“Who told you I was home?” There was so much fire in his voice where he had previously been void of all emotion.
“Oh,” I paused, unsure of myself. I told the truth anyway. “I was hopeful.”
“I was gone for a month. That’s not a normal length in deployment.”
He wanted me to say it. He was trying to get me to ask but I couldn’t. No matter how much I wanted to. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t add fuel to the fire.
The line went dead and I felt defeated.What could I do?
I scribbled down an order on a piece of paper and put it in the kitchen. I looked at David, my cook and smiled. “Can you get this ready for me as soon as possible?”
He saluted me and I hoped this would help turn the night around. That maybe I could help bring some kind of joy to Derek’s dark life. I couldn’t stand the thought of him suffering alone. I didn’t know how I knew, but I had a feeling he was the only one that had returned from deployment.
* * *
The steaming plate of food was going to stink up my car if I couldn’t get the balls to walk to his apartment.Was he even there? Was this a stupid idea?
I could practically hear my momma speaking from the grave, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, baby.”
I rolled my shoulders back and pulled my natural hair over my shoulder. I didn’t know why I had decided to leave the wigs at home today or the contacts out but I had a feeling that Derek would appreciate this more. The real me, coming to see the real him.That’s what friends did, right?
I can do this.
I kicked my car door opened and grabbed the plate of food before I marched right to Derek’s front door. I could hear soft music playing on the other side. My heart hammered away in my chest and I wondered if I could do this. Once I walked through his door, things would be different. I knew that for sure.
Before I could rasp my knuckles against the door, it swung open. My mouth dropped open and suddenly, I felt very silly and nervous. Which wasn’t usually the case for me. I had barged in here just weeks ago and had knocked people on their asses for disturbing my bar. But this, this was something different. I could see it in his eyes as he looked over the food in my hands.
“Hi,” My voice was barely a whisper. He leaned against the doorframe and I couldn’t see past the mask he had put on his face. He was emotionally guarded all the time. I didn’t know how I could possibly get through. “If I hadn’t been working today, I would have made you some of the soul food I grew up on but there wasn’t much time.” It was, after all, ten at night. He continued to watch me. I let out a sigh. “This was silly, it’s late. I’m sure you’ve already eaten tonight.”
I waved my free hand around like I could brush away this entire encounter but before I could turn to leave, Derek grabbed the plate from my hand and then yanked me into his apartment. A surprised gasp escaped my lips.
“Smells good,” he muttered as he set the plate on the counter. There was a box by the front door, filled with pictures and clothes. My heart sank. I squeezed my eyes closed to keep myself from crying. I hardly knew the guy but here I was, living my nightmare again. Death did that to me. It made me flash back to that night as the blood pumped from my mother’s body.
I managed to open my eyes and croak out, “Thank you.”
“I didn’t eat today, in case you were wondering.”
I said the first stupid thing that came to my mind. “In order to keep up your impressive physique, you shouldn’t skip meals. You’ll lose all that muscle mass if you aren’t careful.”
He shrugged and looked away before I realized he was blushing. Derek. The hardass, grunting, grumpy man wasblushing.
He wolfed down the food like he was starving and when he was finished, I didn’t think he tasted a thing, he looked at me with new eyes. His eyes were deep dark pools as they eyed me up and down. He looked like he was ready to have me for dessert next. The thought caused a jolt to go through me and warmth to cover my entire body. I knew for sure I was blushing now. He stalked across the small space and grabbed my face between his hands.
Turns out, I wasn’t far off.
His lips were hard and demanding on mine. His smell was intoxicating, a mixture of leather and pine. When his tongue pushed past my lips I yelped and pulled away. Then I felt even stupider and looked down at my shoes. I hadn’t been expecting that at all.
“Crap,” he muttered and took a step away from me. “I-I don’t know what came over me. This isn’t a good idea.”
So hot and cold. Always so confusing. I didn’t think he had ever looked at me with desire before. Except for that night I was with Ian. The night I had worn my hair down and out. The first night I had let him see the real me. I backed up until my back made contact with the door and finally looked up at him.
His face was void of all emotion again. He reached a hand toward me and brushed his fingertips down my face. I closed my eyes at the feeling of it. The comfort behind it. “I’m sorry.”
All I could do was nod and try to escape before tears threatened my eyes. Why did I have to feel this way? It was never supposed to go like this. I should have left the food at his door and ran. Now things were complicated.
Chapter Nineteen
Derek
