Chapter 9
Tracey
The house was spotless, but it was missing life. It was missing Jade’s life and light. It was missing everything that made herher.I had done my best to design it in the aesthetic that I knew she would love. I painted until my head hurt and my fingers were calloused from holding a paintbrush. My arms trembled and my legs felt weak as I went through all the motions. I broke down as I painted, as I pulled flooring up and laid it down. I cried as I walked down the aisles of the home improvement store looking for any item that screamedJade.
All the furniture I bought left me hollow. Every store ripped me up more inside. I thought it would bring me closer to her, but at the end of it, all it did was make me feel empty. I couldn’t bring myself to sit on the couch or admire my handiwork.
Someone had knocked on the door hours ago, but I had ignored it as I sat in the living room and died inside some more. My mom didn’t come back to visit but she had offered on countless occasions to go to the store with me. She had offered to scour the internet for me. She had offered and offered andofferedbut all I said was no. I couldn’t do it with anyone else because the one person I needed to do all of it with wasn’t here and didn’t have a choice. How could I bring someone else in on this project?
Instead of a knock, there was a pounding on the door this time. I didn’t look up from the wood floor beneath me. “I swear on everything good that if you don’t open this door, I will burn this cottage down.”
Stupid Knox and his infuriating pestering. He hadn’t spoken much to me since he had returned. Even on the way home from the airport, he had been silent. All he could provide were broody looks and long glances. Neither of which I wanted. I ignored him. He wouldn’t burn down Jade’s cottage because if he did that he would bring down Rafe’s wrath upon him and no one wanted that. Rafe’s wolf hadn’t been persuaded to back down in weeks. He was close to the edge and everyone knew it. It was another reason I had stayed holed up in here. There was no point in agitating his wolf anymore. The full moon was tomorrow and I wondered how he was going to fare.
“Open up, Tracey.” This time it was Rafe. I sat up straight and jumped to open the door. He actually sounded like himself, if not slightly tired, which was to be expected.
Knox and Rafe stood side by side in the doorway. In between them was a massive box. For the first time, in a long time, I felt good. The sight of the box between them and what was in it had me excited. Excited because I knew it was exactly what Jade wanted. I had kept myself from snooping on her phone but I did look in her online shopping cart. The first item in there was a massive gold-plated canopy bed. The one that was now in pieces between the two men in front of me. I bit my bottom lip before I grinned.
I pressed the tips of my fingers to my chin before I motioned them to come inside. There was a slight thud behind me and the clanging of metal hitting each other. I turned on my heel ready to light into them when I realized they had dropped the box because of the surprise they were feeling. Rafe’s jaw was slack staring at all the work I had done and Knox was staring at me with bright eyes. His red hair was down today and around his shoulders. I looked away before I could get a sniff of his emotions. I had tried my hardest not to scent the people around me lately. I couldn’t handle the bone-crushing despair they all felt. I knew all too well what it was like and I didn’t need a reminder that others were feeling it too. Not for Jade’s benefit but for mine. They were sad for me, not the newcomer they didn’t know. I had been a part of this pack my entire life. They felt pity for me and I couldn’t stand it.
But I could see it in Knox’s eyes, he didn’t feel pity. He felt awe.
Rafe was the first to speak. “You did all of this?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice or my emotions one bit.
“All alone?” Rafe asked again.
Knox snorted. “There have been plenty of offers to help.”
My eyes snapped to his. “You spoke to my mother?”
He jutted his chin up in defiance. “She spoke to me. She wanted to see if I could get through to you.”
My shoulders tensed. Nope. I wasn’t going there. “You can bring the box down the hall. This way, please.”
The sounds of them lifting and carrying the box followed me to the hallway that held two bedrooms and a bathroom. Jade’s bedroom didn’t have a bathroom but I had already had plans drawn up for one to be added on. It wouldn’t cost very much and I knew Jade would want her privacy. At her home with her parents, I could see the love she had for her own space.
I tucked my hands into my pockets as I nudged her door open with the toe of my boot. The room still smelled like wet paint and the burger I had devoured in the corner at lunch. I had painted her bedroom white and had installed dark hardwood floors. The wall that the bed would go on was black and a gold circular mirror hung from the center of it. Now with the bed about to go there, I knew it would go better over the black dresser that would sit on the opposite wall. I was simply waiting for it to be delivered too. It had also been in Jade’s online cart. I hadn’t wanted to decorate her room or buy anything until I knew it was what she would want. Thankfully, she had her entire bedroom furniture picked out already and waiting to be purchased. It was the least I could do. Especially since all of this was my fault. I had been the idiot that night. I hadn’t been careful enough. I hung my head as the men hefted the massive box into the room and sat it in the middle of the floor. Knox wouldn’t look at me and I didn’t care. I was done caring what anyone else thought.
The tip of my finger extended into a sharp claw and I cut down the middle of the box. Clanking echoed around the empty room as the pieces of the bed rolled out onto the dark floor.
“Is she going to like these things?” Rafe looked pained as he took it all in. I couldn’t blame him, it made me feel the same.Guilty.
I nodded my head. I didn’t need to explain myself. I knew Jade far better than any of them did. Rafe had made sure of that. He had handpicked all of my classes to be with hers. He hadn’t known if she lived on campus or not so he had organized for me to live there, just in case. It added to my story. He had someone follow her at the grocery store to figure out the foods she liked. I knew her better than everyone because it had been my mission to do so. But I also knew her better than anyone because even through all of this, she had still called me. She had still texted me when she knew things weren’t as they seemed. She had trusted me even though I wasn’t to be trusted at all. She had given me a chance to be her friend.
All of my motives had been sour from the start but she had come to trust me and I wouldn’t ever do another thing to put that in jeopardy again. Her friendship had become such a bright spot in my life. In my boring life. I loved Rafe. He had been like a brother to me after I had realized we would never be mates. I had followed him and the Guardians around like they were my older brothers, before they swore their lives to Rafe’s. They were my family but Jade had always been a choice I was glad I made. She was the one thing that I had chosen for a good reason, rather than a selfish one.
The friendships and relationships within the pack had a certain order. It was how it was done. There was no changing it. There were social circles and friendships I was never allowed in simply because of my dominance as a female.The abomination of the dominance. I had listened to the whispers around the pack growing up. I knew that I wasn’t supposed to have so much fire and determination in my wolf. That it was because my brother was a witch and somehow, I had taken his wolf because the wolf didn’t choose him. My mother told me not to listen, but my little wolf ears had picked every word up. I had devoured the negative energy and tried my hardest to harness it into something good. Something better than them. My mother called them the busybodies. They had nothing better to do with their time but be jealous of a tiny child.
I shook my head. Those were thoughts for another time. I needed to numb myself. I needed to get lost in the task and let my mind go.
Knox’s words hit me like a physical blow. “How do you know she would even want you to do this for her? What if all of this will just make her angry? This is her home, not yours.”
I ground my teeth together as I stood up from my numbing task. The numbing wouldn’t take effect until they went away. I cracked my neck as I came face to face with the bastard. His nostrils flared as I took a step toward him. “What if she never comes back? Then none of this matters. Leave me be and let me handle my grief in the only way I know how. Why don’t you do what you do best? Go find a whore house, get sloppy, then find my friend. Isn’t that the only thing you are good for anyway? Being asoldier.”
I spat the last word like a curse. I knew I was being nasty. I knew the things I said hurt and I liked it. It was the only thing that didn’t make me feel terrible inside.
