I squeezed my eyes closed in frustration at Grove’s words. She was right, but she was also wrong. The magic. The gods. They’d chosen me for this. “Isn’t that why I’m here?”
Ryven took a deep breath and no one said anything again until we were in his home. I could have walked the remainder of the way, after I woke, but I knew this wouldn’t happen again. I knew if I wanted to feel this way, I would only get so many opportunities to do so. I could play the damsel if it meant satisfying my treacherous heart. And the ridiculous organ between my legs that made me want even more, even if it meant not getting emotionally satisfied.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
JUNIPER
Livia finished up my hair like the expert she was and smiled at me in the mirror. There were braids and curls all over my head, I didn’t know how I was going to possibly get it all out when this was over.
“I’ll work on your makeup after you eat, gods know you won’t have the time tonight,” she giggled as she gathered all of her hair tools and combs. “There is food waiting for you in the kitchen.”
My stomach clenched. The kitchen I shared with Ryven. The home that we’d been dancing around each other for days in. I’d purposefully ignored him, knowing that my body wanted him too desperately for its own good. Knowing well enough that it would get me hurt again. I was still reeling from him being back but it wasn’t like it meant anything. He was void of all emotion and any time I got the courage to finally speak up, he disappeared and Alric waited in his place.
Coward.
Stupid, stupid, sexy, coward.
I yanked my black robe around me tighter and took a deep breath. There was no where for Ryven to escape this time. Alric had too much to plan and too much to take care of for the ball. My three friends were also getting ready and my dress would bedelivered soon. If he abandoned me now, it wouldn’t look good. Maybe he would stay in his room, that was the one place I didn’t dare to go into. Even though my wandering thoughts brought me to that place almost every night.
Livia gave me a bright smile before she disappeared and I was left alone with the enemy. The enemy I so desperately wanted. He was watching the town below his windows and had a steaming cup between his hands. His dark hair was disheveled and his clothes looked rumpled, as if he’d slept in them. Maybe he had. Was this what he was wearing tonight? I doubted it. He would look his best, and this was definitely not his best. I swallowed thickly as I piled up a plate of food, not worrying about what it was, too distracted by the man taking up every little space left in my brain.
He didn’t turn from the window as I sat in the same room as him. “Are we going to keep pretending nothing happened?”
He didn’t turn toward me, just shrugged his shoulders. “What’s there to say?”
Rage bubbled up inside of me faster than I could have ever anticipated.
“You left!” I exploded. I didn’t even know why I was so mad, maybe I was hurt and I just couldn’t hold it back anymore but he left me after we had shared something like that and maybe I was stupid, but I thought it meant so much more. Maybe it only meant more to me and this thought made moisture fill up in my eyes. I blinked rapidly to get the tears away.
“What else was I supposed to do?” Ryven’s brows pulled together in the center of his forehead. “All I can think about is you. You make me insane. You consume every thought, every movement, every piece of my being and it’s going to get us both killed.”
A tear I was fighting, won and slid down the side of my face. “I thought I meant nothing to you.”
In three calculated steps he was in front of me with his hands on either side of my face. “You mean everything. You are everything and if we keep this up I am going to ruin you like I have ruined everything else.”
“What if I want to be ruined?” I whispered as another tear won. He caught it with his thumb and swiped it away.
“This world needs you whole. Needs you better than me.”
I shook my head. “What about what I want?”
“You have millions of people counting on you. They need you more than little me.”
“Then help me, I can’t do this without you.”
He took a step back and all the warmth in the room went with him. His face fell as he shook his head. “It’s forbidden.”
“Says who?” I yelled and threw my hands into the air. “Who?”
“Proprietary!”
I snickered to keep myself from shrieking. “So you’re telling me that I’ll just be able to marry royalty one day? Is that what I’m being saved for? There is no one else!”
He clenched and unclenched his jaw. “A prince could come from another land.”
“Ha!” I turned away from him in absolute disbelief. “A prince? A prince that could have come a long time ago to save these people but wouldn’t show up until I’m here in all of my magical glory? I don’t think so. I won’t marry some prince. I won’t marry for proprietary! I will marry and love who I want to.” I turned back to him and shoved my finger at his chest. “And if you are too stupid to see that then maybe this is all for the best. Maybe you were right. Maybe I’ll just be alone with all of these memories to keep me company.”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t continue to do this to myself and everyone else. When I opened my eyes he was gone and there was more relief than pain this time. The plate of food I knew I needed no longer mattered.Before I could stop myself, I picked the plate up and threw it as hard as I could at the wall. The food and ceramic exploded and it didn’t make me feel any better, like I hoped it would.
