idea what to say around them. With each small smile or pat on the shoulder, I could feel their hurt on my behalf.
Standing from the table, I thanked them all for joining us for dinner. I joked that I still had a house to build, so we wouldn’t be gone too long, but their chuckles weren’t genuine. The problem was we had no idea how long Sasha had, and I wanted the girls to be with her as long as they could.
Gradually, everyone started to leave the B&B. Even Colton and Autumn retreated to their private space. Marisol made me promise to keep in touch before she wrapped me up in her arms. Why hadn’t I been granted a mother like this from birth? The Easterly kids had no idea how good they had it. Maybe if I did, I could’ve saved my kids from the heartbreak they were about to experience. Because maybe then I wouldn’t have made any of the decisions that led to meeting and marrying Sasha to begin with.
But then I wouldn’t have them. And I wouldn’t have traded Molly and Eloise for any kind of perfect childhood of my own.
“We love you, Nathaniel. All of us. Don’t forget that.” Gingerly, she patted my cheek and walked out with Nash. He was a man of few words, but he choked up expressing his condolences.
