Jade Rivers
No matter how many times I had watched the surveillance footage, I couldn’t see Rafe on any of them. He had managed to evade all of the cameras and get into my room before I made it home. How had I missed him? Was I that exhausted? Had it really taken me that long to get home? A few miles didn’t seem like a lot in my head, but in reality… It was a bit different. My brain had been so foggy.
I had waited for the effects of whatever drug Rafe had given me to kick in but they never did. My feet dragged as I made it into my bathroom and locked the door behind me. I couldn’t bring myself to look in the mirror. I was too afraid of the broken girl I would see there. A sob worked its way up my throat again and I gritted my teeth. I wouldn’t let him win. I wouldn’t let any of them win. I peeled my clothes off of my body and shoved them into the garbage can. I never wanted to remember this day and the clothes, honestly, deserved to be burned but this was the best I could do. The hot water did little to make me feel clean. Even after scrubbing my body raw, I still felt dirty. I still felt wrong and unclean. I wrapped a towel around myself and tried to keep the tears away. They would do nothing for me. I slid my curtains closed and my hands shook as I pulled pajamas on.
Text messages pinged through on my phone but the only ones I answered were from my parents. Their flight was delayed because of bad weather and they would be a few more days. I didn’t know if I was relieved or terrified. I no longer wanted to be alone. Tracey was the sender of the other texts, but I didn’t care. I deleted them immediately without reading them. She had warned me about running, but it didn’t matter, she was still in on it somehow.
So, I stayed like that. Wrapped up in my covers like they would protect me from the big bad boy I had gotten myself tangled up with. The only time I left the bed was when I had started to sweat and then nausea rolled through me. Maybe the effects of the drugs were finally starting to kick in.
After throwing up a few times, I felt better and made myself go down to the kitchen to eat. I hadn’t gone to the store earlier in the week and now I was growing to regret it. My stomach growled.
My phone buzzed with another text. Tracey- “Can we talk?”
I rolled my eyes and tossed the phone onto the counter. What could I possibly have to say to her?
Then it popped into my head. I had a few choice words for her. She wasn’t going to get away with what had happened to me.
Me- “Lose my number, my address, and every memory you have of me.”
Tracey- “It’s not what you think. I can explain. How are you feeling?”
I didn’t bother with that. How could it not be what I thought? I had been drugged, then Rafe had tried to hurt me further or drug me further, then he had been in my bedroom. I didn’t even want to think about the panties he jacked. I typed out a quick text to my parents, letting them know I was feeling a tad sick but would be better in a few days. Hopefully by the time they got back home.
I dug through my freezer and came across a couple of steaks. My family wasn’t big on red meat. I had practically been vegetarian my entire life but now my mouth was salivating at thought of rare steaks. I licked my lips as I tossed them into the sink and turned the water on to defrost them.
My stomach clenched and nausea rolled through me again. I managed to rush to the half-bath in the hallway by the kitchen in time. My socks slid on the tiled floors as I skidded to a stop in front of the door. I ripped it open just as vomit expelled from my stomach. I don’t know how I even made it to the toilet. My body sagged against the wall and I prayed this was it.
On quaking legs, I stumbled from the bathroom and back to the kitchen. I placed both of my hands on either side of the sink and splashed my clammy face with the cold water.
Ding.
Another text.
Tracey- “Are you feeling okay? I’m really worried about you. If you get sick please let me come take care of you.”
Me- “How can I possibly trust you now?”
Tracey- “I’m the only one you have ever trusted to go out with you and let you get completely turnt. Yes, I admit I know Rafe, but he’s more of a family friend than anything else. I saw him give you a drink and kept my eyes on both of you all night. I tried to keep him away from you. You have to understand that I would never condone what happened last night.”
Me- “Then help me press charges.”
I didn’t want to press charges. I didn’t know why but the whole situation had been weird. But I needed to know what she would say to that. Especially since they were family friends.
Tracey- “You can try but family’s like Rafe’s have old money. I don’t think it’ll turn out the way you want it to. The police in this town are corrupt. Have you told your parents yet?”
There it was. The reason I ultimately couldn’t go to the police. In the grand scheme of things, it would only make my life harder and I would possibly have to change schools. This would all end in an explosion. An explosion I wasn’t ready for. An explosion I would never be ready for.
I turned the sink off and processed the texts Tracey had sent. Could she really be innocent in all of this? She did tell me to run. She had probably been the reason that things hadn’t escalated after he drugged me.
The steaks sizzled and popped as I placed them in a skillet on the gas stovetop. My stomach rumbled again as I flipped the meat. I had never cooked a steak before, but I did love a cooking show on Youtube. I had thankfully picked up a few tips.
I typed out a text to Tracey. “I will think about forgiving you. I’m feeling fine.”
Tracey- “If things get bad, just please, let me help you. This is serious and I don’t want you to go through this alone. You know how my grandma is with her witchy concoctions. She’s been begging me to bring you one.”
I didn’t say anything back. My steaks were finished. I didn’t know how I knew but I did. If they continued to cook they would be nasty and the thought of well-done meat turned my stomach again.
The first taste of the meat about sent me over the edge. The nausea that had been swimming around my body was gone with that first bite. I tore through both steaks in a manner that would have given my mother a heart attack. I usually had manners but something else took over. Something animalistic inside of me tore through the food at a breakneck pace. Through the haze of shame and bitterness from the night before and the sickness that had been plaguing me, I didn’t seem to care about any of it anymore.
