My mother had warned me of that when I told her Jade was my mate. She had told me that I would have a drive to keep my mate safe and have a place for her. I had a home but I hadn’t done much with it. I had stayed at the main house but now I realized he was right.
“If you need any help with the house or getting it ready, let me know.”
He was gone after I didn’t say anything. What could I say? How could I go there now? She wasn’t here and there was still a chance that we wouldn’t get her back. And if that happened? I would die anyway. Even though we hadn’t completed the bond, I knew what my fate would be.
When I had taken my father’s place as Alpha, my mom and my brother both moved into the main house. It was a sign of respect to me. It would be my home now. My mother had no problem giving it up. I couldn’t imagine the pain she experienced with having to live there without him. Her life mate. She would live an immortal life without him. I couldn’t understand or even fathom what that felt like and I never would. Female wolves would live on without their mates, but males couldn’t. I didn’t understand it but it was the way it had always been. Females were needed to raise pups. The females were essential to keeping the pack moving and operating as normal, even if something happened to the Alpha. Which was exactly what my mother had done. She had kept the pack going and without worry while I adjusted into my place. She had always been there for every single member of the pack and I had been nothing but rude to her over and over. I owed her so much.
I locked up the war room and looked at the well-worn path in the dirt. Some grass had sprouted up in places but for the most part, it was clear. I took a deep breath as I turned down the path to my parent’s home- my home. All of my best and worst memories were here. It was the place I had first transformed, the place I had learned to ride a bike. The home was so full of love that I knew it would choke me as soon as I saw it again.
Most of the grass had grown up around the white farm-style house in the middle of the cleared acre. If I wasn’t careful, I would have to get a tractor out here. I shoved my hands deep into my pockets and maneuvered around the stickers and weeds before I saw my brother sitting on the front steps.
“What are you doing here?” My voice came out in a whisper like I would wake spirits if I spoke any louder. Like this place held demons instead of happiness.
Ford blinked up at me and flipped his ball cap around. “I was just visiting. I needed some quiet. Laura had her twins up at the main house and the crying hasn’t stopped.”
A smile touched my lips and I sat on the steps beside him. “I’m sure the babies aren’t the only loud mouths around there.” I could just picture my mother barking orders at everyone to make sure Laura was as comfortable as can be. The last baby born at the Manor was four years old now. It would be nice to have new pups to teach.
Ford sighed and it ripped through my chest. “I was thinking about Dad.”
I scrunched my nose as emotions flooded me. I didn’t know what to say. We didn’t talk about him with Mom. If you mentioned him in her presence, the pain that would flash across her face was enough to bring you to your knees. “Yeah?”
Ford smirked. “You don’t have to try to comfort me, I know he was sick.”
I didn’t want to tell him that I knew it was more than that. An investigation hadn’t been opened to respect my mother. But I remembered his black, cursed blood like it was yesterday. I had no doubt that I would remember it until the day I died.
I leaned my elbows down onto my knees and shook my head. “I don’t know what to say to you. But yeah, he was sick.”
“I miss his laugh.”
He did have an infectious laugh. It rumbled through him like his wolf was amused too. He had such a good connection with his inner animal, I was sure that was the case. “Yeah, I miss it too.”
“You remind me of him,” He looked away as he spoke, like he was too afraid to share his emotions with me. I leaned over and wrapped my arm around his shoulders. They shook gently. How long had he been coming out here to get away from the pack noise? Is this why Gabriel said something? He had been assigned this area to patrol lately.
“I will never be as good as Dad was.” It was true. He was the best Alpha we had ever had until the end. He was also the best father. Taking his life had been the hardest thing I had ever had to do besides fight my wolf on turning Jade. That still left a bad taste in my mouth, even if my wolf was content with it. He would have claimed her too, if I hadn’t stopped him.
“You’ll get there,” When Ford looked up at me, his eyes were shining with unshed tears. “Wanna look inside?” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder toward the front door.
I nodded my head. If there was anyone I wanted to help me making this shell a home, it was him.