I wish I could’ve given her that.
“That’s okay, Finnegan.” Ma pats my hand, still clinging to hers. “You’ll find the right woman for you—whether she’s an omega, a beta, or even an alpha. I know she’s out there just waiting to meet you.”
I wish I were as sure as she was.
“Thanks, Ma. Don’t worry, I’ll keep looking for her.”
Ma nods. “You better.”
Silence falls, and I can’t bring myself to speak. There’s so much I want to say to her, but I don’t know where to begin.
Ma sighs. “Look, we both know why you’re here. I’m dying, and I’m sorry I’m leaving the two of you alone in the world.”
“No, Ma.” I shake my head. “Don’t you apologize for something you have no control over.”
Da grunts. “That’s what I’ve been telling her.”
“I love you so much, Ma, and I feel like I haven’t said that enough in my life. You and Da mean the world to me, and Ifeel like I’ve all but ignored you since moving away, and I’m so sorry for that. I hope you know how much your love and support have meant to me. I’ve done my best to make the two of you proud of me?—”
“Of course, we’re proud of you, Finnegan. How can we not be? You chose a career where you help others take care of themselves. Did we hear from you less after you moved? Of course we did, but even if you lived in Glasgow, it would’ve been the same. Sure, you would’ve been closer for visits, but this is what happens when your child becomes an adult. They live their own lives, and that’s what we want for you. I just want you to be happy, my boy. Tell me you’re happy.”
Even if I were miserable, I’d tell her the same thing.
“I am, Ma. I love my life. It’s a good one even if I haven’t yet found love, and it’s all because of the two of you.” I brush away the tears I didn’t mean to shed. “I love you so much, Ma. You’re the best ma a boy could ask for.”
She lights up when she grins. She doesn’t look as tired or as ragged as she did when I walked in the door. “And you’re the best son a ma could ask for. You’re the best thing I ever did in this world. I love you so much, my boy.”
Ma reaches up to cup my cheek, and I melt into her touch.
“You’re a good boy, Finnegan Abernathy. I know this is going to be hard on you and your da, but remember you still have each other. I love you both so much.” She sighs, her hand falling back to her side. “I’m tired now. I think I’ll take a nap. Will you stay?”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I love you, Ma. Just rest.”
Her smile is tired. “Both of you give me a kiss before I sleep.”
“Of course.” I kiss her forehead before leaning back while my da places a light kiss on her lips.
When he pulls away, she looks up at him with all the love in the world, and my heart breaks.
“I love you, Fiona girl,” Da murmurs against her lips.
“And I, you, Alistair.” Her eyes flutter shut as Da pulls away, dropping back into the chair on her other side.
Our eyes meet across her, and when I see the tears glimmering in his eyes, I can’t hold back any longer. Tears spill down my cheeks as I cling to my ma’s hand, but I somehow remain silent even as grief rushes through me.
This might not be the end just yet, but it’s coming, and I’m so not ready for it.
My da and I sit there for hours, both of us crying on and off as Ma sleeps, but neither of us says a word as we hold her hands.
When she takes her last breath, the machines scream loudly, but Da reaches up and presses a button to silence them.
“The nurse said we had to leave the monitor on so they would know when the time came, but made sure I knew how to silence it,” he tells me, his voice catching as he stares at Ma. “Fuck, I thought I was prepared, but I’m not.”
I open my mouth, unsure of what to say to comfort him, but no words come out. Instead, a sob spills out—loud and filled with pain. I try to bite it back, but I can’t.
It’s like once I start, I can’t stop. I lay my head on top of my hand that’s still clinging to Ma’s as I cry.
My ma is gone.
