Chapter 16
Jade
Three days at the beach was something I had never dreamed would happen. Everything was going great besides Knox and Tracey trying to kill each other with their hands or their words. She still hadn’t brought a guy back to the house and for whatever reason, I was thankful for that. I didn’t know if I could handle another guest especially with the thoughts of my nightmares invading again. Rafe had only slept in my bed that one night but I found myself missing him. I didn’t tell him and I certainly didn’t express it to Tracey even though she teased me about it relentlessly every morning when I woke up moody and disappointed.
Tracey had a mouthful of sandwich when she told me we were going to go out dancing later that night. She wiped the mustard from the corner of her lips on the back of her hand then took a sip from her Sprite. “You need to wear something hot and ditch the cover-up.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll get rid of the cover-up but I have a sweater packed.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Why do you insist on covering your perfect beautiful body?”
I knew she meant well but the well of emotions rose up inside of me before I could stop them. “You don’t get to tell me what to do or wear. You have no idea what it’s like for me to parade my scars around, the stares I will get. I can’t face them, how can I let others?”
Tears threatened my eyes and I stood up from my bench. The legs on it made a hard screeching noise as they slid across the floor. Tracey looked startled from my outburst and put her sandwich on the plate. She wiped her hands on a paper towel and blinked slowly. “You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like. But you keep telling everyone you’re fine and you won’t go to therapy. How am I supposed to know what to do or say around you about it? All I want for you is to have a good time.” The color had drained from her face.
I shook my head as I backed down the hall to my room. To my escape. “I’m not ready to talk to anyone about what happened to me and you can’t force me to be comfortable with something that is still raw within myself.”
As much as I wanted to slam the door closed behind me, I shut it softly and slid down it. The floor was cold beneath my hands but I hardly felt it as the tears spilled over. Tracey meant well, I knew she did. She cared about me more than others did but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. That didn’t mean that it made me feel comfortable all of a sudden to show all of my hurt to the world. I didn’t know if I would ever be okay with it.
Sobs shook my body as I wrapped my arms around my knees and tucked my chin between them. Tracey didn’t bother me even after my tears had dried and I sat there in the dark. A soft knock on the door pulled me from my daydreaming about nothing. I blinked the haze from my eyes and took a deep breath. I was surprised to find that it was Mav on the other side of the door instead of Tracey.
As soon as the door was open, Mav had me in his arms, crushed against his chest. The tears threatened my eyes again but I managed to blink them back. He rubbed circles on my back as he held me there. His heartbeat was loud against my face. Strange but soothing all at the same time. My shoulders relaxed with each beat.
“I’m not here to tell you that you need to feel a certain way,” he whispered. “I am here to tell you that everything that you’re feeling is valid and it’s going to take a long time for you to feel like you’re back to normal. It might never happen, but that’s okay too. You aren’t the same woman.” He pushed me to an arm’s length away from him and looked into my eyes. “You are wonderful, even with your scars. You are beautiful with them. They show the world that you are stronger. I am not telling you that you should be ready to show them off, but when you are ready, we will all be here cheering for you. We love you, scars and all.” His thumb caught a tear on my cheek.
By the end of the day, Tracey wasn’t scowling as much and Knox was avoiding her. I wondered what she did to have caused that. I never stopped thinking about what Mav told me. The cover-up didn’t make another appearance even though it called out to me from my suitcase. The shorts I slipped into felt a little snug, but they didn’t feel any different from the previous years of wearing them. My eyes were squeezed shut as I pulled them up my legs, but at least I got them on. It was a start. The tank top was a bit harder to pull over my head but once it was settled over me, it felt comfortable. I felt like myself again, except I wouldn’t look at my arms or legs. When Tracey saw me come out of the room, she had opened her mouth to say something then snapped it closed.
The argument we had gotten into was silly, though valid. I didn’t want her to think she couldn’t speak her mind around me but maybe doing so in a softer manner would have helped. Rafe was lounging on the couch but his scowl in Tracey’s direction told me everything I needed to know. He was here to play ref and he wasn’t going to let my friend talk to me like that again. His eyes softened when they landed on me and he quickly sat up.
“You are allowed to wear whatever you want to,” he said in an accusatory tone directed at Tracey. “But I do love seeing all of your skin on display.”
Tracey rounded the counter and wrapped her arms around me. My body stiffened at the contact. She pulled away slowly. “He’s right, you are allowed to wear whatever you want. If you want to wear a sweatshirt tonight, that’s fine by me. I just want you to feel comfortable and you’ve been looking close to heatstroke.”
Rafe watched the interaction between us before he nodded his head and slipped through the back doors. I didn’t want him to go but I was appreciative of the privacy he was offering us.
Tracey ran her hands down over my arms. This time she didn’t avoid the silver skin. She just ran her hands over the marking and didn’t miss a beat. She didn’t blink and her face didn’t change. Nalia was pleased that her scent hadn’t changed either. “Like Mav said, you’re beautiful and that’s the only thing that you need to worry about. I’m sure if anyone looks at you or your scars in the wrong way Knox will rip their hearts out and eat them.”
He would too. A smile cracked on my face and she pulled me in for a hug. “Plus, these people won’t even know it’s you. You have been glamoured to look like someone else to the people outside of our pack.”
“Do you think Granny made me ugly?” I took a peek down at my body.
“Never, she only manipulates little things. Your hair color, the size of your nose. Things like that.”
I nodded my head. I could be okay with that. “Are you ready?”
Tracey grinned. “Yeah, I’m really needing a good lay. Knox has my head all messed up.”
