My eyes move across the landscape as I walk, and I find myself grateful to be in my homeland.
I really do need to come home more often—especially now that Ma is gone. Da is going to be all alone.
I wonder if he’d want to move to America with me. I hate the idea of his being here all on his own, but I don’t know if I can convince him to leave Scotland.
A problem to worry about another time.
Breathing in the scent of home, it settles me more than anything else could as I continue down the path.
This area is heavily wooded, but I know the ocean lies just beyond the small hills and mountains before me.
That’s where I’m heading, though it’ll take me about half an hour to forty-five minutes to reach the lookout. The first part of the hike is easy, but as I reach the hills and mountains, I curse myself for not being in better shape.
It’s not that I don’t exercise, but there’s a big difference between a gym and hiking.
But it’s all worth it when I step onto the lookout, every negative emotion leaving my body as I stare at the beauty before me.
The lookout is only about a quarter of the way up themountain, if that. There’s a guardrail along the far edge, as it’s a pretty much sheer drop to the bottom on the other side. My parents used to tell me horror stories of people falling off before the guardrail, so it took me a long time to go near it as a child.
But now, I stalk over without a thought of the height as a heavy weight rests on my chest once more at the thought of my ma.
Spread before me are the rolling hills with the ocean on the far side of them, a few smaller ponds and lakes beside them. In the spring, they’ll be a bright, vibrant green, but in the winter, their color dims. It’s still a beautiful sight, but it makes me miss the spring months.
By the time they grow brighter, I’ll be back in America.
A wave of homesickness hits me, baffling me as I’m standing here right now.
My eyes fall closed as I take a deep breath, and once again, everything falls away.
This right here is why I love this spot so much.
Not only is it beautiful, but it helps settle me. Seeing that I’m part of such beauty is…
I don’t even know how to describe it, but it’s just what I need right now.
“I love you, Ma,” I murmur, blinking my eyes open. I feel like she’s standing right beside me as we stare out at the land we call home.
She loved Scotland so damn much. She loved the rolling hills, the mountains, and the sea. She always said she would live nowhere besides Glenmore because it was home, and it was perfect.
I find my lips tugging up at the corner, and I know she’d be happy that this is where I ended up after we said our goodbyes. She loved this place just as much as I do.
I wonder if we can spread her ashes from up here. She’d love that. I’ll have to ask Da if that’s something we can do.
Pain clamps down on my chest, and tears spring to my eyes.
I hate that she’s gone. I’ll never hear her voice again, or see her smiling up at me with pride in her eyes. But I’ll never forget any of it.
Ma might not live in this world anymore, but she’ll live on in my memory—in Da’s.
A sob has my head jerking around, eyes wide as I see a woman stagger up the path I just climbed up.
She’s dressed better for the weather than I am, with a heavy coat, a hat, and gloves, but as her eyes shoot up, I realize she’s nearly hyperventilating.
“Help,” she sobs, collapsing to her knees.
I rush over to her, pulling her into my arms as her scent hits me and my eyes go wide.
She smells like all the best parts of fall, more specifically like fallen leaves.
