A gasp escaped my parted lips as I stepped into the room. I thought all of the other rooms were fit for royalty… They had nothing on this room. The biggest fireplace I’d ever seen sat opposite of a grand four-poster bed. It had more pillows piled up on it than I even thought possible. To the left was another door and surrounding that door were more books than, once again, I’d ever seen, with a small sitting area in front of it. To the right was a round table piled high with food. I didn’t know what I wanted more. Food or a bath.
The smell of the warm stew and fresh bread won me over. I couldn’t even describe what it tasted like because I knew none of it had touched my tongue. When the stew was gone, I took the chunk of bread and cleaned the rest of the bowl with it. Nausea hit me hard, forcing me to the exquisite bathing chamber on the other side of the room. I should have known better than to stuff myself full like I did but I couldn’t help it. I retched into the toilet but couldn’t find it within myself to care. There were more than enough meals and baked goods for me to stuff myself all over again. Which I would be doing, after my bath.
The bathing chamber was crafted with different kinds of massive, grey and purple stones. The glorious tub was sunk into the floor and there was already a thick cloud of steam rising above it.
Whether I took off my clothes or not, I couldn’t say. I was almost certain I’d fallen asleep in there and the rest was a fog. When I woke up the next morning, there was a pile of wet clothes next to the tub and toilet, lots of streaks of dirt covering every white surface, and once again, fresh food waiting for me at the round table. My stomach growled as I pushed myself up on top of the pillows surrounding me. I hadn’t bothered to find any clothes the night before and slept completely nude. The sheets and blankets around me felt like heaven on my bare skin. Laid out across the end of the bed was a white silk robe. I crawled across the bed and quickly put it on before I sent out a mental thanks to whatever we would be dealing with here. It obviously liked me.
My body ached like never before. Tears filled my eyes as I thought of the times I’d trained with Ryven and Alric and all the mornings I woke up feeling like death. That was nothing compared to this. I’d never felt so horrible. My feet ached but I could still wiggle all of my toes. None of them were black or dead with frostbite. I hadn’t even worried about checking them the night before. Losing my toes was the last thing I had cared about. Scrambled eggs and flat pastries awaited me on the table but this time I took it slow. As I chewed, I looked about my room with daylight streaming through the curtains behind my bed. They were at least twenty feet tall.
Eating the flat pastries would have been impossible while exploring with how messy they were. Instead, I grabbed the warm drink from beside my plate and ever so slowly walked to the velvet curtains. I had to set my cup down to haul them open, there was no doing that with one hand. My breath was stolenfrom my lungs once again. The view from the floor-to-ceiling windows showed off my town, or what would be my kingdom if we could rebuild. We didn’t have the people to even do so. I rubbed my temples as I looked over the ruins laid out before me. Was this realistic or was I hiding from the problems of the world? This fortress was tucked away from it all, it wouldn’t take much for me to hide.
As if the magic could hear my thoughts, the grand fire snuffed out with a puff of smoke.
“I wouldn’t hide from my duties,” My voice croaked out as I picked up the warm mug again and took a sip. My nose scrunched up at the bitterness and lack of sugar. It reminded me of Ryven and I wondered if it was something he would have indulged in if he were still here. I pinched my lips together as my nose burned, fighting the emotions trying to break loose. “I just don’t know where to start. I’ve never done this before.”
The fire erupted once more and I smiled before my eyes skipped over the walls again. There was a door for the bathing chamber, more books than I would probably ever read in my lifetime, magical food that seemed to appear as needed, huge towering windows that showed off a once thriving kingdom, and tucked into the shadowed corner was another door.
I placed the mug of horrible bitterness back on the table and approached it slowly. Ever so carefully, I pushed it open. Once again, I was speechless. On the other side of the oak door were more dresses than I’d ever seen.
“Did these belong to the last queen?”
The whisper of wind touched my face and it was confirmation enough. This was once her closet. Shoes, purses, parasols, dresses, corsets, and night clothes lined the walls. It was grand and magnificent and I found myself feeling like I was lacking again. I didn’t know what I did to deserve this. How could I parade myself around in these clothes? These shoes? Iwasn’t fit to be queen. All I had was magic that couldn’t even keep my friends from starving to death while we journeyed here. All I had was a heart full of anguish and regrets. How could I possibly lead people that were more broken than me?
I sank to the ground and buried my face in my hands. How could I possibly expect anyone to follow me? What had I ever done that was significant enough?
All you need to do is try.
That voice was back in my mind and all it did was break me further. Tears broke free and streamed down my face in a wild current. The man I loved was gone. More than most of the survivors with him. My best friend and guard had given her life for me. The dam of emotions broke free and before I knew it, I was curled up in a ball sobbing on the floor. I didn’t know how long I stayed there like that, crying and feeling sorry for myself, but it didn’t take long for Alric to find me. The old me would have been thankful and relieved for the robe I wore, but the new me only felt grief and heartache. The new me didn’t feel so new. She felt broken and lost. She felt like, once again, she didn’t belong.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
JUNIPER
“How can I lead people when I’m broken?” I stared at Alric from across the round table in my sitting area. He was shoveling massive amounts of oatmeal and eggs in his face. He would chew, swallow, and then alternate between the two. I didn’t know if I was impressed or horrified. Honestly, it was probably a bit of both.
He wiped his mouth with one of the linen napkins beside his plate. “You aren’t broken.”
I slumped down in my chair and folded my arms over my chest. My body still hurt and my eyes burned from all the crying I’d done. I was sure they were swollen twice their normal size too. I hadn’t worried about changing out of the robe or even exploring the closet that belonged to a dead woman.
“Plus, there aren’t that many people here to lead anyway.” The twinkle in his eye hinted at the joke but I could still see the man impaling himself on Reva’s sword. I could still see Ash’s vacant eyes. It was too soon.
“The ones that are here,” I straightened in my seat. “What am I supposed to do about them?”
I needed a council. I needed advisors. I needed priests. This was all such a disaster.
“You can take a few days to rest, you know?” He took a sip of his juice while he watched me carefully over the rim.
“I don’t want to rest,” I threw my hands up. I needed to rest, but that was different. I could rest later. I could grieve later. My emotions didn’t matter at this moment because at this moment there was still a bloodthirsty woman on our heels. There was no telling if she could make it to this island and if she could? I didn’t exactly have an army to stop her. I didn’t even have my magic.
“You aren’t broken yet.” He pushed away from the table and stood to his full height as he stretched his arms over his head. “You were more broken when I pulled you from the fraud kingdom than you are now. You’ve had experiences that feel like they’re going to break you but that’s all it is. You are one of the strongest women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing and rescuing. You have shown me and countless others, time and time again that you can rise from the ashes. The woman I found back in the fraud kingdom? She was a shell. She was starved and dying. The woman before me is leagues ahead of her.”
I blinked back the moisture in my eyes and took a deep breath. “What do you suggest I do? I won’t rest. I can’t rest. The moment I close my eyes, the moment I’m not busy I’ll be thinking about them and I can’t afford that. The people that are left here in my care can’t afford that. They need me.”
He crouched down to my level and took my hands in his. “First, get dressed. Brush your hair. Then come downstairs and we will talk to the survivors. We will find out what they want from their lives. They have the chance to start over, what are their skills.”
I nodded. I could do that.
“Then we will explore our new home.” He winked.
