He shook his head and laughed. “No, it’s your aura.”
The smile on my face vanished. “You from a res?”
He leaned back and folded his arms over his chest. “What if I am?”
I didn’t want to deal with anyone from a reservation. I couldn’t handle the thought of having to go back to one, especially not mine. “Good for you.”
I placed the beers on the table and walked away. My back was rigid as I walked back to the bar. Vince’s face was pale as he held the phone out to me. My eyebrows pulled together.
“What’s wrong?”
Vince never looked shaken. “It’s for you.”
Dread was an icy cold hand that worked its way up the back of my dress. “Hello?” I pressed the phone up to my ear.
“Look, Aiyanna, we need to talk.” This was new. All of my brothers but the favorite had called my phone and texted me. Now my favorite brother had managed to track me down and knew the bar I was at.
“No, we don’t, Kota.” He was the only one I would be able to reason with. “It has been ten years. What could you possibly need to say to me?”
“Mom-”
I stopped him right there. “Don’t ever mention Mom again. Do you understand me? Don’t call me, tell them to stop texting me and forget I exist.”
The line went dead and I hoped he got the message through his thick Navajo skull. I didn’t want anything to do with him or my father. They could all rot.
I kicked my shoes off and sunk into my couch. The silence was horrible. I clicked on the tv just to escape my thoughts. I had gotten two more texts on my way home from the bar and four more as I walked through the door. It was too late to change my number and it would have to wait for the morning. A sob worked its way up my throat and before I knew it was having a breakdown. My first in years. I had managed to be strong. I had managed to get past all of their bullcrap and bullying. I had managed to almost forget the pain they had caused me. I had been so close to never having to think of what he did again. But here I was, being reminded of my awful past all over again. I couldn’t and wouldn’t face them, not unless my father was behind bars.
“Momma, what would you do?” A tear streaked down my face as I spoke to the picture next to my tv. “What do I do now? How did they manage to find me? It’s been years.”
Silence was my answer as it had been since she had died. She had taught me to mind the teachings of the tribe and to listen to the spirits. All of those lonely nights I had called out to her, expecting her spirit to find me but it never did. I wanted to stay true to her and her memory but it was slowly slipping away. I ripped the wig from my head and thew it across the room.
In the beginning, I had worn the wigs and contacts because I was too afraid of my family finding me, even though I was on the other side of the country. I didn’t know if the missing posters had followed me this far, so the best I could do was dye my hair and get cheap colored contacts those first few years. After one bad bleach job, my hair came out in clumps. I looked in the mirror and knew that no one would recognize the broken girl I had once been. I didn’t even recognize her myself.
Chapter Nine
Derek
While all mybrothers counted down the days till they got to go home to their families I enjoyed the days and prayed they got slower. I didn’t want to fly home. I didn’t want to have to go back to my mess of a life. I was fine with being deployed all the time, but unfortunately, they didn’t have the suicide package for me to sign.
Jace watched me while they drank but I didn’t even pretend this time. There was no point anymore. I had ruined everything that one night I had let go. I had been so close to forgetting it all and now the memories were worse. The nightmares were constant and the sound of their screams even louder than usual. The demons I thought I had buried were coming back with a vengeance, and there was nothing I could do to keep them away anymore. That one night had cursed me all over again. The only way to get them to go away for good was to drown myself daily in the amber liquid. I couldn’t even stomach the thought. Jace tossed his beer bottle in the trash and it clanked against the others. He sat across from me and looked me in the eye.
“You haven’t been right lately.”
I grunted. “I ain’t ever been right, Jace.”
The smell of smoke wrapped around my head and I gulped. I didn’t know if I was imagining it or not. It was getting harder and harder to tell the difference between reality and nightmares. I coughed and shook my body out as I stood up from my chair. Jace shook his head.
“Something is up with you and if you don’t talk to me or someone about it, I will have to report you.” Jace’s fists were balled up by his sides. “I can’t have you risking the team.”
That was it. The one thing that set me off. There weren’t many things that fired me up but that, that was one of them. I flew across the small space and pinned him to the wall. My forearm pressed into his throat. All the commotion that had been going on around us stopped. Silence filled the little area we inhabited. "I would never endanger our team. I would never hurt any of you intentionally.”
Jace jostled me back and his fist connecting with the side of my face shocked me. I took a step back and then launched myself forward. Alcohol and anger didn’t go well together. Chaos erupted around us and all I could do was revel in it.
* * *
All of my brothers had people waiting for them when we got home. It had been six months but nothing had changed much, besides the fact that the snow had melted and Jace’s kids had grown like weeds. They all embraced before Everly took off for me. Jace watched her run across the parking lot with pride in his eyes.
I guess I did have someone waiting for me after all. I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her. Her little foot connected with my still healing ribs and I groaned. She raised her eyebrows and I didn’t know what to say. Was it appropriate to tell her I was shot?
