2. Caroline would NOT see right through me, and I’d have to actually say it out loud, which might be worse.
3. I would start crying for no reason, because that’s what happened whenever I talked about my feelings for more than two minutes.
4. Ford would show up unannounced and we’d have to explain why he was in my apartment, or worse, why he wasn’t wearing a shirt.
The buzzer went off at exactly 1:00. I let out a breath, walked to the door, and tried to look like I hadn’t been lurking in anticipation for the past hour.
Caroline swept in like a spring wind—auburn hair pulled back into a chic bun, scrubs crisp and immaculate, that particular brand of medical-professional calm that made you believe everything would be okay as long as she was around. She carried a tote bag slung over one arm, emblazoned with the wordsI’m all booked up.Her smile was the kind that made you want to confess all your sins just to bask in the absolution.
“Hey,” she said, letting herself in and toeing off her shoes.
“Hey. Coffee’s ready,” I replied, like a robot programmed to serve.
She grinned, arching an eyebrow at my over-casual tone, but didn’t call me on it. We sat at the tiny kitchen table, hands wrapped around the mugs. She took a sip, eyes flicking to me over the rim. “You look good, Lily.”
I barked a laugh. “You mean, not completely dead?”
She shook her head, that little shake she reserved for hopeless patients. “No, I mean it. There’s color in your face again. You seem . . . happy.”
Happy was a stretch, but I let her have it. “It’s just the hair,” I joked, tucking a strand behind my ear for the twelfth time that morning. “New color, new me.”
Caroline set her mug down, both hands folded around it. “Hmm, that’s not it.”
Should I blurt it out? That I’d spent last night in Ford’s bed, did things to him I hadn’t let myself even imagine for two years, and then woke up feeling like I’d been patched together with new thread? That I was terrified he’d regret it, or that I would? That I wanted to text him already, but didn’t want to seem desperate?
Instead I just stared at my coffee, swirling the surface with my finger. The words crowded up in my throat, but wouldn’t get in line. Finally, I blurted, “I slept with him.”
Caroline blinked, caught completely off guard. “Wait—Ford?”
I nodded, feeling my face go nuclear. “We slept together last night.”
She leaned in, lips curling into a sly, knowing smile. “And?”
“And . . . it was good.” I ducked my head, heat flooding my ears. “Like, really good. Amazing. But I think I might have broken my brain.”
Caroline snorted. “Oh, so it wasthatgood.” Caroline set her mug down and grinned at me, all green eyes and no judgment. She leaned forward, elbows on the table, as if we were about to dissect a very interesting patient. “Start from the top.”
I took a breath, then immediately wished I’d practiced this in the mirror. “Okay. He invited us over for dinner, like, actually cooked, and after Noah crashed on the couch, we sort of—” My voice went squeaky and I had to cover it with a cough. “—we went upstairs. And I don’t know, Caroline, it just happened.”
Caroline’s lips twitched, but she managed to look appropriately concerned. “Did you want it to happen?”
“I mean . . . yes. God, yes. It was my horny idea to go upstairs in the first place. He’s been entirely too gentlemanly this whole time.” The blush was a physical force, climbing up my neck into my scalp. “But I thought—I thought maybe I’d freak out, or back out, or, I don’t know, catch fire and die.” I clutched the mug tighter, knuckles whitening. “But I didn’t.”
Caroline’s face melted into real warmth. “So what’s the problem, Lily?”
I stared at my hands. “I don’t know what happens next,” I said. “I mean, it’s been years, Caroline. I barely remember what normal looks like. And Ford—he’s so . . . Ford. A billionairewho now owns a ranch and actually works with his hands? You should see it, he’s redoing the house himself. He bought a horse, for god’s sake. He’s like this magical mix of Hallmark movie hero and down and dirty wrangler. He could have anyone. I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
“Is that all?” Caroline laughed, a soft, professional laugh, but her eyes were kind. “Lily, you should see the way he looks at you. That man is head over heels.”
I shook my head, hair slipping forward. I tucked it behind my ear, then immediately regretted the habit. “He doesn’t look at me like that.”
Caroline arched an eyebrow so high I thought it might shoot right off her face. “Are you kidding? He basically beams at you like he’s just discovered a new element. I’ve seen less intensity from people staring at the sun.”
I tried to imagine what that looked like. To Ford, I was just—“I’m not even that interesting,” I said, voice hollow.
Caroline patted my hand, but didn’t break eye contact. “Stop. You are fascinating, and smart, and gorgeous, and one of the only people in town who doesn’t judge him for his past. He knows that. He likes it.”
I didn’t have a good comeback, so I just shrugged.
